


Can a leopard Hide his spot?

by crazysnape



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M, Questioning, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 57,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazysnape/pseuds/crazysnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fed up with bullying Kurt decides to blend in with the surroundings, but there is the limit between mixing and losing himself, isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go to bumerbmw for the awesome graphics arts, and GayforKurt for the fast proofread and helpful suggestions.
> 
> http://bumerbmw.livejournal.com/33253.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the standpoint of all of his fourteen years of age, Kurt Hummel examined himself, standing before his mirror, clad only in his boxer shorts and tried to look at himself as objectively as possible.

 

His dark hair had a lovely chestnut tint, short on the back, a bit longer on the forehead. At the moment, as it was not restrained by product, it touched his eyebrows with some annoying waves.

 

He leaned a bit closer and looked at his eyes. Lots of people said he had his father's eyes, some others said his mother's but he knew the truth. He was lucky enough to have both. They shifted from grey-green to blue with a hint of yellow around the pupils; they were the favorite part of his body, the easiest one to look at.

 

He took a deep breath before observing his nose. He was quite fortunate as he didn't have a hook nose like the witch in Snow White, but even if it was in the right place he really didn't like it. It was too big for his whole face and his baby cheeks didn't help.

 

The other thing he liked about his face was his skin; it was fair and especially spotless. It would be awful to be like that poor Jermaine McFly.

 

He shivered just thinking about it, poor kid.

 

He shook his head and focused once more on his reflection and winced: skinny arms, skinny legs and skinny bottom. To sum up – a skinny body, one of the two things he hated about himself.

 

He bit his lips and he glared at the second thing: the bruises.

 

He had a lot of them and, following an impulse, he began to count them. There were two on each arm, a huge one on his left shoulder, five on his ribs, some on the thigh and one on each knee. He looked like a Dalmatian whose spots were in shades of blue, yellow, purple and black – and they hurt.

 

Kurt sighed, removed his boxer shorts to look at what it hid and smiled: he liked it. Perfect shape – neither too small nor too big and, what was good, it didn't have any bruises because that would have hurt, like a lot.

 

Still smiling, he headed to the shower.

 

He wasn't clumsy; in fact, he had always been rather dexterous, flexible and agile like a cat; which was a good thing for him and helped him to avoid being hurt worse.

 

All his bruises had just one source: school. To be more precise, the other boys of his school who loved to push around people smaller than them; in a word, bullies.

 

And Kurt, for as long as he could remember, had always been short, even shorter than most of the girls in his classes. If you added the good grades, the fact that he was kind of nice and polite, it was as if he was walking in the hallway with a huge notice saying, “BULLY ME!!”

 

He was putting a lotion on the bruises he could reach when he realized something: he couldn't carry on like this. He had been bullied all through junior high and if he didn't do anything, chances were high that high school would be the same.

 

With that thought in mind, he closed his eyes and froze as the next four years ran behind his eyelids: four years of bruises, four years of humiliation, four years to be afraid to go to school in the morning.

 

And he knew that if things were bad in junior high, it would be even worse in high school, he saw it.

 

One time he’d seen a boy being thrown in a dumpster. Who knew on what he fell? Kurt didn't want that, any of it! He didn't know how but he had to avoid it, he had to make some changes.

 

* * *

 

 

The last day of school came with no idea about the change, but it did confirm that whatever it was must be done. And, he now had 12 weeks to find what and make it happen.

 

The first six days flew by quicker than he expected; between his work at his father's garage and the time he needed to relax and stop stressing out, he only had time to ponder about the changes before going to bed.

 

Being nervous by nature, he was already worrying he wouldn't find any ideas and he’d end up in one of the dumpsters the very first day of school.

 

On the seventh day, he watched some stupid movie with Freddie Prinze Jr., went to bed and thought about his problem before falling asleep. That was when it happened: the solution came to him when he was asleep, in his dreams.

 

It was so obvious that he couldn't believe he hadn't thought about it before and he was mostly annoyed that he hadn’t thought about it without Freddie Prinze Jr.'s help.

 

Despite his eagerness to get his plan organized, he got dressed and he went to prepare the Hummels' special breakfast with his dad like they always did on Sundays.

 

After that, they went shopping and only then was he able to go back to his room and sit at his desk with a pen and paper.

 

First thing, though: he definitely needed a makeover.

 

He loved his tight jeans, his ties and suits and even his proper hair style, but he was apparently the only one. To be honest, he was also the only one dressed like that at school and people always made fun of his colorful pants.

 

If he didn't want to have the "bully me" sign stuck on his forehead anymore, he had to blend in. What were the other boys wearing?

 

Large pants – some of them even showed their underwear – plain shirts and sweaters, hoodies, sneakers ... nothing from designers.

 

On that thought, he shuddered. Then, he asked himself: "Would you rather wear clothes you detest or be scared to go to school as you have been for the last five years?"

That didn't even need reflection.  
 

His thoughts went toward his hair and he wondered what to do with it. He sneered; it was just like him to bet on the bad horse.

He had decided on his usual style so as to have the Malfoys' classy look; maybe he should try the wild Potter style, instead. Oh well, he would ask Paula, his favorite hairdresser, for advice.

He looked at his list and sighed. He couldn't settle for just that.

He refused to have bad grades and often made fun of others in the back of the classroom, so he had to find something else to assure his safety.

He racked his brain for a while, but came up with nothing. Fed up, he threw his pen on the desk and took a little break to get some water in the kitchen.

On his way back, he heard yelling in the living-room. He pushed the door ajar to have a look and smiled when he saw his father lashing out at some players for throwing a shitty pass or something. He shook his head and he went back to his room.

He stopped in the middle of the stairs and he laughed.

Players...

Jocks ... they were the only ones who didn’t get bullied! They were usually the ones doing the bullying. That was exactly what he needed.

Kurt didn't like sports, he wasn't even good at it but the good thing was that he had a bit more than two months to change that.

He sat back at his desk, reached for his pen and tried to remember what kind of teams McKinley had.  
 

Baseball ... basketball ... hockey ... football and maybe ... lacrosse? There might even be a swimming team, but swimmers were not very high up on the social pyramid. He looked at his list for a few minutes, wondering what to do with it now.

It was great to decide to become a jock but, to be truthful, he was bad at sports and worse, he didn't even know most of the rules.

He glanced at his computer; he could find answers on Wikipedia or ask someone. As soon as he thought about it, he remembered what his dad was doing at the moment: watching a match of ... something with a ball.

There was his answer.

He was sure his dad would be more than happy to help him. He remembered quite well that his dad used to ask him to watch or to play ball games with him when he was younger but, as Kurt consistently refused, he stopped offering.

Without a second thought, Kurt went to the kitchen to grab some raisins and then he took a deep breath before silently joining his dad on the couch...

It was basketball.

He watched as the players ran onto the court and threw the ball to each other or in the basket and he asked himself, ‘Could I do that? Could I learn to like it? Could I be good at it in the space of two months?’

"Do you need something, son?"

Kurt almost choked on some raisins when he heard his father's voice.

Did he need something? Well, yes, but it wasn't as if he could just tell it to his dad, so he shook his head before answering.

"No, I'm good. I just want to watch the end of the game with you."

Kurt saw his father's puzzled look, but acted as if he didn't, staring at the screen. Then, he casually asked, "So, who is winning?"

"Houston, the ones in white."

They watched for a while; Kurt's presence seemed to block his father's yells since he didn't insult either the players or the referees since then.

As for Kurt, he was coldly analyzing the game before deciding that it didn't seem too hard or complicated and that one player in each team was shorter than the others, but had the ball nonetheless.

So he would need to get muscles but his size might not even be a handicap. He took it as a good omen.

"Did you play basketball when you were younger?" Kurt didn't know where the question came from, but now that it was out, he was curious.

 "No." The short answer didn't give him any hope for any hereditary abilities he wouldn't be aware of. "But your mum did."

"Really?" That was something he hadn't known about his mother.

"Yes, she nearly accepted a basketball scholarship to Penn State."

To say Kurt was surprised would be an understatement. From his memories, Elizabeth Hummel wasn't a very athletic person. So, he sought for more information. "Why did she refuse?"

Kurt was looking at his father, who was staring into space and waited.

"After what happened to Jerry, she had been unable to touch a ball, so playing was just ... impossible."

Jerry? That name rang some bells, but he couldn't tell why.

"Jerry?" He asked as subtly as possible.

"Your uncle, your mother's brother." The answer was concise and left him with more questions than he had at the beginning.

"I have an uncle? Why don't I know him? Can I meet him?" He cut himself off when he noticed how closed his father's face was.

 "You ... you had had an uncle, but he died way before your birth."

Why did nobody ever say anything about him having an uncle? How did he die? What was the link between his uncle's death and the scholarship his mother refused? 

Kurt had one rule about his mother: never ask questions about her. His father didn't like to talk about his late wife so when the man offered information, Kurt always jumped at the chance. All without being too direct, afraid the door would close.

"Were they close?" For the first time since the beginning if their talk, his father smiled, a sad smile, but a smile nevertheless.

"Yes, they were very close. Jerry ... they were less than a year apart ... you could never see one without the other, you know? They had the same friends, went to the same activities and they were both very good at basketball. They began the same year and practiced every day in your grandparents' garden. You know, it's through Jerry that I met your mother? He died too young," his dad forced a laugh, cleared his throat and said. "I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I was going out with your mom for a few weeks at the time, and it was a Friday evening. We went to the drive-in, but we didn't watch much of the movie, if you know what I mean..."

"DAD! Too much information!" That really wasn't the kind of things he wanted to know about his parents.

"Okay, well, we were supposed to meet Jerry and ... what was her name?.... Mary... yeah, Mary-Jane for a milkshake at Bellet's, but we waited and ... they never came. Bethie was furious because she thought he forgot – it wouldn't be unlikely; your uncle tended to forget the time when he was enjoying himself, but when I drove her back home... the police were there... "

Kurt heard a sniff, but he didn't look at his father. Who knew that asking questions about sport could lead to such an emotional talk?

"Jerry was knocked down by a car and the next day he was dead. It had been awful for everyone, but to your mum it was like a leg or an arm was missing. Many things changed that night, and one of them was no more basketball for your mom. She couldn't..."

Kurt wiped his eyes and nodded. "Too many memories..."

"Exactly."

On the screen, the match ended with the Houston Rockets winning 120 to 97. Without a word, the TV was turned off and they both stayed there for a while. Then Kurt asked:

"Do you think I would be as good as Mum and Uncle Jerry if I were to play basketball, too?”

Kurt felt his father looking at him, puzzled. "You want to play basketball?"

Here was the tricky point. Play the boy interested and be believable.

"Sure. Maybe that's genetic? Give me a ball and who knows? I might be the next Carl Boykins!"

Ten seconds later, his dad was standing and saying: "It’s Earl, son, Earl Boykins. Okay, kiddo, I think your mother's basket's goal is still there somewhere in the garage with some of her balls. Let's see if you are the next JaVale McGee!"

Kurt had absolutely no clue who the McGee guy was. He only knew Boykins because he was one of the shorter players in the game they’d just watched, but he smiled and followed his dad.

Nearly one hour was necessary to find and install everything, but if the goal was in good enough condition, the balls were useless and they went to the shop to buy a new one.

His dad wasn't the best player in the world but he wasn't the worst either and he managed to explain the basics.

It took time before Kurt was able to dribble more than three times in a row. He couldn't even block his father once, which led to lots of laughter on both parts.

It was bad because neither one marked yet Kurt’s shot managed to brush the ring once while one of his dad's nearly went in but changed its direction at the last second. Things got a little better eventually and Kurt couldn't remember them having that much fun together in a long while.

When they finally put everything away, the sun was slowly setting and they were both exhausted and sweaty. Without a word, they headed to their respective bathrooms for well-needed showers before they began to prepare dinner.

"So, I think it's safe to say that I don't have the basketball gene of the Bensons, right?" Kurt made the comment as he was cutting the vegetables.

His dad laughed and nodded. "True… or it’s sleeping really deeply."

Kurt giggled and stuck his tongue out before casually asking, "What about you? What sports-related talent could the Hummel side have given me? Were you a closet gymnast or something?"

His dad looked at him with a smirk. "No closet gymnast here, boy! Sorry to disappoint you. I would be unable to walk on those tiny little beams.”

"Dad, those are just for girls!"

"Well, there you go. I used to be on the baseball and football teams; your grandfather played baseball, too."

The food was slowly cooking, the table was set so Kurt sat and asked his father questions about his high school days.

Apparently his parents had been part of the upper echelons of popularity; they were the ones other people looked up to. They had nicknames everybody knew: the Hummer, 3B (Beth the Best Block) and his uncle was Double J (for Jump and Jerry). Those nicknames weren't high in originality but it was still better than the ones he got.

Burt related his first game to a fascinated Kurt as they ate. It was during his sophomore year, the quarterback had been suspended because of his grades and he filled in at the last minute.

At first, he was scared to death; walking onto the field with the team was hard and the first engagement even harder, but he played so well that he won the game and the quarterback's position for the rest of the season.

Kurt was listening to his dad, happy to see him so unusually excited and he made a note of some of the things he needed to look up on the Internet like quarterback, touch down and field goals.

Two hours later, he was in front of his computer and came to some conclusions.

At first, he had been happy to see short basketball players on the court when he watched the game. Indeed, he couldn't do anything to get taller but he could at least work on his muscles.

The thing was that if some of the players look shorter than others, they were still quite a few inches taller than him, so he really didn't physically fit into the sport. If his mom was still alive, he might have given it an honest try, but she was dead and nothing could change that.

So he took his list back, and crossed the basketball team from it.

Next…

He read his remaining possibilities and smiled.

His mom might not be here anymore but his dad was.

Why not give baseball or football a try? He had to get information about the rules first, though. He hesitated before typing ‘baseball’ in Google.

He liked it. He liked that everybody got a chance to shine and the uniforms weren't so bad. Better than the huge shorts the basketball players wore.

Who liked those shorts anyway? Not him, for sure.

Now he had to try to see how good he was with a baseball bat. Not wanting to read more than necessary about a sport he wasn't even really interested in, he decided to only look for football if necessary.

On that thought, he turned the computer off and got ready for bed: he had work early the next day.

The next morning, Kurt laid there with eyes closed and a smile on his lips, waiting for one of his favorite songs to come to an end. Judy was just perfect!

What a lovely way to begin the day, he sighed happily and started to sit up and froze as an awful pain shot through his legs!

He finally managed to get up and frowned: the pain was still there. What _was_ that?

Realizing the time, he went to the bathroom as quickly as he could manage, taking note of all the hurting places: legs, arms and belly. He made the best of the hot shower, hoping the pain would disappear when he finally understood what it was.

Ashamed, he dressed before going to the kitchen. His father was there leaning against the counter and sipping his coffee. The breakfast was as silent as usual when it was this early.

Kurt was trying to figure out a way to hide his pain when he noticed something. His father wasn't behaving normally.

There was something different...

The way he moved? Then, a light went on and he laughed, "You too!"

His dad turned around and looked at him, puzzled. "What are you laughing at?"

Kurt was laughing so hard that he barely managed to enunciate his answer. "Stiffness! We are bad, so, _so_ bad!"

When he was back to normal, he glanced at his dad and with a teasing smile he said: "Dad, you know what that means, don't you?"

His father sipped some coffee before shaking his head.

"We need a lot more exercise! How about you show me your baseball moves tonight?"

The smile on his father's face was the only answer he needed.

* * *

 

Now, Kurt could say without any doubt that baseball wasn't one of his hidden gifts. If he was bad at basketball, at least he didn't injure himself. He raised his hand to touch his lips and winced. Kurt still couldn't believe it.

At the beginning, the lesson went well. His dad clarified some of the rules and they swapped the ball for a while. If his father didn't lose any of his abilities, Kurt, apparently had none. He only managed to catch the ball a few times and only by luck. Then, they switched to the bat and everything went downhill.

Not only did he not manage to touch the ball but the one time his father threw it directly to the bat – like he would have done to help a little kid – the ball bounced off of it and hit his mouth, hard. It bled so much that they went to the hospital to be sure nothing was broken. One X-ray and two hours of waiting later, they were back home and luckily everything was okay. However, they decided not to play baseball anymore: too dangerous.

True, Kurt wanted to be in one of the school's teams in order to avoid being bullied, not to be hurt in it. However, he would rather play a sport which wouldn't leave him with four lips.

On that note, he went through his list and winced: only football remained. If he wasn't good at it he would have to find something else.

As he did every evening since the beginning of the week, he went to his computer and scanned all websites he could find about football, trying to understand the game. One hour later, he was about to yell (and he would have done it if opening his mouth didn't hurt so much). To say that the rules were complicated was an understatement.

Even Wikipedia was beyond understanding. One of the things he did understand was that some positions were definitively not for him – like linebacker, halfback and quarterback. The only position he would be okay to try was the kicker's because it looked like the one where he was the less likely to get hurt.

Thinking back to the last two days he smiled and decided to go practise kicking without his father: they didn't seem to have much luck together. Since he was only working the morning on Tuesday, he would do it after lunch. He nodded and looked for some video of kicker's practice before going to bed. 

He found it!

He finally found what he was going to play the next four years!

He kicked for two hours straight and didn't miss the goal once. If he was rude he would say he was a kick-ass kicker, but he wasn't, so he would only say that he did a great job.

He needed to work on it, though, so that when the coach saw him during the try-outs, he wouldn't have any other choice but to take him.

And that’s exactly what he did. The next ten weeks were divided between helping at the shop and a self-made practice schedule. He had to improve his endurance and get some muscles, mostly on his skinny legs. To achieve his goal he forced himself to jog at least three times a week.

At first he hated it. It was tough; he was sweaty, exhausted and breathless in ten minutes at the top. And, there was the unavoidable stiffness.

He didn't throw in the sponge, though, and slowly came to enjoy it. It would never be his favorite thing in the world but it wasn't the worst anymore. Every time he went, he asked his dad to join him and every time the answer was the same: "No." But he kept on trying.

Since the kicker couldn't kick as he wanted, he practiced the three-steps thingy; he worked on his long shot (he was able to do it pretty well until the 20 yards). To finish, every day he did the stretching he found in the football handbook he took out at the library.

With his hard work, he really hoped he would get onto the team.  
 

* * *

 

Kurt would have never thought this day would come.

He had always loved to go to the mall but, today, just thinking about it made him sad. How could he bear the idea of going there and avoid all his favorite shops? It was pure heartbreak.

That already happened when he went to his appointment with Paula, his hairdresser. She didn't cut his hair as short as he feared, but she did something he never thought: she coloured some of the strands dark blue.

It was astonishing but he liked it! To say his dad was happy with the change would be a big fat lie, but he stopped making comments about it after the first day… and one hour-long sermon.

Kurt was pretty sure his father was worried about the shopping to come and he, indeed, told him not to indulge too much with the credit card. Kurt retained a smile; his dad had a surprise coming and he might like it better than the blue hair one.

In order to keep his word, he stayed as far as possible from his shops and went straight to the jeans he needed. He tried at least ten different ones before making his decision. He found four different trousers – a black, a dark blue, a light blue and a grey that were a bit larger than usual, but not by much.

He bought T-shirts and sweaters, too. His only extravagances were a beautiful leather-like coat and some really nice underwear.

After all, he had to settle for plain clothes on the outside but no one said he had to do the same on the inside.

The day before the start of the school year, he stood once again in front of the mirror and this time, he smiled.

His wild blue hair was not so bad and he still liked his skin and his eyes. Thanks to all the exercising, his cheeks were not as baby-like as before and he didn't have any bruises. Even better, he wasn't as skinny as he used to be.

 If only things could remain the same… or get a whole lot better.

 

 


	2. chapter 2

 

 

 

The night had been long and short at once. He turned in his bed for a long time, hours, unable to fall asleep. When he finally did, it was short.

Only three and a half hours of sleep as he woke up nearly two hours before the alarm clock rang.

For a moment, he considered trying to sleep some more, but he knew himself and he just knew that sleep wouldn't come. After some hesitation, he decided to go running in order to lose some of his stress.

Ten minutes later, he was in the street, running as if all the demons of hell were chasing him.

Half an hour later he was back but a lot calmer. He took his time to get ready. He took a long shower, put on all his lotions – concealer, too, to hide the consequences of his nearly sleepless night – and he had a good breakfast.

The journey to school was done in silence, despite the return of some of his stress; it wasn't as high as before, though. When the car stopped, he took a deep breath, put his mask on and thought, "Let the show begin!" before getting out.

Hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his bag hanging on his left shoulder, Kurt managed to pass the through the doors of McKinley High School without being noticed. That one fact was a huge improvement compared to the past three years when he would already have been insulted ten times.

He gave a sidelong look toward the jocks near the dumpster and shivered inside. He tried to encourage himself thinking, "Don't let them feel your fear, don't let them!"

He reached his first class without problem. He quickly scanned the room with his eyes before sitting in the middle of the left side.

He could feel gazes on him but they didn't have the bad vibes they always had before. He smiled at the boy on his right and began to put his belongings in the desk.

Once he finished, he cursed himself for not having thought before of a way to engage someone in conversation. He was about to wish for the teacher's arrival when he heard it.

"Hi, I am Brittany."

He turned his head to look for who was talking. Brittany turned out to be a blonde who was sitting on a desk but he didn't have the time to watch her more closely because she was looking at him with a big smile.

He was the one she was talking to.

"Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel." He read somewhere that it was better to use a few words than too many, so that was what he did, but he smiled at her. Perhaps by smiling he would incite her to keep talking.

"I love your hair… and your dead cow."

Okay, maybe she should stop talking because he had absolutely no idea of what she was talking about.

"Thanks ... I think ... Which dead cow?"

He shouldn't have asked, the explanation might be more complicated than the first sentence, but he couldn’t stand the idea of being left in the dark.

"She means your jacket, dumbass!"

Kurt froze: that wasn't Brittany.

His eyes scanned the black-haired girl who had spoken. She was watching him with a smirk on her face.

He considered for a second to give her an answer but, in the end, he decided she wasn't worth it and he dismissed her to go back to Brittany.

"I understand; thanks. But, you know, it's not a real cow, it just looks like it; it's synthetic."

Her smile, if possible, grew even bigger? "Really?"

Kurt nodded.

"Can I touch it?"

The request surprised him, but he nodded once more and held out his arm. He thought she was only going to feel the sleeve, but that was not what she did.

She slid her hand all over his arm and squeezed his biceps. From the way she looked at him, he got the feeling the "really nice!" she said before the teacher asked her to sit on a chair wasn't about the jacket.

His idea was confirmed by the boy to his right.

"Hummel, right? Good job and in less than ten minutes into the first hour. I’m Imumm; Max Imumm."

His eyebrows raised, Kurt looked at him, sceptical.

"Yeah, that's my real name. My parents are funny like that."

Before he had a chance to answer, Miss Take came near them and frowned. Not wanting to get noticed on the first day, he closed his mouth and he sent a smile half in earnest, half in jest in Max's direction.

When the bell rang, Brittany was back by his side.

"You know, Kurt, I think that you and me and maybe Santana, should do something together. What do you think?"

Kurt quickly thought about it. Brittany looked nice, although lacking a bit of subtlety with her advances. But one of his goals was to open himself up and to make as many friends as possible.

"Okay, how about Saturday," he suggested.

At his words, Brittany's face got brighter than ever, and she assented. "Let's talk about it at lunchtime, okay?" Without waiting for his answer, she skipped over to join Santana – the snide black-haired girl – at the door.

Kurt shook his head; she was just ... adorable. Max's voice sounded out behind him. "You are quick, dude!"

Oh gosh, he hated that word. Kurt turned around and smiled. "What can I say? I am good like that. So what do you have now? I have French."

"Spanish. See you!" Before leaving, Max held his fist out for Kurt to bump; Kurt hesitated one second, but hit it before he left.

He rushed to his next class, his heart beating a little fast. He couldn't help but think that his plan was working. He had more people talking to him in one hour than in one semester the previous year.

He arrived two minutes late and Mr. Leroi asked him to be more careful in the future. He took the first vacant seat and listened to the blah blah of the teacher while he put a pad and some pens out. It was only when he heard the teacher asking them to have a discussion, in French, with their neighbors that Kurt looked around him.

His closest neighbor was exactly the kind of guy the old Kurt would have run away from – tall, muscular and sullen-looking – but the new Kurt couldn't do it, so he started up a conversation.

"Salut, je m'appelle ‘Kurt’. Et toi?" A presentation and ‘what's your name’ were basics, but since he hadn't practiced his French at all during the holiday it would have to do.

" _I am Matt_."

The answer was short and without any opening. Then, Kurt racked his brain to find something else to ask but, luckily, Matt did it.

" _How was your holidays?_ " The words were faltering, but Kurt understood and managed to answer in French but just as hesitantly. " _Very busy. I worked part-time with my father, and I practiced football the rest of the time._ "

As he did the first time, Matt took his time to translate it mentally and then he smiled and said: " _Funny, I did the same thing. I worked with my parents and played football with my best friend, Mike_."

From then on, the discussion went easily. Well, as easily as possible since they were speaking in French. From what Kurt understood, Matt worked at his parents' bakery, helping behind the counter and with some of the baking. It was nice to meet a boy of his age who liked cooking as much as he did.

At the end of the lesson, they both went their way, intending to have lunch together.

* * *

 

Holding his tray tight, Kurt was relieved to get a seat in front of Max. He had been so afraid he would have to eat alone like that short, black-haired girl over there with the dreadful sweater with a kitten on the front.

Soon, they were joined by Matt and his best friend Mike. Then, Brittany came over to discuss their little rendezvous while Santana talked with Mike to make it a double date.

Choosing what to do took time, but they decided to meet at the park at 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon to watch the movie Brittany wanted.

Once it was settled, the discussion turned toward school and activities. Kurt couldn't help but smile when he noticed how stereotypical they all were: the girls wanted to try out for cheerleading and the boys for football.

Staying quiet, Kurt observed the way Matt and Mike, Brittany and Santana interacted with each other.

The boys had the kind of easy friendship he always dreamt about. They got each other. Sometimes one would look at the other and you could feel they were talking without words. It must be wonderful to have someone always on the same page as you, Kurt mused.

The girls were not so different. They understood each other but, to him, it was the strangest friendship ever. It was the most unlikely relationship, Brittany being the sweetest girl in the world and Santana one of the meanest. She was horrible to everyone but Brittany. Well, Santana was mean but it was funny when it wasn't directed to him

He felt a hand on his arm and looked at Brittany and pretended to listen to their little chat.

That night, he told his dad about his day and when he asked if it was okay to hang out with them on Saturday, there was a pause before he agreed.

The next days followed a similar pattern.

Every morning, Kurt saw people being thrown into the dumpster. Mostly two boys: one with ringlets and a bow-tie, another with a ginger ’fro. Every day he passed through the school doors feeling relieved and ashamed. Relieved because it wasn't him and ashamed that it made him happy.

He was lucky to have at least one of his new "friends" in all his classes. At lunch, Kurt, Max, Mike and Matt sat together while Brittany and Santana ate with a bunch of girls. Then they would stop by to say "hi", each one in her own way: one with a kiss on the cheek, the other with some barb.

On Wednesday morning, Mike saw the registration form for the team tryouts and the four of them added their names to a very long list. The tryouts would take place the following week and Matt suggested they meet to practice on Sunday afternoon.

On Tuesday evening, after dinner, his father asked him to wait a moment because he needed to talk to him about something. After that, he left the room.

Puzzled, Kurt prepared himself some hot milk, wondering what was happening. His father had never been a very talkative person, rarely asking for discussion. He was sipping his vanilla milk when his dad came back with some pamphlets that he put on the table.

“What are those?” He asked, but in the same time he read the titles.

‘Sex and Relationships’... ‘Ready for Sex?’.... ‘Protection!’... ‘Respect Yourself’... ‘Contraception’....

“These are pamphlets that I picked up at the free clinic to help the process along because it’s time that you and I have ‘The Talk’.”

Kurt’s answer was straightforward. “No, it's not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Oh my gosh! No!”

Kurt looked at his father, eyes wide open. He _so_ didn't want to hear this; he wasn't ready and might never be!

In a second, the mug was on the table, his fingers were in his ears and he was standing up and singing, "la la la la la" all while quickly heading to the door.

He could hear his dad talking.

“Hey, you think ...”

"La-la-la..." Kurt tried to sing higher, louder, to block out his dad’s voice, but it didn't work.

".. it's easy for me?"

Before he got the chance to reach it, he felt hands pressing on his forearms, forcing him to take the fingers out of his ears as he was pushed onto a chair.

"Believe me, I want to do this even less than you do. It's gonna suck for both of us, but we are going to go through this together and we are both going to be better men because of it. Okay, it can be painful, but wonderful, too. I am not going to explain to you the mechanics, but I want you to read all that," and his father pushed the pamphlets toward him," and then I want you to come to talk to me about it."

Kurt tried to hold his father's eyes and he looked as awkward as he himself felt. Hoping against his better judgment that it was going to be enough, he nodded.

"Deal?"

Apparently it wasn't; his dad needed words. So he stuttered out the most pathetic-sounding "O-okay" ever and tried to stand up.

He heard his dad clap his hands. "Alright, now ... hey! Sit down – we just got started!"

 _Oh, my goodness, it wasn't finished!_ Wordlessly, Kurt retook his seat.

"Now, for most guys, sex is just, ya know, this thing we always want to do. Ya know, it’s fun, feels great, but we're not really thinking too much about, ya know, how it makes us feel on the inside, or, ya know, how the other person feels about it."

Seeing how his dad repeated "ya know" three times in three sentences, Kurt realized it was true: this conversation sucked for both of them.

So he decided to make an effort, and asked: "Women are different?" As soon as he heard the question, his father looked more at ease and it impacted on his answer.

"Only because they get that it’s about something more than just the physical. Ya know, when you're intimate with somebody in that way, you're exposing yourself, ya know; you're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. Believe me, I can't tell you how many buddies I've got who have gotten way too deep with a girl who said she was cool with just hooking up. "

"But that's not going to happen to me, Dad." _Because he didn't want to have sex._ It really wasn't in his future plans, neither the short term one nor the long one. He loved romance, not sex.

“Maybe not, but you got to know that once you start doing this stuff you're not going to want to stop. Yah just... you gotta know that it means something. You know, it’s doing something... to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like... you're just having fun.”

Kurt tilted his head and asked, “So you're saying I shouldn't have sex?”

His dad looked at him seriously and said: "I think, on your 30th birthday, it is a great gift to yourself."

Kurt watched him with a strained smile.

"Kurt, when you're ready, I want you to be able to ... to do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. 'Cause you matter, Kurt. "

Seeing the faint smile on his father's face, Kurt stared at him and slowly asked, "Is that it?"

"That's it for now ... Hey, you wanna watch the match?" The question was noticeably easier to ask.

"I think I'll take my milk up to my room to drink and look over my new pamphlets." He took all the booklets in one hand and the mug in the other. He was about to go through the door when he turned his head and said: "Thank you, Dad."

“You're welcome.”

As soon as he was in his room, Kurt slid the pamphlets into the drawer of his night table. It was nice of his dad, but sex really wasn't on the agenda.

Friday night found Kurt lying in his bed, his head full of questions.

The talk with his father and the pamphlets he finally decided to read raised a lot of questions. Now he was worrying about the gathering on Saturday. So far, he’d managed to convince himself that it was just some friends meeting to watch a movie and maybe eat a couple of burgers, but he wasn't so sure any more.

What was Brittany expecting when she invited him? Was she looking for a boyfriend? Was he really ready to be someone’s boyfriend? Did he want to be someone’s boyfriend?

Eyes open wide, he worried: what if she tried to kiss him? Should he kiss her back? He’d never kissed anyone! He had no clue what to do... What if he was bad and she told Santana? Santana, being herself, would make fun of him. Pretty soon, everybody would know it and he would be back to the start.

No! He couldn't let that happen. He needed to prevent it. He needed tips. No way in hell he would ask his dad or any of his new friends: far too awkward! He could still do what he did to choose his sport: Google… but not now. If his dad saw the light on and asked him why he was up so late... just thinking about the answer made him blush.

What would it be like to kiss her? He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the scene.

_It was dark, he was in his seat and she was near him ... they were watching a romantic comedy (he couldn't imagine Brittany choosing a different kind of movie) ... their hands would be intertwined on the armrest and when the two lovebirds on the screen would declare their love, he and Brittany would look at each other and then… they would kiss. It would be light and nice and..._

He reopened his eyes and sighed.

He liked Brittany. She was beautiful and funny, a bit strange, but nice and sweet ... but even if he tried with all his heart, he couldn't see them kissing with as much passion as ... Rhett and Scarlett, Harry and Sally or Jack and Ennis. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it only happened like that in movies.

Then his thoughts went to the rest of the afternoon. Mike was friendly, but not very talkative. What if they found nothing to talk about? He could already hear Santana's voice saying," You guys suck, I am so bored!"

Questions turned inside his head until the sound of a car starting up in the street surprised him. He glanced at his alarm clock, afraid to read the time. He was right. He’d literally stayed up all night long to worry about the coming afternoon.

His morning went terribly quickly. He read some kissing advice on a couple of websites and found them all useless; he decided to catch three hours of sleep before getting ready.

If he’d had his old wardrobe he would have needed time to find the perfect outfit for the event, but he didn't. All his clothes were the same now: jeans, T-shirt and sneakers. He went for all black to bring out his eyes and his hair. He took his jacket since Brittany liked it, some money and slowly walked toward the park.

Brittany and Santana were already at the park and once Mike arrived, the three of them turned to Brittany since she should now let them know what they were going to do. She watched them looking at her and smiled. "Why are you all looking at me?"

Kurt bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing but he saw Mike's smile and Santana's black look in his direction.

"Brit-Brit, you were supposed to choose the movie, don't you remember?"

The blond girl blinked for a few seconds before answering. "Yes! And, I found the perfect one! It's Mulan and it’s about girl power because the girl is the best so you will like it, Santana. Mike, one of the characters is called Chang and he is Chinese so he must be one of your ancestors, isn't it cool? And, I love all the Disney movies, except One Hundred and One Dalmatians because Cruella is too mean."

Kurt wondered if he should ask or not why it was perfect for him. To be honest, he was a little bit scared of the answer.

"And Hummel?"

Well, since Santana asked it for him he was going to know whatever he wanted it or not.

"They are the same. He is a boy, but he talks like a girl and she is a girl disguised as a boy but with a girl's voice!"

Kurt flushed and he avoided looking at them but he could hear Mike laughing in his fist and Santana roaring with laughter.

"What? Why are you all laughing? Is it a bad choice?”

Poor Brittany was frowning, sincerely worried. Not wanting to explain to her that she’d managed to be unintentionally racist toward Mike and offensive to him, Kurt forced a smile. "No, it's perfect, isn't it?"

The two others agreed and Kurt carried on. "So, where are we going?"

Reassured, Brittany started smiling again. "Well, Mulan isn't at the theater, but I have it at home. So I thought we could go to mine and watch it on the big screen and eat popcorn. And, the best part is that we can sing along. I love Disney songs. My favorite is when she is having her bath and I love ‘Make a man out of you’ and..."

"Brit? How about you lead the way so we can go watch it?"

Kurt was relieved to have Santana run interference because he got the feeling Brittany would have told them all of her favorite Mulan songs. The walk to Brittany's home wasn't long and the discussion was mostly held between the girls, which was perfect for him.

The house was mid-sized and the pink color of the walls gave it a fairy tale look. The pits of stone and the stone dwarfs scattered around the garden were so much like Brittany that he wondered how her parents were.

When she took the key out of her sock, she told them they were trying to build a coffin of glass under the tree. At those words, he knew her parents were certainly as eccentric as she.

Five minutes later, they were settled down in the living-room, the DVD was ready and Brittany went to the kitchen to get some popcorn. He talked with Mike and Santana for a while, making fun of Mrs. Romeo, their English teacher who wasn't the brightest person ever. She had made three mistakes in the space of one hour (three that they noticed), the worst being in the author's name of the book they were going to study. The Catcher in the Rye never was and never will be written by Roger Salengro. They were laughing about how awkward it was to look at her on Tuesday because of the breast-feeding bra she wore under a see-though white shirt when they realized Brittany had been gone for a long time.

"Brittany?"

No sound came from the kitchen; worried, they all got to their feet to search for her.

They found her sitting at the table, looking at something in a saucepan.

"Brit, are you okay?" Santana's voice had never sounded so soft.

"It doesn't work." Brittany looked up and shrugged sadly. "Mom said to put the corn in a saucepan and it will become popcorn, but it doesn't work."

She appeared so sad, so small that, without thinking, Kurt sat beside her, took her in his arms and kissed her temple.

"That's okay, sweetie. How about you go with Mike into the living-room and I will take care of that with Santana?"

She nodded, hugged him and kissed his cheek before taking Mike's hand to leave.

"You need help making the popcorn?" Santana’s tone showed she was making fun of him, but he began to understand how she functioned: she only wanted a reaction out of him so he stayed calm. "Not for the popcorn itself but I'm sure you know your way around this kitchen better than me and I need some ingredients.”

Soon, they were all eating popcorn and getting caught up in the story. Regardless of Britt’s reasons for picking Mulan among all the possibilities, in the end it was a good choice. She sang the first song alone and soon they were all singing along. It was funny and light and was exactly what Kurt needed after such a stressful week.

Santana and Mike left as soon as the movie ended and by the way they looked at each other, it was easy to see for what. He noticed Brittany was grim as they left but she quickly hid it. It was disturbing to see someone as open as she putting on a mask.

The atmosphere shifted subtly. It wasn't an easy-going meeting anymore. Britt’s smile wasn't as open but a bit forced and resolute.

She reached for Kurt’s hand and pulled him toward the couch, pushed him on it and slowly sat on his knees. There was no hesitation in her act; her arms went around his neck and soon she was pressing herself against him. It was aggressive and the bad thing about it was that she didn't even appear to be enjoying it any more than he was.

"What are you doing?" The question in itself was stupid; he knew what she was doing, but he needed to understand why she was doing it. But she didn't answer, at least not with words; she leaned on him and pressed her mouth to his. It was so light that he could have imagined it if it hadn’t been for the root beer taste of her lip gloss on his lips.

"I kissed you…" She didn't look as sure as before.

"Why?" Kurt wasn't fishing for compliments or declarations of love; there was just something he didn't get with her behavior.

"Because Santana said that's what people do on a date – they kiss on the lips and everywhere and then they have sex. Santana said it and I saw it on TV, too."

"Okay, sweetie, I think that you and I need to talk. Why don't you sit next to me?"

The remainder of the afternoon was stranger than he could have imagined it.

He repeated to Brittany what his father told him about having respect for yourself; he tried to make her understand that she didn't have to have sex with everyone she had a date with. By the end, he thought she understood.

They even made a list of questions she had to ask herself and the other person before doing anything.

Does she like him/her?

Does Lord Tubbington like the person? (Apparently the cat has the power to see if a person is good or not.)

Does the person prefer Mulan or Belle? (Answer is Mulan because Belle is stupid to leave a magical castle.)

And, finally, would she want another date with him/her? (If the answer is no, then no kisses).

They tried the list on Kurt: the cat liked him; he couldn't do the Mulan/Belle question since he knew the good answer and she said yes to the other two questions.

Once Kurt answered his own questions, they agreed that it was better for them to stay friends at the moment, but that they could hold hands because Brittany said it felt nice. They could also peck each other to say "hello", she added, because it was nice, too.

On Monday, as soon as she saw him, Brittany smiled and kissed him and took his hand. Kurt was smiling, too, because she was right: it was nice.

 


	3. chapter 3

 

 

Even after a long reflection, Kurt still had no clue how he ended up here. How did Brittany convince him to come watch her try-out?

He looked around him; well, at least he wasn't the only one. Mike got coerced by Santana. Wherever Mike went Matt followed – and subsequently – the other boy was here, too. Officially, Max was here to support them in that ordeal, but from the way he stared at the girls as they stretched and danced, Kurt could stake his life that it wasn't the only reason.

Their opinions about the girls’ abilities were not always the same but they agreed on two things: first, Brittany and Santana were two of the best – and the coach was absolutely awful. Her comments were so horrible that every other time the contender left in tears.

Kurt had to admit that she was mean but, honestly, he had no idea why some of the girls came; they moved and danced like ... Michael Guerin! It was like they came there to be bashed like in the "Worst auditions" in American Idol. Maybe they were all masochists?

The coach finally dismissed them by yelling, "Get out of my sight! And if your name isn't on the list, don't even dare to come to snivel in my office. That's because you’re worse than a group of dancing human torsos!"

Thirty seconds later, almost everyone had gone and Kurt briefly wondered how many were still hoping to be on the list the following day. Brittany jumped into his arms and lightly kissed him on his lips – she’d done it three times already and he wouldn't be surprised if all students thought they were dating.

"How were we? Do you think we did well?" Brittany threw out the questions before anxiously nibbling her lips while waiting for his answer.

"Brit-Brit, I already told you we were the best,” Santana butted in before Kurt could say a word. “They were all so shitty that they could barely stand on one foot without falling on their asses, so don't worry." Her answer was not enough, however, to appease her best friend's fears.

Kurt noticed this and smiled as he petted Britt’s cheek.

"I wouldn't go as far as Santana, but she is right, sweetie. You were good, one of the best and if you’re not chosen, no one will be. Right, guys?"

He didn't look at the other boys but they must have agreed because she immediately relaxed. Then, she took his hand and Santana's pinkie and pulled them toward the door.

Passing through the door was as challenging as it had been all day long since Santana had Mike's hand in hers and they were walking like a human chain. It was funny to watch people observing their strange group and moved aside so they could walk ... it was like the Red Sea parting for Moses.

Tuesday morning proved Kurt and Santana right and on Wednesday the two girls could be seen in the short red skirt and the matching red and white top of the cheerleaders’ uniform.

* * *

 

 

Max, Matt, Mike and Kurt were waiting for Coach Tanaka to arrive. The atmosphere on the pitch was full of excitement and apprehension. The coach was not often late but enough to show to Kurt there was a lack of seriousness and commitment.

They were looking at the other competitors, attempting to guess which positions they were here to try out for. Sometimes it was obvious, like the two mountains of muscles, but others – like the ginger from the dumpster – were not.

A loud and long whistle made them all freeze before everybody turned towards the sound. It came from a stocky dark-haired man with an ugly and unfriendly face.

If Coach Sylvester was mean, at least she physically suited her job; Coach Tanaka didn't.

The man was huge, but not with muscles, only fat. Chances were good that he was unable to do any of the things he was about to ask them to do. Kurt exchanged a surprised glance with his friends.

"Okay, guys, I want you to run five laps in less than eight minutes and split off by position." He pointed out the notices he held in his hands. "Go!"

Everyone began to run; some were very quick, others a lot slower.

As he didn't have a timer, Kurt did the laps as quickly as he could without getting out of breath. When the final whistle sounded, quite a few of the guys were still running. Max was among them.

"All those who aren't around their notice can leave: I don't need slugs, I want dynamic and athletic people!"

Eyes wide, Kurt saw his new friend looking at him as if he was waiting for something. Before he could decipher what that was, the coach yelled at them to warm up and wait for him to tell them what to do.

Then Kurt turned his attention toward the other kickers and did what had been asked of them. In all there were five. Neither spoke while they stretched but they all evaluated each other; trying to figure out the level of their opponents, but there was no way of being sure. At least, none that Kurt knew.

Coach Tanaka came back with a boy following him and they all stopped.

"Okay, I can't be everywhere at once so Malcolm here will take some notes for me. I want you to shoot five times in a row, from different places and Malcolm will write down the results. When you are done, you can go. I'll call you back no later than Friday if you are taken. If not, well, sorry – and try again next year."

Then, he was gone. It really wasn't at all as Kurt had imagined.

Malcolm called them one by one. The first one did well. The second missed his first try and the two after failed them all but Kurt couldn't tell if it was because of the stress or just because they were bad.

When his turn arrived, he felt so stressed that his legs were nearly shuddering and he barely heard people around him over his own heartbeat.

He took a deep breath, getting ready to kick when he heard the yells: "Go, Kurt, go! Woo-hoo!"

He glanced at the bleachers and laughed: Brittany, Santana and two unknown cheerleaders were there. From then on his stress left him and he didn't miss a single shot. They all went straight over the uprights and every time his personal cheering section made itself heard.

It was nice and he wondered if it would feel that good if he made the team.

He did… and it did.

Two days later he was, along with Mike and Matt, one of the new members of William McKinley High School’s football team, the Titans. Obviously Max hadn’t made it and he came to yell at them the day following the try-out results and when he saw them with their letterman jackets in the school colors.

Apparently, Max had expected them to throw away their own chances to succeed in support of him.

Kurt was so outraged by Max’s behaviour – someone he’d on known for just a week – that he froze. Luckily it was only for a short time and then he pulled himself together and took Max down a peg or two with some well-chosen words. It wasn't planned, but several people heard it, repeated his words and misrepresented them to the point that he became known for his blistering tongue and some kids even started avoiding him.

He didn't enjoy it but it was better being avoided because people are scared of you than being the one who was scared. At least, with that setup, he was left alone except by his friends.

Since the ‘double-date’, Kurt didn't take the time to think about what Brittany had said. It was true that his voice was a lot higher than most of other boys of his age. He never really thought about it, unless someone was calling him Mrs. Hummel on the phone.

He hated to answer, "No she's dead, this is her son," but he loved the awkward silences that followed the cold-calling.

His friend, Google, attested that for most boys, the changing of the voice already happened by his age so he began to worry. Why hadn't his voice changed? Could he do something about it? Was it even possible?

He typed in "how to have a deeper voice" and learnt that exercises could strengthen his vocal cords.

It didn't look too hard or time-consuming. Even if no one but Brittany ever said anything about it, he didn't want to give ammunition to his detractors and it might be useful to extend his vocal range anyway. As they said, better safe than sorry, and that was how he ended up with a new work-out.

One week after being accepted on the football team, Kurt realised he never got to tell his dad. It wasn't as if he’d tried to make it a secret. His dad had come home really late that day and then he just ... forgot?

Now, because of his negligence, he didn't know how to tell him without hurting him, without making him feel unimportant.

Kurt mentioned his dilemma to his friends, looking for guidance, but nobody seemed to understand his problem. Hendson, the running-back, looked puzzled by the question. It wasn’t that he didn't understand it; he just couldn't grasp how Kurt could have forgotten something that huge.

As for Kurt, he wondered a moment how to explain to someone to whom football was so important that it wasn't the case with him. How could he tell Hendson that, three months ago, the rules were a mystery to him and, therefore, it wasn't always on his mind? He couldn't and he didn't want to, so he shrugged.

The conversation deviated to the game between the Giants and the Eagles on Saturday and Kurt inadvertently turned the sound down. That was when he got an idea. That evening he was in the kitchen eating dinner with his father when he put his idea into action.

"Hey, dad, can I invite some friends over next Saturday?"

The silence following his question wasn't surprising. It was a question he’d never had to ask him. He’d had friends in elementary school but at that time his mum was still alive and she was the one taking care of it.

When she died, things changed. He’d pushed his friends away and, thinking about it now, perhaps they had pushed him away, too. He remembered people looking at him differently but he mostly remembered feeling alone and it remained the same during all of middle school.

So, it truly was the first time he asked that of his father. Burt’s surprise quickly shifted to pleasure.

"Why not? Well, how many are we talking about ... you don't mean a party, right?"

"Not that many; just Matt, Mike, Hendson and maybe Brit and Santana. But I am not sure if they will be interested. No, not a party ..." Here he took a deep breath and leapt. "As I am on the team, I thought it would be nice if we all watched the game together and it might help build team spirit, you know?"

If his dad was happy to discover he had friends now, he was ecstatic when he realized who his friends were.

"Congratulations, kiddo! So, which position? Quarterback like your old dad?"

Kurt laughed. "Dad! Do you see me? No, kicker is good enough for me!"

It was so strange to see his dad babbling; it was a first. They spent the rest of the evening deciding on food and drinks and talking about his first practices.

Things, however, didn't go as easily as he thought.

He invited the boys without problem; with the girls it didn't go as smoothly.

Britt asked if her new friend Quinn could come, too. Quinn was one of the Cheerios. She was also in Biology with Kurt and looked nice enough so he agreed. She came to talk to him at the end of the lesson, wondering if her boyfriend (apparently it was quite new) could join them.

Finn Hudson, the quarterback.

Kurt didn't have a definitive opinion about Hudson yet. He didn't look very smart but perhaps he hid it very well. He could be nice when he wanted to – if he stopped hanging out with the bullies.

After a quick reflection, he nodded. Quinn smiled and thanked him before leaving. Kurt shook his head, amused; she looked lovely when she smiled. Her smile wasn't like Britt's, though; it was Mona Lisa-like, sweet and a bit melancholy.

Hudson caught up with him when he left the restroom after lunchtime, Shane Tinsley and Azimio Adams by his side and he asked if they could come, too.

Kurt held his sigh, realizing that he would end up with a bigger crowd than he originally thought, but he didn't want to be rude so he extended the invitation.

He was annoyed to have to tell his dad there would be nearly twice the number coming than he’d first said, but he did it. Contrary to his concern, though, his father wasn't disturbed, commenting only on the amount of food they would need.

Saturday came sooner than Kurt expected or would have wanted it. Luckily, he slept better than before the last friendly gathering. Matt offered to come early to help set things up, which Kurt appreciated a great deal.

Indeed, even if his father said it too, Kurt knew by experience how Saturdays were at the shop. He would most certainly arrive late and Kurt really didn't want to be rushed.

The cleaning was finished around 1 p.m., and he was surprised to hear when the bell rang less than half an hour later. He headed for the door and opened it.

"Hi, I hope it's not too early ..." Matt said with a half-shy, half-embarrassed smile on the face.

"Of course not, except if you were joking about giving a hand!"

Matt’s smile became easier. "I wasn't. So, what can I do?"

To begin, they put some music on because musical work is funnier. Kurt let his friend choose the music, being fairly easy-going about it. Of course he had some favorites but he could listen to everything without too much complaint.

They re-arranged the living-room so that everyone had a comfortable seat before pushing the table against the wall and put glasses, plates and napkins on it.

Then, they headed to the kitchen. When Kurt said he was going to prepare the pizza dough first for it to rest while he made other things, Matt offered to do it.

They both started to work, sometimes in silence enjoying the music, sometimes talking, exchanging cooking tips or singing along with Michael Jackson.

Matt was a huge fan; he knew all the lyrics and most of the dance moves. He did a mean moonwalk and he explained that Mike and he used to watch the video clips tirelessly until they could both perfectly recreate the choreography, but that Mike was far better than him.

Soon pizzas and pigs-in-the-blanket were in the oven waiting to be cooked, chips, sodas and sweets were on the table and cheeses and fruits in the fridge. Kurt just wanted to cut the pineapple, strawberries, melons and watermelon but Matt suggested making fruit skewers as it was pretty and colorful. As Kurt loved when food was pretty, they quickly put some together before people began to arrive.

Watching the game with his dad and other people was a new experience. It was interesting and funny. Personally, he didn't have any opinion about who he wanted to win but the same couldn't be said for the others.

The line was clearly drawn: Quinn, Hudson, Adams and Tinsley cheered for the Giants and his dad, Mike, Matt and Santana for the Eagles. Brittany, true to herself, cheered for whoever scored. The best part was when she was commenting on the physique of the athletes.

“Hmm, 49 has nice arms”... “I love 89's smile” … “Oh, look at the muscles on number 5 !” … or “Oh gosh, 2 has a really great ass, yummy!”

Each of her comments was then discussed by the girls who agreed or disagreed while the boys grumbled uncomfortably. Once again, Kurt was in a quandary.

Brittany said all that in his dad's presence!

No one should make these kinds of statements in front of someone’s parents! At the same time, though, he couldn't help but see if he agreed or not with her comments. Generally, he did.

During the early part of the game, everybody migrated to the food. Kurt discreetly got closer to Matt and they quickly critiqued the food. When the game started again, Matt was corroborating that the pigs-in-a-blanket were better with a hint of mustard and Kurt was trying to gain his pizza dough recipe.

During half time, he noticed Mike going through his movies, clearly impressed and the following discussion led to a movie night the next Wednesday.

When the match finally ended, his dad invited everyone to come back the following week for the Cowboys vs. 49ers game. Kurt wasn't exactly pleased since he never intended to watch all the games but since everybody looked happy about it, he kept his mouth shut.

Life settled down to a routine: school, football, practice, friends and dates.

Every morning, he came to school and found himself near the dumpster, feeling revolted, but watching nevertheless as Hudson, Adams and Tinsley threw people in it.

He never really took part in it but he felt awful just for being there – awful and ashamed for not trying to stop it, even if he did hold their belongings. He witnessed more slushies getting thrown than he would have wanted and even if Berry's facial expressions were always funny, he refused to think about the state of her clothes.

Football wasn't hard, at least not for him, and even if he was slowly getting better he didn't get to show off his skills very often during games.

His first impression concerning Coach Tanaka was right. Kurt didn't know a lot about football, except how to kick and strategy wasn't his strong point, but he noticed the coach made a number of bad decisions. To be honest, everything would go better if he managed to inspire a bit of motivation in the team, but he just talked a lot of air.

Most of the players were more interested in sashaying around school and making fun of people than in the game itself. Personally, he didn't care since he joined for reasons even shallower, but that was sad for guys like Greg Hendson who joined because they just lived and breathed football.

The best part of this year was that he had friends, real friends.

When Max stopped talking to him because of football, he was irritated and sad at not being able to get to know him better. He was the first boy voluntarily talking to him in a while. But, despite the bad beginning, he still ended up with great friends with whom he had common interests.

Once a week, generally on Wednesdays, Matt and he had a movie night since they both enjoyed good musicals. Sometimes, but not very often, Greg and Mike were there, too, and they watched a comedy (Greg) or horror (Mike).

With Matt, he also enjoyed the experimental cooking night and that was funny. Sometimes, the experiment was so bad that it went directly into the garbage but other times it was delicious and beautiful and they would take pictures and cautiously write them down.

And there were dates; nearly every week someone would ask him out. First, it was Brittany, then Alice, then Victoria...

Those dates, while nice on a whole, ended oddly.

He and his date would both enjoy the time they spent bowling or seeing a movie but as soon as they were alone somewhere, his date would transform and become some kind of succubus, apparently thinking she was supposed to act like that to be appreciated and loved. At the end of each of these dates, however, Kurt found himself repeating the sex talk his dad had given him.

When he came home at the end of the third date like that, Kurt literally burst out at his dad after he casually asked him, "Hi, son, how was your date?"

"I don't understand! You said girls are smarter than boys about feelings and sexual matters. Then, why are they all so eager to do things they are definitely not ready for?"

"I don't know, son." From his intonation, that wasn't the discussion his father was hoping for when he asked his question, but Kurt was unable to stop himself, so he sighed.

"That discussion sucked for both of us, but you were right: it was a necessity. Respecting yourself is important – so why don’t the other parents don't do it? I mean, all the girls that I’ve been out with wanted to do ‘like on the TV because that's what boys want, right?’, or because they want to be cool and appreciated. And, when I’m in the locker room, the boys are always talking about boobs and legs and which girls let them do what. There is no feeling here, no respect. If they were talking about pieces of meat it wouldn't be different!" Kurt said all that in one breath.

His face fell as he looked at his father.

"You think you can do something about that?" Burt watched his son struggle with his ‘dilemma’.

"I ... I don't know ... Maybe ... hey! Why don't I invite them here? Then, you could tell them like you told me?"

"You ... I ... No!" His dad’s face looked horrified.

"Why not? You did well with me… and it worked on Brittany, Alice and Victoria. You would be so great, dad!"

His dad looked at him incredulously but he pulled himself together and answered. "You said it: that talk sucked for both of us but you are my son. I love you and I had to do it. I can't talk about that with young girls I don't even know. It's not my role! Those girls have parents, haven't they? That's their job!"

"But, dad..." Kurt tried to plead his cause.

"No. Don't you have a Guidance Counsellor at that school of yours?"

Kurt frowned. "I don't know… maybe?"

"Well, find out and explain the problem to him or her and they will take care of it."

Kurt thought about it for a moment and nodded. "Okay."

But the next day, Kurt took one look at Ms. Pillsbury and he just knew she wouldn't be up to the job. She looked like a shy little mouse and would get her head bitten off by some of the girls.

So he mulled it over and then decided right then to make it his affair. As he told his dad, he’d done it with Brittany, Alice and Victoria; he managed to remain friends, very good friends with them and, even more important, it worked.

He knew it for sure because he had to bite his lips to stop himself from bursting out laughing the other day.

He was in the locker room, changing back into his clothes when Jason, the boy with whom Brittany had a date with three days before, explained his evening.

Apparently everything was going great until he saw her back home. He was about to kiss her when her fucking cat bit his ankle; after that, she froze and said: "Thank you, but no thank you".

Kurt was silently listening to Jason bitching about it until the guy began bad-mouthing her, saying she wasn't that great anyway or pretty or smart. He smiled on the inside thinking that Brittany might be right about Lord Tubbington's power because that boy was truly a jerk.

From that moment, he went out a lot. His ‘no-relationship-lasting-longer-than-two-weeks’ rule didn't prevent girls from coming onto him.

Brittany, Alice and Victoria were the first of a very long list of girls.

He helped them understand they were perfect the way they were; they had to respect themselves and learn to do what they wanted – not what they _thought_ boys wanted.

His first purpose was to pass on his father's view on relationships to those who needed it but it indirectly gave him a huge womanizer reputation.

The funny thing was that, even if he went out with more girls than any of his classmates, he was the only one of them who remained friends with all his exes.

That year, summer time was more exciting.

Besides his job at the shop, he ran nearly every day with Matt, Mike and Greg (he restarted to ask his dad to join him with still no luck yet). They played some games and he was surprised to see he wasn't bad at other positions, either, but that didn't mean he would try out for quarterback or receiver's positions. They all hung out and had fun together.

Kurt even got invited to parties. It wasn't the first time but summer parties had a different flavour. They were wilder, crazier and hilarious.

Well, to be honest, it was hilarious after the first one.

During the first party, he let himself go and drank alcohol, so much that he partially forgot his evening and suffered from an awful hangover the next day. It was so bad that he scratched the word alcohol from his vocabulary.

Being a sophomore wasn't much different from being a freshman.

He was still on the team, still had good friends and good grades and he was still looking with longing at the glee club notice but not enough to bring his reputation into question.

Seeing Berry – known as I-am-everywhere-but-I-am-still-a-loser – getting shushies almost every day or Anderson, the bowtie-wearing singer, being thrown into the dumpster every two days didn't encourage him either. And, since he didn't want to be near Mr. Ryerson more than necessary, glee club remained a big ‘no-no’ for him.

He considered talking to Anderson a few times to give him some advice on how to stop being a walking target but he didn't dare, not knowing how it would be received. The team was as bad as the previous year and things would have remained exactly the same without Finn Hudson’s idiocy.


	4. chapter 4

 

 

 

Kurt left the shower and headed for his locker to dress. He was putting on his shoes, listening to his teammates joking around when he heard it.

"Hey, Az, do you know where Hudson is?" It was Greg who had asked the question, but Kurt kept his ears open, curious about the answer.

 "Yep, he said he was going to the hospital with his mum; she's gone to have her prostate out."

 Dismayed, Kurt looked at them all, trying to judge if it was a joke, but seeing the sad faces he realized they were serious. So he couldn't help it and burst out laughing. Everybody turned to gape at him.

"It's not a joke, Hummel! It could be serious!" Shane looked furious as he growled at Kurt. "I know you don't like Finn much but his mum is a good lady, you know. She isn't a laughing matter, dude!"

More than half of the team was looking at Kurt as if he was crazy, but it was so stupidly funny that he had to laugh. He couldn't help it.

When he finally managed to catch his breath he said: "I don't know who I am sorrier for: Finn to think that was a believable lie or all of you for believing it." He brushed the tears from his eyes as he finished his sentence.

"What are you talking about?"

"Women don't have prostates." On that, Kurt left the room, wondering why Hudson had felt the need to lie. Where could he be?

That question didn't stay unanswered for long. Finn Hudson had the courage to do what Kurt remained unable to do: he’d joined Glee Club.

How did that happen? How did he dare to do it after having bullied all the members at least once ... per week? He’d gone as far as to lock up Abrams, the wheelchair guy, in the port-a-potty!

Kurt could have sworn he hadn't imagined any of those cruel actions and yet Finn was there, talking and joking with them as if nothing had ever happened.

A furtive thought crossed his mind. Maybe he could do it, too? But just then he saw the quarterback receiving a shushie to the face. A blue one, probably one of the worst to clean up. Not that Kurt thought of himself as a coward but why should he go looking for something potentially bad for him without a good reason?

On Friday during assembly, The New Directions, which was the glee club's name, performed and Kurt was totally outraged. It was completely inappropriate.

How could a teacher choose or accept such a sexy song? Such choreography? Kurt had made it his job to help girls to realize they are more than a body and to see that ... thing … gave him the urge to scream.

He was still boiling over it when the doorbell rang hours later. He wasn't up for a visit but as he was alone he opened the door nevertheless.

"Quinn, what a surprise!" And it really was a surprise since she never came here alone, always with Santana and Brittany.

"Hi, Kurt, can I come in?" Her voice, her attitude as a whole was unusual. Her eyes were slightly red, as if she had been crying or wanted to. He opened the door a bit more and she slid in the little space between the wall and him with a paper bag in her hand.

They headed for the living-room and she let herself fall onto the couch.

"Do you want some soda, juice, water?"

She usually went for orange juice but not this time. She shook her head, raised her bag and said: "I've already taken care of it," and she showed him a pack of wine coolers hidden inside.

Kurt's eyebrows rose because that was definitely out of character for the usually prim girl.

“Thanks, but you know I don't drink alcohol, so I'm going to grab a drink and I will be back, okay?" He didn't wait for her answer before heading to the kitchen.

Once in there, he took a deep breath and he hesitated a moment before taking out two glasses and the orange juice. He didn't like when the orange juice wasn't freshly squeezed but it would be easier to make her want that than coke. She really wasn't used to drinking alcohol.

He entered the living room and he immediately saw that two empty bottles were already on the table.

He dithered one second before going toward the armchair but Quinn asked him in a small voice: "Can you sit here, next to me ... please?"

And he did without a word.

He stared at her, waiting for her to explain herself but she didn't, sipping on her third wine cooler instead.

"Quinn? Are you okay?"

She turned to look at him, her eyes full of tears.

"Right, that's a stupid question since you obviously are not. Tell me what's happened. Are you hurt?" He was talking slowly, unsure of what she was going to say.

She began to shake her head but suddenly changed her mind and nodded. His eyes skimmed over her but he didn't see any injuries. "Where? Do you need a doctor?"

This time she answered out loud with a small, "No" and put a hand on her heart.

Oh, he understood.

She was hurt emotionally so he opened his arms and she pressed herself against him, holding him tight. He cradled her, whispering that everything was going to be okay.

Suddenly he felt them. Lips on his neck and it wasn't some accidental brush, it was a kiss or, to be exact, kisses, since the lips were moving upward. They were slowly moving up to his ear, onto his jaw and they were about to reach his mouth when he finally unfroze and he moved his head.

"Quinn? What are you doing?" The whole situation was odd and he moved away from her a little.

"I’m kissing you. Don't you like it?" Her expression was full of defiance but the doubt shone in her eyes.

"I noticed, yes. And yes, it was nice, but why are you doing that? You have a boyfriend, right? And it's not like you ..." At those words she completely collapsed." Oh, doll face, what did he do? "

It took her some time but she managed to get everything off of her chest.

How she had the feeling that Finn didn't like her anymore...

That he spent more time with the glee club and Rachel Berry than with her.

Was it a matter of sex?

Because things were fine before one of the other girls announced during a meeting of the celibacy club that girls had needs, that girls wanted sex, too... Should she have sex with Finn even if she believed it shouldn't be done before marriage?

Then she wondered what Rachel Berry had that she didn't. Was she too fat? Too tall? Maybe she just wasn't pretty enough …

Kurt didn't want her either, even though he went out with so many girls. She really must have a problem...

Every one of her words crushed him; she always looked so strong that he would have never guessed she was so unsure. What had Hudson done?

When she left, nearly three hours later, she was in a better state of mind but for the first time in his life, Kurt felt the need to punch another human being in the face… hard!

Finn Hudson deserved it for making Quinn feel like shit. He had the right to be interested in someone else, yes, but not to lead Quinn on.

On Monday morning, he arrived at school at the same time as Hudson and Quinn was waiting by the door. Kurt glanced in their direction and then he saw her walking toward him so he waited.

As she got near enough, he offered her his arm and held back his laugh. The quarterback's expression was hilarious when he realized that Quinn wasn't waiting for him but Kurt instead. Well, take that!

Arm-in-arm, Quinn chattered away as she led him to his locker where Kurt put his books away.

"Okay, doll face, stop the rambling talk. What can I do for you?"

She playfully hit his arm and casually asked, smiling, "How do you know I need something?"

He looked at her, one eyebrow up and a smug smile on his face as he waited.

"Well, it so happens that you are right; I need your help. I thought about what you told me and I decided to fight. Finn is _MY_ boyfriend; I won't let him go without a fight and I know how to do it."

"Well?"

"I need to be in Glee club, too."

That wasn't a bad idea. He nodded and asked: "What do you need me for?"

"Two things: I need to find the perfect song for my audition and..."

"And?"

"Come with me. I don't want to do this alone. I need a familiar face because I don't know how Finn will react, please?"

Even if he wanted to say no, he couldn't. He’d known her for one year and he’d never heard her ask for anything from anyone. So he agreed and she smiled the biggest and the most beautiful smile ever.

Quinn spent most of the day by his side. He saw the curious stares and could nearly hear the rumors going around and the fact that they ate one-on-one didn't help, but he didn't care.

He was discovering a new Quinn. She was funnier than she showed people and had great taste in music. They successively proposed joke songs for their auditions.

Some were completely inappropriate like ‘I touch myself’ or Quinn's proposition to dedicate ‘Touch me’ from the Rocky Horror Picture Show to Finn.

Others were just funny like when Kurt said they should take advantage of Quinn's look and do a duet of ‘Barbie Girl’.

And then there was her black humor surfacing when she falsely wondered if singing ‘My dad is rich’ by Draco and the Malfoys would be in bad taste or worse.

All in all, the day went nicely and would have remained the same without Hudson's intervention at the end of practice.

"Leave her alone!"

The demand was quite simple but Kurt acted as if he didn't understand. "Care to elaborate? Who are you talking about?"

"Quinn! She is my girlfriend! I know how you are with girls but this one is taken so move on!"

Kurt smiled. "We are only friends like you and Berry. So don't worry." He barely finished his sentence when he felt a pain in his jaw. The guy just punched him!

Time froze.

It hurt like hell but Kurt refused to show it to Hudson. He didn't want him to have that satisfaction. Instead, he carefully moved it: it wasn't broken; then he screwed his eyes.

The quarterback seemed surprised by his own actions.

Kurt glared at him and gritted out: "I will let it go this time because I know it's your jealousy speaking but that's a one- time thing..."

"Sorry, I didn't..." Finn began stuttering.

"I don't give a shit!” Kurt was furious and in pain. “Touch me again and you will regret it. Be sure that's not a promise, that's a fact. Now I wonder what kind of friendship you have with Berry so that my innocent comment triggered such a reaction."

And he left, head high but headed for the first bathroom to have a look at his jaw because it hurt like a bitch.

This time, when he heard the doorbell around 5 p.m., he wasn't surprised. However, Mike's presence behind Quinn was.

He completely forgot that this week the movie night had been moved to Monday. For a moment, he didn't know what to do. His eyes went back and forth from Mike to Quinn several times before he finally invited them to come in.

"Are you watching the movie with us?" Mike looked over at Quinn, clearly puzzled.

"We need to work on a project,” Kurt explained, “and ... I forgot we had switched to Monday because you had work on Wednesday." Kurt glanced at Quinn trying to see if she would agree to explain a bit more to his friend.

She got the hint and elaborated to Mike. "Kurt and I are going to audition for glee club, so we are looking for a good song to perform." She said it as if she was challenging him to make fun of them, but he didn't.

Mike slowly nodded instead before answering: "You know, Matt and I talked about it the other day and he looked interested, too. Why don't I call him so we can all do it together?"

An hour later, Brittany and Santana had somehow caught the audition train and the six of them were discussing songs and choreography. After a long talk, they chose to do one big number, a mash up of ‘Umbrella’ and ‘Singing in the Rain’, something a lot more classy than ‘Push It’.

The next morning he discovered, without surprise, the huge bruise on his jaw and for the first time in more than a year he used his concealer. He might have the reputation that went with it, but he refused to give Hudson the opportunity to see him hurt.

He was supposed to meet the others at the auditorium for a last rehearsal before Santana asked Mr. Shuester when they could audition. They were lucky since apparently the Glee club met a bit later in the day and they could audition then if they were up to it.

When the glee members saw them coming down the stairs, they looked puzzled and sceptical. Berry was just angry and Hudson wore his usual dumb face. The teacher, a curly-haired blond guy was smiling.

None of them took the time to introduce themselves before starting their performance.

Without bragging, Kurt could tell they were good and looked good, too. They all wore black jeans with a white shirt and black bowler hats that for some reason Brittany's mum got in seven copies.

Brittany, Santana, Matt and Mike were awesome dancers; Quinn and he were not bad, either. They all harmonized very well together. Santana and Matt killed the chorus as Quinn and he did it for the rest.

Mike and Britt managed one last bit of acrobatics just as the four others ended the song.

Silence followed the performance and then there was loud and enthusiastic applause.

"Welcome to glee club, guys!" Mr. Shuester looked and sounded delighted with their performance.

"NO! Mr. Shue, you can't do that! I am sure their motivations are unclear. They all made fun of us untold times and they are the ones who call us ‘Nude Erections’ ..."

"Rachel, that's enough! The audition was more than good, therefore they are part of the team now," Mr. Schue said firmly.

Kurt watched Rachel Berry watching Hudson as if, by some miracle, he could overcome the teacher's decision and smiled.

"Actually, ‘Nude Erection’ was his idea," Kurt said now with a smirk, pointing his finger at Finn. All the original glee clubbers looked at the quarterback with eyes wide open. Kurt carried on: "And I might have been near the dumpster or around for the slushies but the only one who did those things is already part of the club, isn’t he?"

His words seemed to shut her up and the lesson finally began.

* * *

 

Being in glee club, however, didn't help Quinn and Finn’s relationship.

 The boy spent more and more time with Rachel Berry while Quinn shared her time between Cheerios, school and her friends. It came to the point where Jacob Ben Israel, the pseudo-journalist of the school’s gossip blog started to suggest she was having an affair with Kurt. It would have been funny if certain people didn't already believe it and started spying on them in order to catch a picture of the ‘adulterous’ couple.

 Rachel and Finn spied on their mall trip, sure they would catch them in the act. Quinn and Kurt tried to act as if they were not there, but it was hard since they spotted them at least four times, hidden in corners or behind poles.

 The following day, McKinley's favorite couple wasn't anymore and, of course, it was Kurt's fault. The big bad womanizer that he was, he must have decided to go after the golden couple and Finn stood no chance. Nothing would have been able to make them change their minds, not even the creation of Finchel barely a week later.

 After a few weeks of doubt, Kurt asked Quinn to go out with him with the promise of not pressuring her for sex and joining the celibacy club to prove it.

Kurt Hummel asking a girl out was a surprise in itself since it was usually the other way around but the news that he was now part of the celibacy club was like a landslide all around school. Kurt often wondered what they would say if they realised the wildest adventure of their lover-boy was some light kisses.

He went to his new club with an open mind and without any preconceived ideas. He learnt three things.

Firstly, Quinn was the president.

Secondly, he understood why they used to have to listen to Hudson whine in the locker room about not touching boobs.

And, thirdly, he realised that most of the attendees were here because of religious beliefs and that he kind of felt out of place as the only atheist. He didn't talk during the first meeting and swore to himself it would remain the same for the next ones.

He only went to make Quinn happy, because his father's words went along with their ideas but especially because he felt far from ready to do anything sexual.

He had to be what people called a late bloomer.

Indeed, he had never met a girl who physically attracted him. He really appreciated Quinn but not that way, at least not yet. She was smart, funny and beautiful. They shared hobbies, they both loved shopping, romantic comedies and music. There was nothing unlovable in her and he was sure he would come to love her… in time.

Juggling his Quinn time, his friends' time, his various activities all while keeping his grades up and working at the garage was complicated. That left him little time with his father outside the shop, their Friday night dinner and the game's night which became some kind of institution for the team.

Glee club was more time-consuming than he originally thought. He didn't realize there were competitions. One afternoon he entered the room with Quinn and people were talking about songs they wanted to perform at Sectionals. Nobody agreed with anybody.

In the end, Mr. Shue decided on ‘My life would suck without you’ by Kelly Clarkson and ‘You can’t always get what you want’ by the Rolling Stones. For the last song, he gave them an assignment for the next week to propose a duet.

Partners were quickly chosen. Rachel grabbed Finn with her usual rapidity and Britt did the same with Santana.

The week went on pretty secretively. They prepared their duets to be as perfect as possible and when Monday came they were all overexcited.

Before they began, Mr. Shue explained the rules which weren't complicated: everyone got one vote to put anonymously in a hat. There was only one stipulation: do not vote for yourself.

And the competition began.

As always Rachel demanded to go first. She was wearing a long black dress in complete disharmony with Finn's jeans and baggy T-shirt. They both sat on the floor and she nodded in the band's direction.

 

 

_Hmm, ohh..._

_Kiss me too fiercely_

_Hold me too tight_

_I need help believing_

_You're with me tonight._

_My wildest dreamings_

 

A song from Wicked was a good choice. To be honest, it suited Rachel's voice well...

 

  _Maybe I'm brainless_

_Maybe I'm wise_

_But you've got me seeing_

_Through different eyes_

_Somehow I've fallen_

_Under your spell_

... It didn't fit Finn as well. Kurt could see the other boy tried to do his best but the song just wasn't for him. They should have picked a different song.

Kurt smiled because that gave him a valid reason to not vote for them, something he would have hated to do. Sometimes he was a resentful person and he still blamed Finn for the way he’d acted with Quinn and if he could avoid seeing the I-am-better-than-you expression on Rachel's face that would be a bonus.

After a round of applause they exchanged places with Santana and Britt. It looked completely different. The two girls wore suits, one black and one white

 

 

_[B:] It's me against the music_  
[S:] Uh uh  
[B:] It's just me  
[S:] And me  
[B:] Yeah  
[S:] C'mon [Hey Britney?  
[B:] Are you ready?  
[S:] Uh uh, are you?

 

Okay, that was completely different ... Madonna and Britney Spears. Kurt didn't know what to think. He listened to the girls and watched their choreography with great attention.

His conclusion was that it was good, really good but a bit too flirty for a competition.

When the girls finished, Quinn took his hand and pulled him out to the front. The song they picked wasn't in their usual style but they had come upon it during their research and sang it just for fun. They loved it. They didn't wear anything special, just jeans and well-fitting red shirts.

 

_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world_  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere  
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

 

 They didn't make a huge choreography or stage play, only wanting to enjoy the moment and feel the music...

 

_A singer in a smoky room_  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on

 

 ... And it worked since they got a standing ovation. It was a feeling bigger than when he marked on the football field. They barely had the time to take their seats before the next song began.

 

  _Looking Out_  
Across The Night-Time  
The City Winks A Sleepless Eye  
Hear Her Voice  
Shake My Window  
Sweet Seducing Sighs

 

_Get Me Out_  
Into The Night-Time  
Four Walls Won't Hold Me Tonight  
If This Town  
Is Just An Apple  
Then Let Me Take A Bite

 

Mercedes and Blaine’s voices blended really well together. It was one of the best duets of the day. The only problem for Kurt was her outfit. She was wearing pink and orange zebra stripes. The two colors were loathsome apart but side by side, ugh, it was just unbearable. It was so awful that it hurt his eyes! Just for that they would lose points!

Artie and Tina went next. The good point was they didn't have on horrible clothes. Tina was in her usual Gothic style and Artie his grandpa style. Tina started first and it was lovely, at least she did it well.

 

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,_  
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,  
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie,

_I love the way you lie…_

 

Kurt had some apprehension for the rap part. Eminem was good and he wasn't sure Artie would be up to it but...

 

_I can’t tell you what it really is,_  
I can only tell you what it feels like,  
and right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe  
I can’t breathe when I still fight well I can fight  
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight  
High off of love, Drunk from my hate,  
It’s like I’m huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer.  
I suffocate and right before I’m about to drown

 

 ... He was. It wasn't as good as the original but it wasn't bad, far from it. All in all, the song was well done but Kurt didn't understand their choices.

 On a different level it was as inappropriate as Santana and Britt's song. And, to him it was even worse nowadays.

 If Mike and Matt didn't do an outstanding performance his vote would go to Mercedes and Blaine.

 The boys had taken the time to change their jackets. Indeed, instead of their usual letterman they wore leather. It was strange to see them dressed like that. Kurt smiled when he noticed they even put some gel in their hair. When he heard the first note of the song, he laughed.

 

  _Your Butt Is Mine_  
Gonna Take You Right  
Just Show Your Face  
In Broad Daylight  
I'm Telling You  
On How I Feel  
Gonna Hurt Your Mind  
Don't Shoot To Kill  
Come On, Come On,  
Lay It On Me All Right...

 

He was gobsmacked. He knew they were Michael Jackson fans but that was awesome. His friends were good. No, more than good; the dancing part was perfect. He glanced around him and he knew the others agreed with him.

 

_Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-_  
Come On  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)  
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-  
You Know It  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)  
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-  
Come On, You Know  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)  
And The Whole World Has To  
Answer Right Now  
Just To Tell You Once Again,  
Who's Bad . . .

 

Objectively, the singing needed some work. Clearly, Mike wasn't comfortable but they harmonized well and it was fantastic to watch. As the song ended, he was more than happy to stand up and to applaud them; they deserved it.

Then Mr. Shue took the floor and asked them to think about it and to vote for what was best for the team and not just because they are their friends. He put his paper in the hat.

Kurt hesitated. He observed his teammates' faces before putting down Matt and Mike's names. Mike might not have sung as much as Matt but it remained a duet and the best performance.

He was the last one to vote. As soon as he did, Mr. Shue began to pick out the papers, reading the names and putting a cross in front of each name. Kurt didn't pay it a lot of attention and instead focused on the others' reactions.

He knew that Rachel mustn't have had as many votes as she’d hoped for as her face fell every time she heard a different name.

Mercedes and Blaine were the opposite.

"Congratulations, Quinn and Kurt!"

A round of applause and then a light hit on his shoulder but it was mostly Quinn jumping on his lap that made him understand that they had won. He brushed Quinn's lips with his and smiled. He was about to thank everyone when a voice rang out by his side.

"I protest! It's completely unfair. I am the leader of the club, I should have the duet. I am far better than Quinn! I demand that we vote again. It's obvious that some of us made a mistake while writing the winner's name!"

All at the same time, they turned, disbelieving, in Rachel's direction.

"Rachel," Mr. Shuester, who tended to favor her, oddly interrupted. "They won fairly because they were good, so excuse yourself immediately!"

"But, Mr. Shue, if we want to go to Regionals we need to show off our best singer and that's me. I don't want to be rude only honest!" Rachel answered him with a forced smile.

"Rachel..." She looked over at Finn, waiting for him to finish his sentence and support her. "Be nice, for the team."

Kurt was watching the scene, amazed. He would have never thought that her two biggest fans would be on Quinn and his side.

"Fine! Congratulations ... but that would be without me. I was made to be a star, not to sway in the background." And just like that she left.

At the end, Rachel came back just before Sectionals, which was great since the replacement Mr. Shue found was far from suitable. Better a diva Berry than a drunken Rhodes

They killed it at Sectionals.

It was good to win in one of his extra-curricular activities since the football team was very bad. The only thing that seemed to motivate Coach Tanaka was his courtship of Miss Pillsbury, herself crazy in love with Mr. Shue, himself married to a crazy woman.

High school teachers' love lives looked very complicated and Kurt was relieved to be part of a peaceful one. He was going out with Quinn now for nearly three months and everybody was surprised to see their relationship getting stronger with time.

They were not huge PDA fans, only holding hands and exchanging quick kisses but it was enough for both of them.

They loved to do their homework together and they worked well together which was great for their grades. Then they cuddled in front of the TV or talked and exchanged light kisses. They never went beyond that point.

One evening they were lying on her bed and she suddenly asked him: "Don't you miss it?"

Kurt tried to figure out what her question was about. They were quiet before that. The last topic had been the episode of One Tree Hill they’d just watched so he asked, unsure: "One Tree Hill?"

"No!" Quinn laughed and sat up, leaning against the bed head and said without looking at him, "How your life was before we got together?"

"No!"

Kurt didn't even have to think about it and Quinn's eyes immediately turned towards him. "Really? You don't miss the girls who throw themselves at you or ... the sex or all the things you could do with any of them."

Kurt sat cross-legged in front of her and stared at her before repeating, "No."

Then seeing her eyes filling up with tears and doubt he added, "Can I tell you a secret – or two?" The question was whispered and Kurt smiled as he took her small hand in his.

"Yes."

"You are the only one I did anything with except the little pecks you saw me exchange with Britt or Alice."

"I beg your pardon? Everybody knows..." Her voice slowly died.

"Scout’s honor."

"Kurt, you’ve never been a boy scout!" He was happy to notice she didn't sound so sad now.

"Okay, well ... hmmm ... I swear on my mom's DVD collection?"

"Then I believe you, but why... How?"

"Do you know what I like the best in you?"

"My sparking looks? My intelligence?" The Quinn he knew and appreciated was back and he was glad.

"Nope. Well, I like that too, but it's not my favorite thing."

"Okay, so I give up."

"You respect yourself. You have beliefs and you hold onto them."

"And you like that? Even when those beliefs say ‘No sex before marriage’?" Her voice was sceptical.

"Yes. My father told me it's easy to lose yourself in meaningless relationships or in sex and when I look around me, I think he is right. Relationships and sex are things that need to be handled with caution and that's what we do, together."

"What about Alice, Victoria...?" She looked puzzled by his words.

Kurt smiled and moved toward her before muttering: "Don't tell me that you didn't notice?"

"What?"

"So sad, doll-face. I just helped them realize what you already know: you are perfect as you are, respect yourself and be proud of who you are and then..." He took a break, waiting to see if she understood.

"You play the Matchmaker! Oh, Kurt, you are so sweet and cunning, I love that! For being so sweet, I will buy you a coffee or an ice-cream." She took his hands and pulled him downstairs to his new car.

Three weeks later they lost at Regionals but after a good deal of discussion between Mr. Shue and Principal Figgins, the glee club got one more year to prove themselves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in the chapter are not mine :
> 
> Rachel and Finn :As long as you're mine from Wicked
> 
> Britney and Santana : My against the music by Briteny Spears and Madona 
> 
> Quinn and Kurt : Just a small town girl by Journey 
> 
> Mercedes and Balaine : Human Nature by Michael Jackson
> 
> Artie and Tina : love the way you lie Eminem and Rihanna
> 
> Mike and Matt : Bad by Michael Jackson


	5. chapter 5

 

The beginning of junior year held a lot of surprises for Kurt.

Mr. Schuester got divorced during the summer; something about a false pregnancy. It must have been the greatest news of the year for Miss Pillsbury, but the worst nightmare for Coach Tanaka who sent in his resignation. He probably didn't feel up to watching his ex-fiancé flirt with one of his friends. 

For the team, it meant a new coach.

Finn and Rachel split up, too. Kurt wasn't sure of the reason, but the rumor said it was about Finn lying about his love for Barbra Streisand. Since the boy wasn't happy to see some Jesse fellow sniffing around her, the breakup would probably not last.

Brittany found someone who passed all her tests in the person of Artie.

Mike went to some Asian summer camp and came back with Tina as a girlfriend.

For Matt, it wasn't great: his parents had been talking about moving away all summer long. They wanted to open another shop in Chicago, but fortunately they decided at the last minute that only his father would go, to start.

Kurt didn't see much of his father except at work so he spent the time much of his downtime with Quinn and Matt, wondering where his dad disappeared to, without finding an answer.

The new coach was a woman: Shannon Beiste. She was a mountain of muscles and as soon as Kurt saw her, he knew she was good at her job. Where Tanaka made them want to laugh at him, Coach Beiste immediately inspired respect. She was Greg's idea of a dream coach. She pushed them to do their best and she did it from the start when she opted to take the team back, organizing try-outs that even the members of the team had to pass.

All the glee jocks kept their places, but Jason didn't. Kurt wouldn't regret him since Lord Tubbington was right: he was a jerk. His place was taken by a new blond guy from Kentucky or Tennessee.

Practice was more intense than before and Kurt thought that he might have more opportunities to show off his skill through the season. 

The first Tuesday of October, he left his French class with Matt by his side and they were talking about the next evening.

"Do you know if Mike is still on for tomorrow? He is so busy lately that we still haven't had a movie night in a while," Kurt asked casually.

Matt shrugged. "I don't know, I don't see much of him either…"

"Hey, dudes! Have you seen Chang? I need to talk to him like... yesterday!"

Matt and Kurt turned toward Greg and gave him a dubious glance.

"What? I am not exaggerating. It's true! I phoned him yesterday and the little shit never called back!"

Kurt burst out of laughing; it was so Mike, at least since Tina and he became a couple.

"Hey, that's not funny. I have a test in two hours and he said he was gonna help me," Greg declared, annoyed.

"I think that since our little Mikey is in lo-ove, he forgot his old friends." As Kurt finished his sentence he saw them. The two lovebirds were trying to hide in a corner to kiss.

The trio slowly went toward them. When they were close enough they began to sing: "Tina and Mike, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First, comes love, then comes marriage …"

As if catching onto the act, the couple suddenly moved away from each other. Tina's cheeks were pink and Mike exclaimed, smiling, "Shut up! What are you? Eight?"

"... then comes baby in a baby carriage! Tina and Mike sitting..."

Laughing, the singers repeated the song twice, going louder and louder while making kissing gestures with their fingers as Mike ran behind them to shut them up. If Matt and Kurt sang quite well, Greg was out of tune even in children's songs and he managed to hide in a bathroom just before the others passed through the glee club doors.

The three of them came in laughing, but the oppressive atmosphere of the room shut them down instantly. They looked around and Matt asked, "Okay, who died?" just as Tina joined them.

"No one." Mercedes's voice was strangely small and the tears in her eyes clearly showed something was wrong. “Blaine just announced he is transferring to Dalton Academy, immediately."

The boy in question was sitting on her right, holding her hand and doing all he could to avoid meeting their eyes.

"Dude! Why? Did those Warbler guys recruit you?" Finn's question might sound cold-hearted but was probably in the minds of most of them.

Blaine raised his head and shook it. That was when Kurt noticed. The boy looked exhausted and his eyes were terrified. Kurt knew immediately that Finn's supposition was wrong. Blaine hadn't been recruited, he was just looking for a place free from bullying.

This realization fell on Kurt like a screed of shame, something he’d never felt before and he never wanted to feel again. He knew Blaine was bullied, he knew it from his first day at McKinley and yet he never did anything to help him.

He listened to Finn as he offered a protective detail like famous people had, but Kurt knew it was no use. The boy was already gone and Kurt couldn't blame him, even if that left them one person short for Sectionals.

As surprising as it seemed, finding a new member hadn't been too hard. It happened a few days later, after football practice. Kurt was in the shower when he heard it.

 

_We both lie silently still_  
In the dead of the night  
Although we both lie close together  
We feel miles apart inside  


Someone from the team was singing ... Poison?

 

_Was it something I said or something I did_  
Did my words not come out right  
Though I tried not to hurt you  
Though I tried  
But I guess that's why they say 

 

Kurt quickly finished washing himself while paying attention to the song. In tune, nice singing voice, in place …

 

_Every rose has its thorn_  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
Every rose has its thorn

 

He cut the water, grabbed his towel and followed the voice. He stopped just outside a shower stall. Mike, Matt and Finn were there, too, in the same half-dressed state as Kurt, and they all waited with a smile on their faces.

 

_But now I hear you found somebody new_  
And that I never meant that much to you  
To hear that tears me up inside  
And to see you cuts me like a knife  
I guess

Every rose has its thorn  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
Every rose has its thorn.

 

Soon the song ended and the water stopped. A few seconds later, the new running-back, Sam Evans, came out. He saw them and stepped backwards, staring.

"Hi, Sam!" They said it in a frightening chorus.

"Hi, guys?" Sam tightened the hold of the towel he had around his waist.

"Dude, you're so good! You totally have to do it with us!"

Finn's exclamation, far from reassuring Sam, left him even more uneasy. "I don't think so...."

"Why? I wasn't sure at first. I even tried to keep it secret, but now everybody knows and it's very good!" Finn’s voice was loud and eager and he grinned maniacally at the wary boy in front of them.

"Well, good for you…" Sam looked around him and added, "…to all of you, but I am not interested. I know people think so because of my hair, but you know I am not gay..." The last part was said so softly that most of them didn't really hear it. 

Then Matt burst out of laugh before hitting Finn up the back of the head. 

"Idiot, you forgot the key part! Dude, we are not here to offer you sex..." Matt explained to a wide-eyed Sam.

"No! I am not talking about sex, I'm talking about Glee!" Finn looked reproachfully at Matt and then back at Sam.

"Shut up, Finn! Let Matt take care of it," Kurt interjected. 

"Glee?" Sam was baffled .

"Glee _Club_. What our idiot of a quarterback meant to say was: we heard you _singing_ , you are _good at it,_ and it would be great if you join us _in Glee Club_. Nothing sexual here, we are just a group of people meeting to sing, you see?" Matt tried to look harmless, throwing in a smile for good measure.

Sam finally relaxed and smiled as he answered, "And you wait for me to get out of my shower, naked except for my towel, to corner me and ask?”

Kurt looked at the other New Direction members and shrugged; the boy had a point. He could understand how their behaviour might have scared him at first.

Mike must have seen it too since he said: "When you say it like that, it did look suspicious – sorry..."

"We just need a twelfth member; no fags here, dude!"

"Shut up, Finn!"

Later in the evening, Kurt related the scene to Quinn and she laughed so much that she nearly peed on herself. When she managed to get a grip on herself, she said they were all idiots and that she would have Brittany take care of it. And that wasn't a bad idea: it was strictly impossible to tell Britt no.

Three days later, they had their twelfth member and Kurt didn't want to know how she did it.

The Friday of the following week, his dad rapped on the windowpane of the car just as he was about to start up the Nav. Surprised, Kurt opened it and… "Yes, dad?"

"What if we had family dinner at Breadstix tonight, instead of ... at home?"

Kurt's eyebrow rose up. "Breadstix… tonight? I thought you didn't like their food? Well, I have a date with Quinn, Matt and Lisa a bit later. Can't we cook something quick this time and go to dinner next week? I will never be on time if we do, the service takes hours!"

"Kurt, it wasn't really a question. Sorry about your date, kiddo, but you will have to postpone it. I need you to be at Breadstix at seven… and you will be, right?"

"But that's unfair! Do you know how long it took me to have Matt agreeing to meet Lisa? A very long time. I had been planning that date way before you..."

"Right?"

In one word his father showed it wasn't open for discussion, so Kurt nodded, sulking and asked: "What's the occasion?"

For the first time since that morning his dad looked awkward.

"I met someone, a woman. I really appreciate her ... and I really want you to meet her."  
  
Stunned, Kurt didn't know how to answer and just nodded instead.  
  
"At seven, Kurt, don't be late!"

"Okay."

The remainder of the day was a blur; he remembered to tell the others he couldn't make it that evening, but he couldn't say for sure if another time had been set. 

Suddenly he understood where his father had disappeared all summer long, why they didn't have as much time together as they used to. His father had someone new in his life, and it mustn't have been recent. Six months at least, which meant his father had deceived him for just as long and Kurt didn't understand why.

Why did his dad feel the need to hide it? Maybe Kurt unintentionally made him believe that he didn't want him to be happy?

It wasn't as if he liked the idea of his dad in love with someone who wasn't his mom, or with a love life, full stop. That simple concept made him shiver, but who liked the image of their parents kissing or worse, doing ... stuff with someone? At the same time, he was realistic; his mum had died nearly eight years ago, it was a long time when you were alone.

He arrived at Breadstix a few minutes before seven. His father insisted on the time so Kurt didn't want to risk being late.

He looked through the window and scanned the room searching for him... them... Finally he saw them; they were sitting side-by-side on a banquette. The woman had bobbed brown hair, but he couldn't see more from where he was standing, except that she made his dad smile. 

He was about to head for the door when he noticed Finn was standing motionlessly in front of it. He thought for a second of talking to him but changed his mind. Finn and his usual idiocies wouldn't help to calm his nerves. He was already stressed out enough by the future meeting; no need to add anything to that, so he waited.

He was aware that thought was mean since their relationship was slightly better than it used to be, but tonight, his only concern was his dad and the mysterious woman.

The problem was that Finn didn't look ready to open the door any time soon, so Kurt unwillingly started to walk his way.

"Finn, are you okay?" To be honest, he didn't look like it.

“I am not sure ... I have to ... yeah ... I am going. Thanks, Kurt." And just like that, Finn Hudson disappeared inside the restaurant.

Strange, thought Kurt before shrugging, he didn't have time for that. Instead, he took a deep breath and followed his example. Kurt didn't look around him and went straight in the direction of the table he had watched a bit earlier.

Surprised, he stopped a few steps before reaching it. His dad and the woman were standing in front of Finn.

"And here is Kurt, you are just on time, son, come here!" His dad beckoned him closer with a wave.

"Finn, I would like you to meet Burt and his son, Kurt," the woman said.

"Well, Kurt this is Carole, Carole, this is my son, Kurt. Kurt, you already know Finn, right?"

From the corner of his eyes, Kurt saw that Finn was just as stunned. They both nodded and sat on the banquette their parents showed them.

On automatic pilot, Kurt asked for a coke and listened to his dad and... Carole… explain how they met last year during one of their football games; how they started to see each other during the summer and how much they appreciated it, but only one thought was running inside his head: "Oh my gosh, it's Finn's mom!"

The evening didn't go as badly as Kurt feared since the parents did most of the talking. He noted that Finn was as awkward as he was and that he, too, did his best to hide it.

They left around nine and the glance Kurt exchanged with Finn said they were going to discuss it later.

And they did, the next Monday.

Without any planning, they both sat at the same table at lunchtime. It was a first. That earned them strange looks which went even stranger when they subtly got others to understand they wanted to stay alone.

"Dude, no offense, but I don't want to become your step-brother!"

The way in was so Finn, that Kurt smiled. "Me neither but..." Kurt bit his lips, trying to find a way to explain what he realized during the weekend without being too straightforward.

"But…?"

"But my dad really likes your mom." He said it in a rush, almost like he was afraid to admit it.

Finn shrugged and answered sheepishly, "Same on me." 

"And I …"

"And you like to see him happy."

"Yes! How...?"

"Well, my mom talked about your father all weekend! It was…" He took a high-pitched tone and said: "‘Burt is so romantic, do you know what he did for our second date?’"

"Romantic? My dad?" To say Kurt was surprised would be an understatement. He didn't remember seeing that part of his father, even when his mum was still here.

“Yep, and apparently he is like the funniest person ever..."

"That's true, he has his moments. You know, I’m not a big fan of family unification, not that I have anything against your mother, but you understand. And, now they seem to really hit off."

They exchanged a glance full of meaning.

"It's just that it's totally unfair!" Finn’s exclamation took Kurt by surprise. He tilted his head and asked, curious, "What's unfair?"

"First you stole my girlfriend and now it's my mother's turn. I don't like it." Finn ended his comment by pulling a face.

"I didn't steal anything!" How dare he rewrite the past like that?"

“Of course you did! She spent so much time with you that we broke up, everybody knows that!"

"Well, I think you got your facts wrong, big guy," Kurt answered, doing his best to stay calm.

"How come?"

"She came to see me because you spent all your time in Glee with Rachel; because she felt like you didn't love her anymore."

Finn frowned. "Really?"

“Yes. And, she may have been the one who put an end to it, but our relationship only started two months after that. You were with Rachel after barely a week."

"Oh, I didn't see it like that."

"And I have absolutely no place to play in our parents' meeting." He marked the point by raising his eyebrows.

Finn agreed and reached for his dessert. "Right. Do you think that we can put our mutual dislike aside? You know for…"

"Our parents' sake," Kurt finished, nodding.

"Well?" Finn held his hand out in a peace offering. Kurt smiled and took it.

Kurt couldn't tell why for sure, but Finn and he kept their parents' relationship to themselves. Both of them needed time to truly accept and adjust to the new relationship and its consequences. The most important change was in their mode of interaction.

They had been sharing classes, extracurricular activities and friends for two years now without talking to each other more than necessary but suddenly that changed. It wasn't unusual anymore to see them talking in the hallway or even leaving school together.

Outside the glee club, it wasn't a big deal, but it wasn't the same in the inside. The boys were just happy to see a rivalry less important, and maybe felt a bit of relief with the lack of cutting remarks.

The girls were not so easily satisfied. Santana, Britt, Tina and Mercedes were curious and didn't hesitate to ask all their questions but soon they grew tired at the lack of answers.

Rachel and Quinn were a different story.

The latter would act normally in public, but peppered Kurt with questions as soon as they were alone. Rachel wasn't as discreet. She would often cut their talk off, demanding to know what it was about or she would catch Finn at the end of the discussion and pester him to tell her: "What was it about? What was Kurt saying? Was it about me? Why are you and Kurt friends now?" Finn's answers varied from "nothing", "stuff", "no" and "because" until she stopped asking.

The time would come to tell them eventually, but it wasn't it yet.

After some discussions with Mike, they decided to invite Finn and Sam for the next movie night. Not wanting for him to feel pushed aside, they decided to invite Artie, too. It might even help to ease the remaining hard feelings about Tina's breaking up with him to be with Mike.

Opening the invite to Sam had been simple. Indeed, once the guy forgot the peculiarity of the shower meeting, he fit in very well with the whole group. He managed to get on well with everybody; even with Santana who began to call him trouty-mouth when he got a bit too close of Britt. Finn's smile when he was asked to join in was huge. Apparently he’d wanted to join them for a while, but because of his strained relationship with Kurt he hadn't dared to ask.

The origin of movie night was the shared passion of Mike and Kurt for musicals, which meant the choice of the movie was easy. They would either discuss it during the week or watch two movies. Now that there were seven participants, it was impossible to agree beforehand and they couldn't watch seven movies in a row. It was how the sorting hat made its appearance. Everybody came with a film and then it was random.

It was funny to see how different tastes could be.

The first evening they had Gladiator and Breakfast at Tiffany's, the next it was Avatar and Toy Story and then Chucky and The Wizard of Oz. Movie night became a roller-coaster of emotions even if more than half of the guys would never admit it.

Later in the year, a few weeks after they won Regionals, Sam came to see if he could come with his best friend from Tennessee for the spring break movie night. Kurt agreed without really considering it.

To be honest, Kurt mostly forgot it until he opened the door the aforesaid evening and discovered an unknown boy with a Mohawk behind it.

"Yo!" The boy’s manner was familiar, as if they knew each other.

Kurt didn't move for a minute, staring at him and the guy's confidence diminished in front of him. "Are you Sam's friend?"

"Yep. He’s coming; I got fed up waiting for him ’cause I've got to piss and he has been on the phone for what looks like hours. Hope it's not a problem?"

Kurt shook his head and let him in, asking, "Do you have a name or should I call you Sam's friend all night?"

"Puck." Kurt turned toward him, sceptical. "Noah Puckerman, but people call me Puck."

"Okay, well I'm Kurt Hummel and people call me Kurt, because that's my name." Seeing Puck’s annoyed expression, Kurt smiled and carried on. "Restroom is the second door on the left." 

When Puck came back, Kurt interrogated him. "So, do you have a movie to offer or is it Avatar just like Sam?"

The question helped break the ice and when Sam finally joined them, followed by the others, they were making acquaintances. 

Kurt was as fascinated by their friendship as he had been with Matt and Mike's or Britt and Santana's. The one of Puck and Sam was older than the others and, despite their difference of age and character, they were very close.

Sam was crazy about science-fiction while Puck, even if he liked it, was more into crime stuff. Sam kept talking about his hunt for the woman of his life when Puck was outing himself as a proud player; a careful one, but still a player. The only common point Kurt found was that they were both guitar players.

Everybody was engrossed in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when a voice made itself heard. "Did you know the Potter was recruited?"

"Everyone knows it, it happened in the first book."

Kurt reluctantly turned his eyes away from the screen – it was his favorite HP movie – to look at his friends.

"You know Potter? Harry?" Kurt saw in Puck's expression that there was a glint; he was somehow making fun of them.

"Potter? Our Potter?" Sam answered without a blink.

"Yep, University of Maryland... and they are interested in yours truly." The Mohawk boy added the last part casually, as if had just announced something huge. 

"Dude! You're joking?" Sam’s voice was full of wonder and happiness, and a drop of disbelief. Puck's lopsided smile was an answer by itself and Sam jumped on him, delighted. 

Kurt's eyes went from one to the other, smiling. He didn't know Puck well, but he must be good to get noticed as a junior. He subtly put the movie on pause before congratulating him.

"Bravo! So, the Harry Potter part, it was just you pulling our legs, right?" Artie asked his question like a joke.

Sam calmly said: "No, it's not. Harry Potter is our quarterback and he is really good."

"You mean, his parents did actually call him that?" Kurt couldn't help, but ask. The Tennessee boys nodded and Sam added, "To be honest, they both maintained they didn't know the book at the time."

"Maybe not for him, but I would bet they knew for his brother and sister," laughed Puck who didn't offer any clarification.

Sam's eyes sparkled too and once more Artie was the first to give in and ask, "Please tell me it's not Albus Severus?"

At that thought Kurt shivered, but stayed focused on the discussion.

"No, luckily for them the last book wasn't out yet, James and Liliane."

"What? Not Lily?"

"Well, they try, but once she read the books she stopped answering to it."

Kurt completely stopped the film and asked, "So, do you know what you are going to study?"

The question seemed to surprise the boy who shrugged: "Not really. I think I will try different subjects to see what I like the best. But you know it's not my main goal."

"Okay, so why are you going then?"

"Football, dude! If he is good enough he could go pro!" Four voices confirmed Finn's words.

"Therefore, you are one of those crazy football guys?" It was more a teasing than an actual question, but he got an answer nevertheless and, a surprising one.

"No, really, but I need money and it's my best shot to earn it quickly. I just need to keep practicing and have goods marks."'

"That's all you need? What kind of grades are you talking about?”

That was the first question Finn dared to ask, but not the last. Indeed, he seemed rather interested in everything Puck could tell about his probable college and he concluded his interrogation with "That's cool, I want that, too."

Kurt smiled; that was great news. Finn had never showed any interest about what he would do after high school before, to his mother's sorrow. Carole would be delighted at the change.

Puck must have been tired of talking about himself as he returned the questions to them: "I know what _he_ wants, but what about you guys? Do you have some news on that front, Sammy-boy?"

"Shut it, Puckerman, you know I would have told you, shithead! And, I am younger than you, I've got time!" Sam stuck out his tongue before adding, "Don't we, Artie?"

The topic was like passing the buck.

Artie laughed and agreed that he had one year more to think about it, but added that his heart and his head were not in agreement. Indeed, his head pushed for physics while his heart wanted a film school in New York, but he didn't give them time to offer him advice before turning to ask Matt.

Matt’s course was straightforward: Culinary school, in Boston if possible, then he glanced at Mike and added that the entry forms were already complete. Faced with their gobsmacked expressions, Matt turned toward his best friend and then waved at him, wincing as if he’d made a mistake.

When Kurt looked closely at Mike, he thought he might be right.

"I know where my dream school is, but I don't know if I would ever get to see it."

"Why? Your grades are good, right? Between football, glee and that academic team thing, you've got the extracurricular activity points, too, right?" Finn looked as puzzled as everyone except for Matt.

"Yeah, you're right. It's just that my parents want me to go to Harvard and to be a doctor and..." He looked out the corner of his eyes in Matt's direction and it was he who finished answering for him: "And he wants the dance conservatory of Boston."

"That's uncool, dude!" Kurt rolled his eyes; Finn really had the knack of saying the most obvious things.

"Mike! I know it's hard, but don't let them crush your dreams! Don't let them choose for you, life is dull if you don't like your job! And, I know what I am saying; I see it every day in my mom's eyes. She always wanted to be a nurse, but because she had me too young, because my dead-beat dad left her when she was pregnant with Jo, she had to work two jobs as a waitress, instead of going to school. She had no other choice, but you do, so don't let them waste your life!"

When he finished Puck was almost out of breath.

The speech met silence, but Kurt saw that Mike was touched by the words; it was good.

"Kurt! You didn't tell us, what about you? Got any ideas?"

Kurt smiled at Sam's question; it was _so_ like him to try to calm things down.

"Music, NYADA, or another school like that, if possible in New York..."

"Hey, that's what Rachel wants, too!" exclaimed a shining Finn.

“Rachel?”

Kurt grumbled inside; he’d learnt to tolerate the girl when it was needed but he could easily do without her. And, knowing Finn as he was beginning to know him, Puck's innocent question was the start of a long lecture on Rachel Berry.

"That's my girlfriend; she is the best sing..."

Kurt glanced at the other members of New Direction and he knew what he had to do! Put the movie back on, and he did.

That night was the first that he spent with Sam and Puck during Spring Break. Sam organized a party with the glee club and the football team so that his best friend met all his new friends. Kurt was surprised that Puck spent most of it hanging out with him.

They discovered they shared a passion for music and games in all forms. When Puck left Lima, they had friended each other on Facebook, exchanged phone numbers and email addresses and, as cheesy as it may seem, Kurt didn't do it for show; he had really felt a connection with Mr. Tennessee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam' song is Every Rose have its Thorn by Poison


	6. chapter 6

 

Life went on without any significant unforeseen events until a dreadful Wednesday of June. Kurt's alarm clock woke him up at the same time as it did every day and he got ready with the same care, putting on all his creams and singing to Lady Gaga's latest song.

He took the stairs up, still singing, and headed for the kitchen, wondering if he had enough time to make pancakes. He glanced at the clock and nodded: it should work. He took the ingredients out of the fridge and put them on the work surface. He was reaching for a bowl when he saw him.

Frozen, he called: "Dad? Dad?!?"

Three steps were necessary for him to reach his dad who lay motionless on the floor. He knelt by his side and kept calling, "Daddy! Daddy!!" getting more scared at each unanswered call. His father was very pale, almost grey.

"Dad, wake up!" Kurt put his ear to his father's heart, although he was unable to hear anything.

He shook him, hoping to finally see him opening his eyes, but it didn't work so he yelled, "Help! HELP, please...!" He looked around him, but they were alone, there was no one to help him... However, he noticed the phone on the table and cursed himself for not having thought about it sooner.

He left his father for two seconds to get it and dial 911. It felt like hours before he heard a feminine voice on the other side of the line

"911 Emergency."

"It's my dad! He won't wake up. I don't know what to do; help me, please...!"

"Sir, where are you?" The voice was calm, and it was probably set to help him relax, but it didn't.

"In the kitchen…" How could that help them?

"What's your name?"

"Kurt, Kurt Hummel." He hated the quavering of his voice.

"Can you give me your address, Kurt?"

"It’s 765 Greenlawn Avenue, Lima, Ohio."

"Very well, help is coming. Try to stay calm. Can you tell me what happened?" The woman’s voice was still as calm, but now it helped him focus.

"I don't know, I just found him and he’s not answering."

"Is he breathing?

That thought hadn't occured to him before and he felt his blood instantly turn cold. He scanned his father's body, but it didn't give him any clue. "I don't know; how do I...?"

"Put your cheek near his nose and you should feel his breath." 

One second and he was in position. His heart was beating so loudly that he wouldn't have heard the woman, had she spoken just then. Hoping with all his energy, he focused and it was light, but it was there.

"Yes!"

"How is he? On his back, front or side?"

That one was easy. "Back!"

"Good; try to put him in the recovery position."

"I don't know how to do that! What is a recovery position? How?"

"Kurt, try to stay calm. The recovery position is designed to prevent suffocation through obstruction of the airway..."

"Suffocation? What do you mean? He’s breathing!"

"I know and it's a good thing, but the recovery position prevents vomit and his tongue from blocking the throat..."

"Okay, how?"

"Try to put him on his side in a stable position and open his mouth to help him breathe."

Kurt focused and did what the woman said. He heard the siren just after having covered his dad with a blanket.

He ran to open the door and four EMTs and firemen came in to take charge of everything. Soon his father was on a stretcher on his way to Lima General Hospital. He tried to go with them, but they didn't let him get in because he would get in their way.

From the porch, Kurt watched them leave and he only wanted one thing: to join his dad. The problem: he was shaking like a leaf and it wouldn't be safe for him or anyone else to be on the road. First, he had to calm himself.

He turned around and went to sit on the couch. He closed his eyes and did some respiration exercises. Once he was sure to be able to control himself, he looked for the insurance and health papers and then headed to the hospital.

Nobody knew anything except that his father was currently in the operating theater. He took charge of filling in the admission form or at least what he knew, and then the waiting began. His head full of the events of the last two hours, he waited and felt more and more useless.

* * *

 

Noah Puckerman had a nice life, no, remove that, he had a great life.

First, he belonged to a good family: an awesome mom who was always happy, despite the shitty things life had thrown at her; a sister, Jo who, even if she was more pansy than the badass Josephine March she was named after, was nice – and Jake.

Jake was his half-brother, and the only good surprise his father left behind him when he deserted them all ten years ago – debts and sadness really were not good legacies. His brother used to be as badass as Puck himself, but it changed once he got a steady girlfriend.

Second, he, Noah Puckerman, was a god. He was a god on the football pitch, in school and in bed. And, thanks to the two latest he was about to be a famous football player with tons of groupies.

He was lucky to have good friends, even if his best one wasn't living near him anymore. Now, Sam's moving had two positive points: first he didn't get the relationship sermon as often as before, and he’d met great guys during his stay in the shitty town of Lima, Ohio.

He didn't keep in contact with all of them, just two: Kurt and Artie. Well, Finn too, but it was one-sided in his case. The boy kept phoning him and asking questions about college that Puck didn't have the answers to. The dude was like ... a maniac!

Kurt and Artie were good guys, although neither appreciated the other much. He regularly exchanged e-mails with Artie, but with Kurt it was different. When they met it was as if things fell into place. He couldn't remember getting along so well with someone who wasn't Sam.

They were as different as possible. Different dreams, different views on girls and relationships (well, if he’d met that Quinn girl first he might have tried a little something too), even their family were contrary. Despite all that, they could talk for hours and hours about absolutely anything.

To be honest, since his return he talked to Kurt way more than Sam.

They generally met up on arena board game websites to play Takenoko or Tobago before going to Skype or MSN.... At least it used to be like that. If Kurt wasn't there tonight that would make it four days in a row he’d missed their appointment.

It had never happened in three months. They usually exchanged text messages to warn the other they would be late or completely absent.

Puck was beginning to worry.

Sam would have told him if something was wrong with Kurt, right? At the same time, Puck wasn’t sure if his best friend was aware of how often Kurt and he were chatting. At the usual time, Puck switched on his laptop, logged in on the website and waited, and waited...

When 10 p.m. struck without Kurt, he decided to move into action. Making up his mind, he took his phone and called. At first, he thought he would go straight to voice mail, but at the last minute he heard a small voice saying "Hello" and he breathed.

"Kurt? Is that you? Are you okay?" Puck, stayed calm, of course it was him.

"Yeah." Kurt voice was barely above a whisper.

"Are you sick or something?" As he didn't get an immediate answer, Puck's concern grew.

"Or something..."

Still the same murmurs. It wasn't the Kurt he’d discovered the last three months. Something was wrong, he just knew it. "Dude, what the fuck? Talking to you is like pulling teeth! Talk to me!"

There was a long moment of silence "Kurt...?"

"It's my dad..."

Okay, that sounded bad. "Your dad?" Mr. Hummel had been really cool while he was in Lima so he hoped it wasn't too serious. 

"Dad had a heart attack on Wednesday morning and he has been in a coma since then."

Shit! "Did the doctors put him in it or...?"

"No, he had surgery and hasn't woken up yet," answered Kurt.

Puck couldn't hear a sound in the background so he asked, "And you are still at the hospital?" but it would be surprising even with the time difference.

"No. Visiting time is finished and it's forbidden to use a phone inside the hospital, you know? I am at home."

"And Quinn's parents let her be there without a chaperone? What a token of trust!" Naturally wondered Puck. 

The silence which met his words was far from reassuring and Puck could swear Kurt didn't feel down only because of his dad's illness, it wasn't the only reason.

"Quinn is not here; actually, I am alone."

Double-shit!

"What do you mean by you are alone? How come you are alone? You shouldn't stay alone, dude! That's not right! Why didn't you stay at hers or with one of your other friends? It's not as if you were some lonely freak with no one," exclaimed Puck. The lack of answer on the other end of the line aroused his interest. "Something happened?"

"We had a disagreement."

"Okay, with whom?"

"Quinn… and almost everyone else, I think." Kurt’s voice was as small as when he’d announced his dad was in a coma.

"You think, or you know? And, how did you manage to argue with 11 people in less than five days? That must be a record, dude!"

"..."

"Kurt? What was it about?" Now Puck was slowly freaking out.

"I don't want to tell you." The voice was firm, but small, so Puck hoped he could change his mind.

"Why not?"

"Because you’re right, I don't want to be alone and..."

The sniffing noise Puck heard broke his heart and he pushed him to carry on. "And?"

"And if I tell you and you agree with them I will be, for sure."

Puck stayed silent for a moment, trying to think of one thing that could make him leave Kurt alone right now, when he needed him the most. When he didn't find anything, he calmly asked, "Tell me."

"Promise me you won't leave me alone ... please?" The childish intonation in Kurt's voice was something Puck would never have associated with his friend.

"Scout’s honor." No need to tell him he never had been a boy scout.

"God."

Okay, heavy stuff.

"What about the G-man? Vast topic, dude!"

"I don't believe in God and apparently it's a huge crime." That seemed to help him to perk up again.

"Isn't Quinn like crazy Catholic?"

"Yes, so what? I’m not asking her to change her beliefs, why can’t she do the same for me?”

It was more complicated than he first thought.

"What did she do?"

"Carole, Mercedes, Quinn and ... come to think about it, Sam was here too. Well, they went with a priest into MY father's room and prayed around his bed."

“And?”

The answer wasn't long in coming as Kurt nearly yelled it: "And I don't want that, we don't want that! Neither my father nor I believe in God and I really didn't need them to push their religion down my throat, even less now! And, they knew it!"

"Are you sure it was their purpose here?" Puck said it very cautiously, not wanting to scare him off.

"Well, you have another idea maybe?"

Puck took a second to organize his thoughts and tried to explain his point of view. "They know your dad, right?"

"Mercedes not much, but yes."

"I believe in God. I don't follow the rules closely as I eat bacon and only go to temple once in a while, but now that I know about your dad… Wanna try to guess what I’d want to do?"

“No.”

"I’d want to go to the temple and pray for him ... and for you, too. Any ideas why?"

"No." All those short sentences showed that Kurt wasn't happy with the path the talk was taking, but he still hadn't hung up, so it was cool.

"Because I want to – no, I _need_ to do something to help the two of you."

"And how is that going to help me? I don't believe in God. I believe in medicine and I believe in my father's iron's will."

" _You_ don't need to believe. I do. And, if I am right and there is a God somewhere, how could it hurt to ask him to help your dad to get better?"

This time the silence was heavy.

"You’re right; if you were to do it, it wouldn't hurt, but that's not what they did. They went into his room, not in a church or a temple. They went into his hospital room after I specifically told them I didn't want it."

"Okay, maybe they went too far, but they meant well; think about it."

“I will...”

"That's cool; now try to get some sleep. I can see from here how exhausted you look."

A little giggle came from Kurt and Puck smiled. "Thanks, Puck."

The phone call left him worn out and it wasn't even 11 p.m. He got ready for bed, but once his head was on his pillow he felt awful. Kurt was in his house, alone, with only his worries for company. He felt the urge to call Sam and yell at him for his lack of sensitivity on the matter, but it was late, he wasn't supposed to know and he only had one side of the story.

The two following days, Puck sent cheering text messages to Kurt, to let him know he wasn't alone and he called him at night. The stubborn boy was still living alone, despite all Puck's encouragements.

At night, they would talk about the changes in Mr. Hummel's situation, or rather the lack of change, before moving onto lighter topics. Puck's goal was to hear Kurt laugh at least once; he wanted the boy to forget – even for a second – how his life sucked at times.

On Tuesday he took his phone to send his lunch-time text message when he noticed an unopened message from Kurt.

Six words that made him smile: ‘He is awake. Call you later’.

* * *

 

Kurt looked around him with mixed feelings. He was in a church to attend Mass, which was unbelievable and surprising. He didn't remember the last time he came here, or even if he’d even come before.

He hadn't felt so out-of-place since Mr. Shuester tried to force him to take Dr. Frank-N-Furter's part in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He began to wonder what he was doing here, why he accepted to come, when a small hand slid in his. He turned his head to his right.

"Are you okay?" Quinn whispered.

Kurt smiled. "Yes." Quinn; she was the reason for his presence in this sacred place.

With the health problems of his father came his first huge argument with Quinn. The topic of religion was very important to her, and the circumstances surrounding the talk left them both unable to listen to each other.

Thinking back, they nearly didn't make it. Without Puck, things would be different now and he could never thank him enough. Kurt didn't know what the future held for them, but he wasn't ready to let her go.

The Mass lasted a bit less than one hour, then they slowly left, followed by Quinn's parents, and she asked him smiling: "So, what did you think?"

She was so full of hope that Kurt knew he had to be very careful.

"It's nice, peaceful and kind of joyful, too. I can understand why you like it so much..." He took a deep breath to find the perfect way to tell her without hurting her in the process.

"But you didn't change your mind, did you?" It wasn't a real question, it was a fact, but she was still smiling, so everything was still fine.

Six days later, his dad was home. Kurt helped him settle down on the couch with everything he needed within easy reach before going down to his room. He sat on his bed, finally taking the time to think about the recent events and completely broke down. The tears – that he had held back since that awful Wednesday, nearly two weeks ago – rolled down his cheeks.

He’d never felt so scared, so hopeless as he did when his father was lying on the kitchen floor. The 911 operator had talked to him and he’d been unable to understand what she was asking. His dad could have died just in front of him and he could have done nothing to change it.

The previous year a man called ... Bryan Ryan – or something like that – had come to talk to the glee club. At the time Kurt had thought nothing of it; those were just the words of a frustrated singer.

Now those words resonated in his head. He couldn't remember them precisely, just their meaning. He recalled the man telling how Glee club had ruined his life. There was something about his father suffering from prostate cancer and him putting on a show about it. How did that help him except for making him feel more depressed? And, for the first time since then, he thought that guy might not be completely wrong.

How would a NYADA certificate help him if his dad were to have another heart attack? It couldn't. Kurt would be as scared, as hopeless as he had been two weeks ago. Except that they might not be as lucky next time.

He managed to pull himself together, but those thoughts were not forgotten. They stayed in his mind for a long time and one day, during lunchtime, everybody was talking about college and he wasn't surprised to hear himself say, "I want to do medicine."

Saying it out loud opened something in him, an incredible hunger for knowledge. He read everything he could about heart attacks: what was a heart attack, how to prevent it, what it did to the body... his urge to learn was endless and days weren't long enough. 

The status of Puck in his life changed abruptly. He went from a good game friend whom he was slowly getting to know to a very good friend with the potential of becoming the best he ever had. And that despite his annoying habits. Indeed, nearly every day, Kurt would receive a text message saying, “Got a problem, call me.”

The first time it happened, he asked to go to the bathroom; he called Puck back as soon as he left his Math class.

Puck’s problem: he was bored. The second time it was: "Dude, why doesn’t that Jenna girl want to screw a hot guy like me?"

After that, Kurt stopped worrying, but still called back, taking a bet with himself about the kind of problem his friend had: sex, girl, laundry. When he called that afternoon, he was leaning towards girl problems since it hadn't happened in a while.

Kurt teased him:"So what's wrong in Puck's land?"

"Nothing, but Bob's land isn't going great right now." Puck's voice wasn't as light as usual.

"Bob's land? Who's Bob?" Kurt wracked his brain but ‘Bob’ really didn't ring any bells.

“Jake's girlfriend, dude!”

Gosh, that was hard! "Jake's girlfriend’s name is Bob?"

"No, but that's what I call her, I tried ‘Bitch’, but they weren’t fans of it."

"I wonder why..." Kurt was ironic.

"The she-dog, not the insult because well, she is kind of cool, you know?"

Kurt ended up asking the question which was burning his lips. "Why don't you call her by her name?"

“Marley? It's crap, everybody does it."

Kurt didn't try to explain to him it was the main purpose of a name. Instead, he asked, "So, what's Marley’s problem?"

"Bob pukes."

"Marley is ill? Do you realize, I am not a doctor yet?"

"No, Bob isn't ill. I think she does it deliberately, like she forced herself."

Kurt took a break; it seemed that Puck had a true problem for once. "What gave you this impression? Are you sure she didn't just have indigestion?" Puck wasn't the kind of person to stress out over nothing, but it wouldn't hurt to check. 

"That's what I thought the first time. The second time I went for period. My mum is very sick at that time of the month..." commented Puck.

"Too much information!" Kurt’s disgust was plain in his voice. "So Bob… Marley?"

Puck giggled. "Okay, not funny. Anyway, I caught Bob four more times and I really think she made herself.”

"Why don’t you ask her?" It might be obvious, but Kurt had learnt that Puck tended to have torturous ways to reach his goal.

“I did!”

“And?”

"She looked at me as if she didn't know what I was talking about. And Jake's best friend, Ryder, came to tell me to stop hitting on her. I didn't! Come on, it's my brother's girlfriend we are talking about!”

"Don't get your panties in a twist, I didn't say anything! Did you notice any other problems in Bob's land?"

"Yep. I looked into it. First, I went on Google and wrote ‘Bob puke problem’. But nothing useful came out so I changed it into ‘girls forced vomit problem’." Here Puck took a break, probably to maintain the suspense, but Kurt only used it to notice they both acted the same way to resolve a problem.

"So?"

"Mostly bulimia or anorexia but..."

"But?"

"But it's complicated and I am not sure I understand everything right. From what I get, it can be serious and I am not sure what to do," Puck concluded sadly.

Kurt considered his words before speaking. "To be honest with you, I don't know Bob, and I know next to nothing about bulimia and anorexia. I’m afraid to give you wrong advice. How about I do some research myself and we talk about it tomorrow night?"

The next day, Kurt spent all his free time reading and hoping Puck was wrong. The road to recovery was hard for the patient and kin.

That night they didn't play. Instead, they went on MSN to discuss their readings. Some of their questions remained unanswered: Kurt didn't know Bob at all and Puck not too much, either. It was true she was his brother's girlfriend, but he admitted with no shame to being mad against her. Ever since the two of them became a couple, Jake was boring: no flirting any more, no stag partying, and no discussion about anything but Bob. That didn't mean he wanted bad stuff to happen to her. He thought very hard before answering Kurt's questions.

He couldn't tell if she was a nutritional expert, or more selective in her food choices.

He did know she didn't eat much at lunch.

He was also sure she didn't eat either meats or desserts since he often consumed hers with delight at the time. Now he felt guilty.

He couldn't tell if her relationship with her mum was deteriorating, or if she was the one doing the cooking at home.

He had no clue if she was always talking about food or not since he didn't listen to her most of the time.

However, he knew she was often cold but refused to put more clothes on (he saw her yelling at Jake when he offered her his jacket), and something happened with her best friend and neither tried to make things better. He noticed because Sugar stopped being a pain in the arse.

After a long talk, they concluded that even if there were many unknown facts, everything Puck did know wasn't very positive.

The talk ended at that point, after Puck said he would find a good person to talk to. He knew Bob's mother since Mrs. Rose worked in the school cafeteria, but she didn't appreciate him much so he was sure it wasn't a good way to do it. He wasn't the best person to try to save the day; he was just here to give them a clue. Now he needed time to speak with his brother.

It took him two days to finally catch his brother alone, just as he left his Biology class. When Puck asked if they could talk a bit later, just the two of them, Jake froze, but nodded and told him to join him at his home after his work-out.

His head was so preoccupied with the upcoming discussion with his brother that he had the worst practice ever, to the point that the coach told him to leave early and come back next time in a better disposition.

The road that led to Jake's apartment was too short and way too soon Puck found himself pacing up and down in the living-room. He was completely unable to sit and prepared to open the discussion.

"You wanna talk? What's your problem?"

Jake's questions surprised him, but helped him focus.

"Not me, Marley." He was careful to use the girl’s real name; Kurt had said that it might help him be taken more seriously.

"I can't believe you would go so far! Riley tried to warn me, but I didn't beli..." Puck stopped pacing and watched his brother getting angrier. They said on the websites that sometimes family refused to see that the anorexic person was ill, but he didn't even get the chance to explain his thoughts and Jake looked already ready to hit him!

"What the fuck, bro? I didn't do anything! That's Bob's doing ... or not doing, I don't know."

"Marley?" and just like a puppet whose strings had been cut, Jake fell on the couch. "Is that why ... she is always saying she is studying? Because she tried to make a move on you?"

This time, it was Puck's turn to freeze. "Wow, I think we have a misunderstanding here. Bob isn't hitting on me and before you get up on your high horse, neither am I. I wouldn't do that to you, you're my bro!"

Jake was sheepish. "Sorry, but then what were you talking about?"

Puck managed to prepare what he wanted to say, but the accusation made him forget his words. He was just angry and sad his own brother thought so little of him.

"You said, you said Marley had a problem?" Jake was now calmer, but more worried, too. Puck looked at him and decided to take care of his hurt ego later. For now, Bob mattered the most.

"I think she is ill." And this time he kept talking without giving Jake time to interfere. "I noticed different things that aren't good and I talked to Kurt about it ... we even did some research." Here he showed him the batch of sheets he printed three days ago so he could read them. Jake took them and scanned the first one.

"Anorexia? You think..." His bro looked so small at the moment. That was when he realized that he forgot to say the most important part, damn!

"Yep. It's just that I saw her puking and no, it wasn't some kind of stomach ache, it was clearly forced. And, when I asked her if she felt better she said she wasn't sick. As I told Kurt..."

"He doesn't even know her!"

"It's just, he is good to ... well, you know, help put things back in perspective and he helped me a lot to understand what I read. And, I don't know Bob all that much, either. Not like you, but I noticed stuff and she fit a lot of the characteristics so just ... read, and if I am wrong that's great, but if I am not it could be serious."

Jake stared at him a long moment and nodded. That evening, Puck was more than happy to leave anorexia forum to his bro to play some games.

* * *

 

Everybody was busy over that summer.

Quinn spent most of her time with her mother in order to help her deal with her pending divorce. Indeed, Mrs. Fabray learnt in quite a horrible way that her husband had a mistress, or mistresses to be exact, when she went to meet him for a surprise lunch. Consequently, penises were unwanted at the Fabray home at the moment.

 Tina, Mike, Rachel and Finn joined Blaine in the cast of the summer musical over at Westerville's theater, which meant long hours of drives and rehearsals just as long.

 Matt's mum joined his father in Chicago, leaving the bakery in her son’s capable hands, which meant said son was working all day.

 Britt, Santana and Artie spent most of their summer together, until the girls left for the Cheerio's summer camp.

 As for Kurt, he shared his time between the garage, his summer work-out and his friends Sam, Mercedes, Quinn when she was free, and Puck.

 In the middle of July, Sam asked him to come to La Grange with him on the second week of August. Kurt had to bargain for two days before his father agreed.

 It would be the first time he left Lima without his father for something not school related. Maybe it should feel stressful, but this vacation with friends was just a wonderful opportunity.

 It would be a long drive, around nine hours long and by the time the leaving day came, Kurt was worrying. He’d never spent that much time alone with Sam. What if they had nothing to say to each other? What if they couldn't agree on the music? What if once Sam and Puck got back together with their mutual friends, they forgot him?

 His what-if's list of questions was endless, and ultimately proved to be useless.

 The car time went quicker than he thought. He asked Sam tons of things about the people he was about to meet, and made fun of the relationship the boy had with Mercedes. They both seemed a lot friendlier than at the end of the school year, but Kurt wasn't able to receive the least confidence.

 When they reached the Puckermans' house, where they would stay for the week, Kurt felt shy. They would all know each other, except for him, and that wasn't a situation he enjoyed much.

 Funny thing, though: even if he’d never actually met them, he felt he knew them all quite well. Sam and Puck's descriptions were so perfect that he felt like he’d met them a long time ago.

 Jo was as precious as they said. She wore pink clothes, ribbons and jewellery every day; Mrs. Puckerman, or Becca as she asked to be called, was funny, joyful and nice, and running all the time. What could he say about Jake? The boy wasn't the "stud" Puck described; he was sweeter than Kurt imagined, but the Lima boy could feel his worries.

 And then there was Bob.

 He felt bad when he met her. First, because he was so used to hearing Puck saying "Bob this" or "Bob that" that he called her Bob, too; and then because she seemed so far from healthy that it literally hurt. Kurt had kept on reading books and articles about anorexia even after stopping his discussions with Puck. She was in bad shape. Her eyes remained sad when she smiled and she had dark rings around them. It was bad news, he knew it, and she appeared so frail that he had been scared to shake her hand.

 He didn't get to see her more than twice during his visit. Indeed, if Jake popped over almost every day during their stay, she was always busy, doing things she wasn't able to tell them about.

 Kurt would have wanted to ask how things were going, but he didn't dare in front of Jake: the boy needed to think about other stuff. Sam, though, didn't have the same reserve.

 "Okay. What's the deal with her; she sick or something?"

 The question was directed toward Jake and Kurt realized that Puck hadn't briefed his best friend on it. The nudge Puck discreetly tried to give Sam came too late. Jake's face closed up and he was wriggling on his seat as if he didn't know what to say.

 "Yes, but we are taking care of it." Kurt smiled at that pure politician's answer on Jake’s part.

 "Is it serious? Since it really looks like it is..." Sam insisted.

 "That could be, but she will get better." Then Jake glanced at his brother, silently asking for help. Puck socked Jake's shoulder. "Of course, she will! It wasn't detected too late and now everyone knows what to do. So smile and remember: keep positive, bro!"

 Sam was as puzzled as at the beginning of the discussion, but in true Sam form he acted as if all was well and moved on to something else. "Who is on for a basketball game? Two on two?"

 "I wanna play, too!" They all jumped as Jo's small voice made herself heard.

 "Well, three on three then. Text Ryder?" Jake whipped out his phone and ten minutes later the lanky teen was there.

 Kurt was as bad as three years ago. Jo demanded to be on his team but since she was afraid of the ball – going the other way when it got close to her – they lost big time.

 At first, Kurt had some concerns about sharing a room with his two friends, but they all went out the window by the second day. Falling asleep against Puck should be strange, but it wasn't. It was the best sleep he’d had in a long time.

 The week went too fast for Kurt's taste, but it had been nice to leave Lima even for a short while. On the way back, he received a text message from his dad: "Family dinner Breadstix - 7"

 Those words echoed back to the first Hummel-Hudson family dinner and Kurt just knew something was about to change, he could feel it.

 They arrived in Lima a little bit before 6 p.m., which gave him just enough time to have a shower and change clothes before heading to the restaurant.

 In the meantime, Kurt tried to guess what the news was. And, without any reason, his only possibility was pregnancy. Carole was having a baby. He was still getting his head around the idea of Finn being more or less his step-brother and now he would have to add a little brother or sister to that mix!

 As the first time, he saw a hesitant Finn watching the door, but then Kurt joined him with no second thoughts.

 "Hey, Finn! Waiting for Rachel?" Kurt asked cheerily.

 "Hey, you're back! Did you have a good time? How is Puck?" As he answered him, Kurt observed Finn.

 The boy was smiling which could mean two things: It was a piece of good news, or he didn't know it.

 "Mom said no Rachel tonight, but I don't know why. Well, we’ll see; you coming in?"

 Chattering, they entered the restaurant, but Kurt noticed from the corner of his eye that Finn was frowning, which contradicted with his light voice. That could mean he wasn't the only one feeling something was up; the no-Rachel-allowed part was another proof. They looked around them, searching for their parents; the couple was at the same table, but they didn't stand up when they arrived, barely asking them to sit.

 They asked him about his holidays and Kurt answered absent-mindedly. Something was up and the waiting was slowly killing him, so he cut himself off and asked, straightforward, "Okay, what is it?"

 "Burt asked me to marry him… and I said yes!" Carole exclaimed, holding her hand up and they both saw the ring.

 "Congratulations! Dad, I am so happy for you!" And there was no baby. Woo-hoo!

 By his side, Finn mirrored his actions with his mom and Kurt wondered if the boy had thought it was a baby, too.

 The remainder of the evening was focused on the organization of the festivities. The couple wanted a simple ceremony in late September. Kurt offered to come with them to find the perfect outfits while Finn proposed that the Glee club take care of the music.

 Carole was more concerned about bridesmaids and finally asked them if they thought that Quinn and Rachel would agree to do it. They both reassured her and Kurt hoped he wasn't too hasty since it was still no-penis in the Fabray household.

 Kurt noticed then that his dad had been quiet for moment and he glanced his way. The man looked lost in a faraway land, a happy one from his little smile.

 "Dad? What are you thinking about?"

 "Chocolate or raspberry, I’m not sure yet." Burt Hummel said with a huge smile now.

 "You know what the doctor said about sugar and candy."

 "Yes, but I think I am allowed to make an exception on my wedding day, don't you think?"

 "He got you, bro!" Finn exclaimed, laughing. "You should totally see Matt about the cake."

 It was a good idea and their parents went to the bakery the next day. They needed to deal with everything as soon as possible as they only had a month.

 Days flew faster than Kurt would have wanted. Carole and Finn moved in with them just before the beginning of senior year. Sharing a room with Finn had never been one of the goals of his life and he was still trying to get used to it. Intellectually, he was aware that buying a bigger house would be stupid since Finn and he were going to go to college next year; but sometimes he yearned for a room of his own.

 Their organization was as different as possible, mostly because Finn needed more sleep than him. In the mornings, Kurt had to switch off his alarm clock on the first ring to take advantage of the bathroom without having his over-tall step-brother hovering over him.

 At night it was the same. He didn't get to Skype with Puck without Finn hearing everything, and when he played he needed to be as silent as possible or the other boy woke up and complained about his lack of sleep.

 The day following the wedding, Finn and he got the house to themselves: the newlyweds had gone for a long weekend at the Coblentz Country Cabin. Kurt seized the moment to go into the living room and talked to Puck without interference.

 "Well, how was the wedding? Great or great?" Puck asked with a smile.

 "Great, everything went through without mishap."

 "Really, no one messed it up?" Puck looked surprised. "I thought it was a must in weddings."

 "Nope, and no one tried to stop the wedding, either."

 "I didn't know there was a risk..."

 "Well, Quinn's mom is currently dead-set against marriage so bets were open."

 "Sad. I mean, they’re all ‘no sex before marriage’, but don't want to get married. Does that mean Quinn’s gonna die a virgin?" Puck pondered.

 "Puck! Don't talk like that!" Kurt said, happy that the lack of good light most probably prevented his friend from seeing his reddening cheeks.

 "What? I worry about you, dude! A guy has needs to release, if you know what I mean." Puck raised his eyebrows, teasing.

 The talk needed a change of direction so Kurt did something he’d promised himself he wouldn't do, as he was hassled too many times about it during the party.

 "Well, she did catch the bride's bouquet. Maybe I won't have to wait too long." Kurt tried to keep a straight face, but it was hard to not laugh as Puck's face went from teasing to scared in less than two seconds.

 "Dude, you’re joking, right? You can't seriously think about tying the knot so young! I know Quinn and you have been a couple for an eternity, but you are 17! You only have one life!"

 Then Kurt burst out laughing.

 "Asshole! That wasn't funny." Puck said it but the twitch at the corner of his mouth proved the contrary.

 "I must say it’s funnier now. I could have killed them yesterday, though. Between the guys’ innuendos and Quinn's mum’s hopeful eyes, let's say the end of the day wasn't great for me. And, my awful stepbrother carried on all afternoon."

 Puck cracked up.

 "If you don't shut up pretty soon I will cut the computer off. One ... two..."

 "Okay, okay, to make it up to you: choose the game tonight."

 To get revenge, Kurt went for the game Puck never won: Dominion.

 

* * *

 

November came and the atmosphere in the Hummel-Hudson house became electric.

 Kurt chose five colleges and was now writing all his essays. After a number of readings and reflections, he managed to reduce his area of study to nutrition and psychology. That way he would be able to help people like his father or Bob. From what Puck said last, she’d started going to a clinic in October and it seemed to be helping her a lot. She stopped rejecting her mother and was now aware of her problem. That was a huge step, but the road of recovery was still long.

 Finn was waiting eagerly for his answer. They all tried to make him understand that one week wasn't enough time for the letter to reach the college, be read, considered and answered back, but it didn't stop him from rushing to the mailbox every single day.

 However, two weeks later, Coach Bieste told them that recruiters had announced their imminent presence. Amused, Kurt watched the reaction of the other players. Finn and Greg were like kids at Christmas Eve. Coach Bieste let the celebration go on for a while, but calmed things down with one sentence: "You'd better keep practicing if you want to do well."

 The following Friday, just before the game, the tension in the locker room reached its peak. It concerned Kurt greatly who hoped the players would turn in something good. And, luckily they did. Kurt performed six times and marked them all, a record. But no one came to talk to him.

 Curiously, the pressure added by the probable presence of the recruiters seemed to give them wings. The next two games were even better. At the end of the third one, Coach asked Greg and him to hurry up and meet her outside as soon as possible. She looked serious, but Kurt wasn't able to read her; he glanced at Greg who shrugged.

 Ten minutes later, the two of them left the locker-room under the curious stares of their teammates.

 Coach Bieste wasn't alone when they saw her. Kurt's and Greg's dads were there in the company of two unknown men. Coach noticed them first and waved. "Guys! Come here!" They both walked up beside their respective parent. Burt Hummel was smiling which meant that whatever was happening couldn't be bad.

 "Great game, son," his father said with a proud smile as he lightly hit Kurt’s shoulder.

 "Thanks." Kurt's eyes were fixed on the other men. They were both taller than him and wore suits, unusual outfits for a game night. He reluctantly turned his eyes towards the coach. "You asked to see us, Coach?"

 "Yes. Mr. Jackson here wanted to meet you. Sir, this is Kurt Hummel, our shining kicker."

 The shorter of the two held out his hand and Kurt shook it, still unsure of the situation.

 "Nice to meet you, Kurt. As your coach told you, I am Bill Jackson, offensive coordinator for the University of Maryland. I saw your game; I am impressed. Have you ever thought about playing football in college?"

 

* * *

 

Puck checked the time for the thousandth time. The game had been finished for more than an hour, but still no news from Kurt.

 Sam let him know they’d won before casually saying their coach had asked for Kurt and the boy hadn’t been seen since. Now Puck was dying to discover what all that was about. His friend was supposed to call him that night, so he waited.

 In the meantime, he worked on his English essay, proofreading it. Suddenly, he heard Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’, Kurt's ring-tone, and immediately picked the phone up.

 "Puck."

 The silence on the other end of the line bothered him.

 "Hello? Kurt?" Puck insisted.

 "Finn is angry; no, he’s furious."

 What a way to begin! Really not what he was waiting for.

 "Bad news? I thought you won?"

 "Yes, we did, but bad news for him. For me, not so much, mostly unexpected," Kurt said it in a faint voice.

 "Is it related to what your coach wanted?" Puck tried to give a meaning to all that, but it wasn't an easy task.

"Yes, but it wasn't for her. A man called Bill Jackson wanted to talk to dad and me..."

Bill Jackson? Puck knew that name, but from where?

"I know that name. Why do I know it?"

"He’s from the University of Maryland."

"Yes! That's it! It's the guy who ... Does it mean what I think it means?" It was unlikely, but Puck couldn't help hoping for it.

 "If you think he came to recruit me, you are right. If it's not what you mean, then I don't know what you think."

"Dude! That’s awesome! We could be teammates and maybe roommates. Tell me you said ‘yes’! Come on, it's huge!" Puck exclaimed, full of happiness.

 "Well, I’m not like you, Finn or Greg. I never thought about playing in college, or even for fun after high school. I thought my football-playing career would end at the end of the year. I used to dream about Broadway; now all I am thinking about is a diploma in Psychology and Nutrition. I’m not sure adding football on the top of all that would be a good idea."

 "I see what you're getting at, but think about it. It's a great college; you could have a nice scholarship. Bonus: I'll be there. And, I bet your dad is ecstatic, isn't he?"

 Kurt giggled. "Yes. Or at least he was, until Finn began screaming about how unfair it was. Something about how jealous of him I must be to always take what was his: his friends, his girlfriend, his Sectionals solo, his mom and now his college dream. He concluded his tirade by demanding that I refuse their offer and tell them to give him my possible scholarship and position on the team."

 Puck was puzzled "Isn't he a quarterback?”

 "YES! So it's completely stupid, on top of being impractical, but I can understand." Kurt’s voice was sweeter at the end.

 "You do? Well, you're good. To me, it's just rambling bullshit."

 "I agree for most of it, but try to see it his way. He is the one who sent letters and videos of the football matches. He is the one who wanted to go there, not me; then the head hunter comes and makes an offer… to me. It _is_ unfair. If the situation were reversed, I would be mad at him, too."

 "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, he’ll have to get over it; he doesn't have any other choice. I told him not to put all his eggs in the same basket. I hope he listened to me."

 "I hope so, too."

 Then Puck moved to another topic, feeling Kurt needed to think about something else for a bit. And, Puck knew his friend would make the right decision. 

 Five days later, Kurt told him he accepted.

 

 

 


	7. chapter  7

 

 

 

 

 

From the moment Kurt accepted the Maryland College offer, life in the Hudmel house had been electric. Finn refused to talk to him more than necessary which meant sharing the room was hard.

The day that followed his acceptance, Rachel came to see him, or rather attacked him in the hallway.

"Kurt! You can’t do that! Give it back to him ... it's his dream!" She exclaimed the most seriously possible.

Kurt stared at her, and blinked his eyes. "Are you serious? Come on, tell me you are joking? I might, maybe, understand why Finn imagine it’s possible, but you?

She carried on as if she hadn't even heard him "It's unfair and you know it!"

"Rachel, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. They are looking for a kicker, not a quarterback. I know you aren't an expert in football, but it's completely different."

"He can learn..."

"Most certainly, but they are not looking for someone who could do it someday, but for someone who can already do it." As she didn't look convinced, he added. "Okay, imagine Tina sent a copy of the musical you did last summer to show off her abilities for an audition. But they call you back because you are perfect for it. Can you, in all honesty, tell me your answer would be ‘thank you, but no thank you. You should take Tina instead’?"

She didn't need to tell him, he could read it on her face. She sulked two seconds before saying, "Don't worry about, Finn. He's got back up plans, I made sure of it. I will work on him so he realises it's not your fault, but it might take time, he can be stubborn."

He barely had time to thank her before she turned around and left, her hair floating in the wind.

Luckily everyone else was happy for him; surprised, but happy. Little by little, the future lightened up for all of them.

Quinn was the next one receiving her acceptance letter to Yale. It was awesome, even if it left them a bit wary about their future as a couple. Kurt loved her and he knew Quinn loved him, too. The question was: were they strong enough to hold all college long while being 307 miles apart? They couldn't tell, for now they just kept hoping they were.

Puck's words about wasting his life woke up Mike enough for him to finally confront his parents and fight for his dreams. Bonus: the words also helped Matt.

Indeed, as summer ended, Matt's mother decided to stay in Chicago with her husband and left the Lima bakery in her son's charge.

At first, Matt tried to add it to his school year's sheet. However, between the shop, school, homework, housework, shopping, glee club and football practice, he didn't have time to sleep more than two hours a night. The boy was so tired that it wasn't unusual to see him asleep in a corner.

It came to the point where Mike had to talk to him one-on-one to get some good sense in him. It had been hard, but he managed to make Matt understand that, without graduation, he would be stuck in Lima working at his parents' shop instead of going to the culinary school of Boston  


Mike's words had shaken Matt up pretty hard, but it had been necessary. Matt finally talked to his parents and while they didn't appreciate his words, they decided to make some changes. They promoted one of their older employee to take the lead of the shop so Matt only had to give a hand as he used to. Then, they sold their house to put the money on the two shops and Matt, who didn't want to leave Lima during his senior year, stayed at Mike's.

Finn stopped being mad at Kurt once he was accepted for an internship in a good restaurant of Manhattan. It wasn't his first dream, but in the end he was happy. Learning by experience was easier for him and Rachel would be there, too. So everything was once more great in Finn's land.

Senior year for Brittany and Santana was complicated. Brittany broke up with Artie because of some bad comments the boy made. She stayed single for a few weeks before understanding her perfect match had been in front of her all her life.

Santana fought hard before accepting her lesbianism, and being out on Jacob Ben Israel’s blog made things even harder for her. All those events disturbed Brittany's studies and without anyone noticing it, she flunked her year. After some hesitation, Santana decided to fly to New York with Finn and Rachel.

* * *

Kurt looked at the trunk and sighed. Why did he really have to bring so many things? He really had to learn how to travel light! At the same time, he was going to be here for years and it wasn't as if he could just pop back home and pick up what was missing.

"Ready?" His dad asked wearily. Kurt hoped that Puck would be in the room and would give them a hand. The day had been longer than planned and they were both exhausted.

"As ready as I can be." Then Kurt reached for the first bag and passed it to his dad before taking two boxes and locked the Nav.

To add to their rotten luck, the dorm was on the third floor. He checked the room numbers carefully and breathed a sigh when he finally saw ‘312’. He pressed the boxes on the wall and knocked at the door before turning the door handle. Luckily it was open and he didn't have to search for the key he’d hastily put in one of his back pocket.

"Hello? Puck? Anyone here?" Kurt called from the first room while looking around.

It wasn't the same kind of suite that he’d seen when he’d visited the campus, it was a bigger. There were four small rooms, two small bathrooms to share and a communal room. He didn't remember meeting his future-roommates during the try-outs. Except for Puck, and he was so very glad they managed to be together.

"DUDE!! Where were you? I thought you’d dump me! That wasn't cool!" Puck exclaimed as he came in from one of the doors on the left.

"Stop being a pansy! I told you we would be late ... So where is my room?"

"What? Don't I even get a better hello? That's hard, dude!" Puck stressed his complaint with a fake pout.

Kurt smiled. "You know what, give us a hand and I’ll offer you a ‘hello Puck’ breakfast tomorrow. And, if you are nice, a hug tonight. Is it good enough for you, good sir?"

Puck pretended to think about it, and then he nodded. "Not too bad. Hi, Mr. Hummel, good to see you." At the same time, Puck took the bag from the man and put it on his shoulder.

"Hey, Puck. Good to see you. Have you been there for long?”

"No sir, I arrived a bit after lunchtime."

"So what do you think of the place? You must have had time to take a look around?"

Puck shook his head "No. I've been waiting for that guy," and he pointed at Kurt. "When you said you would be late, I didn't think it would be _this_ late! What happened?" And he ended his question by throwing the bag on the floor of Kurt's room.

Kurt glanced around him. The furniture was similar to what he’d seen six months ago: a lofted twin bed, a desk and dresser, pretty standard, on a whole. Without a word he set down the boxes in a corner. Then, he turned toward Puck and without answering the other boy's question asked: "Did you see somewhere to eat nearby?"

"Yep, convenience store is not too far. Why? You're hungry?"

"Yes and, I know that when all my things are packed out in my room, you will be, too..." Then he called his father "Dad? Why don't you take care of the food while Puck and I do the rest?"

His day had been long, the journey tiring and he knew it had been worse for his father who refused to let him drive his own car for most of the trip. So Kurt really hoped he would let them do the unpacking.

"Good idea, son. I am kind of starved, too. Do you have any preferences? Fish? Meat? Salad?"

"Meat" and the simultaneous answer made them laugh.

Unloading the car took less time than Kurt thought it would. However, by the time his bed was made, they finished eating and his father left to go to his hotel room, it was around 9 o’clock and his only wish was to fall on his bed and sleep to his heart's content. He took his toiletries and night clothes and headed to the bathroom.

"Dude? What are you doing? You can't go to sleep so early, it's a shame! Come on! It's our first night, Let's go party!"

Kurt turned around and pointed at his face. "Do you see my face?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I am so worn out that I might fall asleep in whatever club or bar you would take me."

"Kurt! It's our first night here! I am sure it's bad luck if we go to bed at nine p.m. Like a curse, or something like that, and we will be the only two dudes in bed at nine all university long!"

Kurt sighed. "Fine, well, go alone and I will be the only one cursed."

"I can't go alone, it's even more lame!"

"I am sure you won't be the only person who doesn't know anyone."

"But ... but I’m not one of them! I have my buddy just here, please?" Puck's puppy eyes nearly made Kurt cave, but a yawn helped him resist.

"If I go tonight, I'll be back in one hour maximum because I am tired and I have to meet my dad tomorrow at eight. Now, if we were to go tomorrow I promise you to stay as long as you want." He didn't give Puck the time to speak and added, "And I promise to tell anyone who asked that we went out for our first night." And this time he was the one who did the puppy eyes, and it worked.

"Okay, But you tell me why you were so late. I noticed you avoided the question and I smell a good story."

"Deal."

Two showers later they were lying on Kurt's bed, face to face on the pillows.

"Now, do tell."

"I went to the airport with Quinn. Her plane was supposed to leave at 8 a.m., but it was late. So we waited and instead of being back home at nine, it was almost 10. Time to say goodbye and to load the last bags, we took the road at 10.30. To sum up, we were an hour and a half late from the start. We still could have made it if dad didn't decide to do it old-style."

"Old-style? What do you mean?"

"With a map, no GPS allowed. Something about having done it with my grandfather at the time and wonderful bonding. Except that my grandfather most certainly had a better sense of direction."

Puck smiled "You got lost?"

"Not funny. We missed a junction and instead of heading for Maryland we were going to Kentucky ... Stop laughing!"

"Sorry, but then you put the GPS back on, right?"

"No. First, he tried to find his way by himself, but eventually he did. Problem was it didn't work."

"Broken?"

"No, just no signal. We were in the middle of nowhere." Kurt yawned. "There was a phone box so I called Mike and thanks to his computer he helped us enough to find the right direction. The GPS finally came back to life but, as you noticed, we ended up arriving pretty late nevertheless."

“Dude, you guys could have flown down, if driving is such a hassle for your dad,” Puck commented.

"Probably, but then I wouldn't have my baby with me. Do you remember our roommates’ names and when they’ll arrive?" Kurt’s voice was distracted and Puck closed his eyes.

"David Karof-something and Theo Filz ... Tomorrow or Wednesday, at the latest since the practice began on Tuesday. Is it me, or it is strange to start in the middle of the week?"

As Kurt didn't answer Puck opened one eye: his friend was asleep. Puck smiled and thought he should go to his room, but fell asleep before putting his thoughts in action.

 _Little boy, when you speak_  
I can’t help but kiss your cheeks  
I love the way you grab my hands  
And tell me all about your plans  
  
Rocket high, comets fly  
You and I could take a ride  
And fly away to Neverland  
And give our best to Peter Pan

Mindy Gledhill's song ended his dream. Kurt tried to reach for his phone without moving his eyelids, but in vain. He didn't touch anything shaped like a phone, so he resolved to open his eyes. His first vision was Puck's frowning face. However, Kurt didn't address the issue and rather scanned the room and took up his phone.

 "Dad?"

 "Hey son, where are you? I have been waiting for you..."

 Shit, he forgot to set the alarm last night "Sorry, dad. I'll be there in ten," Kurt said as he quickly got up and headed for the bathroom.

 "Well, if you say so. You are okay, right? Because it's not like you?"

 "Don't worry, just a little oversight of mine. I’m coming soon." He hung up and turned to Puck. “If you want your ‘hello Puck’ breakfast today, you have nine minutes to get ready!"

 Surprisingly they were on time despite their late start and they enjoyed their breakfasts under a torrent of last-minute advice from Mr. Hummel. The time flew by and soon the three of them were at the airport to see him off. Kurt hugged his dad and assured him that he would be fine and told him to call when he landed in Lima.

Their first roommate arrived in the late afternoon. He surprised them smack in the middle of a game of Scrabble; Puck cursed Kurt's game choice because it was lame and gave a bad first impression. They both turned their heads and discovered a giant with small braids pressed against his skull.

Kurt blinked his eyes a few seconds. The guy was easily 25 pounds bigger and four inches taller than Finn. He glanced at Puck, but his friend didn't look disturbed by it.

"Hey, I'm Puck and that's Kurt. You David or Theodore?"

"My name is Theodore Abraham Fitzgerald Junior. My parents said it's because of my granddads, but I rather think it's in honor of three great presidents. Honestly, how many people who decide to study Local Politics and Ecology are lucky to share the name of not one, but three presidents of the United States?" Theodore Abraham Fitzgerald Junior said all that in one breath.

Stunned, Kurt realised then that it wasn't a rhetorical question. "Not a lot. Do we have to call you Theodore Abraham Fitzgerald Junior every time we call you? 'Cause that's a bit...” Kurt broke off, trying to find the perfect word.

“Of a mouthful? You’re right. You can call me T.A. or Theo, like my brother and sisters do. I’m the oldest. I have two sisters, Marilyn Jacqueline and Monica Hillary, and a brother, William John. Nancy, that’s my girlfriend, calls me sweetie, but I don’t think we’re – or likely ever will be – close enough for you guys to call me that. Where are you from?

"Lagrange, Tennessee."

"Lima, Ohio." Kurt didn't dare to ask T.A. any questions. The boy was worse than Rachel when she started talking about the next song she should perform. Unfortunately, T.A. didn't need to be asked.

"I’m from Salem, Oregon. I don't have most of my belongings yet, just the bare minimum. They should arrive by the end of the week. But Nancy said..."

"How about I show you your room?" Puck cut him off before he could start again on Nancy. "So that you can at least put away what you do have with you."

"Oh, that’s a wonderful idea!"

Kurt stayed in the common room and looked at the time. Fifteen minutes. T.A. had been there for 15 minutes and he left him exhausted. He waited two minutes and since Puck wasn't back he yelled, "Puck? Your phone!" then he cleaned up the board game and went to his room where Puck joined him soon and fell on the ottoman. "Kurt, what are we going to do?"

"Hmm?" Kurt asked from where he lay on the bed.

"That guy is the worst motor mouth in the whole universe and he is here for one year!"

Puck's voice was so horrified that Kurt smiled. "I decided it's just the stress of meeting new people."

"What?"

"You know when you are nervous and ramble and say useless things? Well, that was it. And, he will eventually run out of thing to say."

Puck giggled. "Keep hoping. I’ll just tell him to shut up."

Kurt laughed. "I wonder how the other guy is." Then, they heard T.A.'s voice from the other side of the wall and Puck commented, "Hopefully quieter."

Puck's words never were more true.

The next morning, Kurt sat at the small kitchen table to sip his coffee. Bless Puck who pressed him to go to the community center when they came back from the airport. He would have hated to be forced to go out for a coffee.

He heard a door opening and closing quietly. It must be Puck as they’d learnt last night that T.A. was anything but calm. Then, he noticed the sound of a heel and frowned: it wasn't Puck at all. His friend tented to walk barefoot or in socks. Thinking about it, Kurt wasn't even sure the boy owned shoes that made noise.

He turned his head toward the door and jumped. A stranger in a black suit, a vest and a tie was there. He was older, maybe around his father's age. The man didn't say a word, didn't even introduce himself. He just looked around him.

"Hello? May I help you?"

"No. I was just checking if everything was as they said and it appears like it is."

Kurt didn't appreciate the haughty tone and carried on with his questions. "Glad that you'd found what you were looking for, but care to tell me who you are?"

"Paul Karofsky, and you are?"

"Kurt Hummel ... If I recall correctly, it was supposed to be a David Karofsky."

"That's my son. He is currently waiting in the car. I wanted to make sure everything was a high enough standard for him. Where are the rooms?" Kurt really didn't appreciate how Paul Karofsky spoke to him. Then, rather than standing up, he slowly drank his coffee.

"Rooms?" Kurt stressed out on the 's'. He didn't want to invite him to look around the property. This man raised his hackles … and not in a good way.

"David's rooms have to face east."

Kurt smirked. "In order to request a specific room, he should have arrived sooner. Now, there is only one left." He kept his voice calm but didn't move to show that detestable character the said room.

"I am sure that you people can be accommodating, right?"

He didn't know who that man was, except David Karofsky's father, but one thing Kurt was sure of: he was a patronizing jerk. "I can't talk for T.A., but I know that Puck and I are quite happy where we are." And, with a smile Kurt asked, "When is David coming up?"

"Dude? Is that coffee I smell here?"

Knowing that Puck was coming helped Kurt to relax: he had backup.

"Oh, sorry." Puck excused himself when he saw the stranger as he was wearing only his boxer briefs." I didn't know we had company. Puck." Puck held out his hand.

"Paul Karofsky. It's nice to see someone here with good manners."

Puck burst out of laugh.

"If you have a problem with my manners, I wonder what you would say about someone who barge in somebody's place without even knocking and dared demanded stuffs." Just as Kurt finished his sentence, someone knocked at the outside door.

"Hi ... um, I’m Dave Karofsky and I am looking for my father? Is he here?"

Kurt smiled. "Kurt Hummel. Nice to meet you. It's nice to see someone from the Karofsky family with good manners. Come in. Wanna see your room?" Without giving him the time to answer, he went toward the room, followed by the newcomer. "I’m sorry, but as you are the last one here you don't really have choice. But, do tell if you have a problem."

David was in and out of the room in less than a minute.

"Well?"

"It’s cool."

"Dude, need a hand with your stuff?" Puck exclaimed from behind them and Kurt smiled at the fact that Mr. Karofsky still didn't know what his son's room looked like.

"That won't be necessary. We have been on the road for two days. David needs some exercise," said a voice Kurt had begun to hate – at the same time as their new roommate answered the opposite.

"Would be nice. Thanks, dudes."

"David, you didn't practice for two days because of the travel. That could nearly make it up for it."

The silence following those words wasn't long as T.A. arrived. What looked like a curse last night was a blessing in the morning. Their chatterbox started talking with the older man while Kurt and Puck, now dressed, followed David outside.

"Sorry for my dad. He means well, but..."

Puck shrugged. "Don't sweat man, that's not your fault."

"Okay. I don't want to be rude, but the faster we finish the faster he is gone, right?" Kurt couldn’t hold in that comment.

David nodded and they all set to work. Kurt was relieved to see he wasn't the only one not travelling light. And, every time they came back, Kurt glanced toward T.A. and David's father and smiled. T.A. was being what seemed his usual self: smiling, friendly and babbling, while the older man was clearly unhappy and silently calling for help. A call to which no one responded, not even his own son, which helped Kurt to not regret his previous comment.

After dropping off David's last box, Kurt went to his room, Puck glued to him.

That night the new roommates decided to eat out together to get to know each other. As soon as they sat, T.A. began talking.

"Should I call you Dave or David? I notice that you said ‘Dave’ earlier but your dad called you David. A name is very important. I want to say the right one. Mine comes from three great presidents: Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln and John Fitzgerald Kennedy. It’s my father's names, too, but that's secondary. So how should I call you? David? Dave? Or Davey?"

Kurt glanced at Puck and they both laughed at the horrified expression on Dave's face.

"Dave."

"Okay. Your dad also told me you are on the football team and want to play pro, hopefully for the Dallas Cowboys. Are you a fan?"

Oddly, T.A. took a break and waited for the answer.

"I am a halfback, not a fan, my father is. I am here for Language, Literacy, Culture and Social Inquiry. What about you guys?"

Kurt directed his regard toward Puck who tried to answer, but T.A. cut him off.

"Oh, I am on the team too, quarterback, and I am here for Local Politics and Ecology. Those two are..."

"Quite capable of expressing themselves," Kurt said it with a faint smile; he was getting good at these kinds of talks.

"Sorry. I tend to talk a lot. Do not hesitate to tell me to shut up. So you were saying."

After that, the dinner went smoothly. They all got speaking time, even if T.A.'s was longer than everyone else’s. Puck persuaded them to go to a club to celebrate their first night together. Puck was the only one who didn't sleep alone that night. T.A. had his thoughts of sweet-Nancy, Kurt had thoughts of Quinn and Dave got to bed early, tired from the travel.

* * *

 

Kurt's first year of University was hard. As he was afraid would happen, football took up loads of his time; so much that he was lucky he wasn't in need of long nights of sleep. Indeed, it wasn't rare to see him leaving the library among the latest. He could have worked from his room, but he was among those who needed calm surroundings, something nearly impossible to find there.

He got used to T.A.'s babble. The quarterback understood perfectly the word intimacy and rarely came into others' rooms. The problem was that he was popular fairly quickly and people came to see him all the time. They would talk and talk and talk ... loudly.

Puck made a lot of friends too, but he rather met them outside, except for the girls. The problem with Puck was with his own room. As soon as he came home he went to Kurt's room. Whether Kurt was in it or not.

If Kurt was there, he worked by his side, but asked everything that crossed his mind, or played on his computer and insulted the other players, before asking Kurt to play with him. When Kurt came back late, he would find Puck asleep in his bed. The sight wasn't astonishing since Puck only slept in his room with a girl. It was as if they shared the same bedroom. Kurt became so used to his friend's presence that he hardly slept on girls' nights.

Dave was a different matter. He wasn't chatty and mostly stayed apart from them. Dave's problem was his music. The sullen man needed music to work and Kurt realized pretty soon that the music blasting was like mood ring.

Dave wasn't a very joyful or peaceful person. So, angry hard rock songs slipped nearly every day from his room. It took him time, but Kurt became aware of a pattern. Two days were different: Thursday and Tuesday. Dave came back later, more relaxed, smiling and the music was reggae.

At the beginning he didn't really pay attention to it, but once he noticed it was the only thing he saw.

One Tuesday evening in February, Kurt gave in to the curiosity. He was watching T.V. when Dave came in, whistling happily.  
  
"Hey Dave, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure."

  
"Where are you going every Tuesday and Thursday?"

"Pardon?"

  
"You look so much happier on those days, it's nice. Do you have a secret girlfriend or something like that?" Kurt was teasing him, but the expression on Dave's face clearly show it wasn't the case. "You don't have to answer me, I just wondered." Just for a moment Kurt felt like he put his foot in it, but then, Dave sat next to him.

   
"Can I tell you a secret? I am not ready to tell anyone."

 "Of course, who wouldn’t you want me to tell?" 

 "My dad, he can't ... I don't want him to know yet."

Kurt giggled "It's safe to say that seeing how we started off there aren't a lot of risks. If you like: I solemnly swear to not repeat a word neither to your dad, or worse, T.A. – wwho I don't think is physically able to hold his tongue. Now what's the big secret?"

 "It's not big, it's just that I am volunteer in a kindergarten."

Really not what Kurt's had in mind.

 "A kindergarten? Okay, but why do you keep it secret? It's a good thing, right?"

 Dave smiled bright "It is. I love going there. I love working with kids. To tell you the truth, do you remember what T.A. said the first time we were all together?"

 Kurt looked at him with a mocking smile. "Can't you be more precise? I mean, it's not as if he talked a lot..."

 "Okay, my bad. I was talking about my future plans."

 Frowning, Kurt's thoughts went back to that night. "Something about football? Being pro and playing for... oh shit! I don't remember your dream team!"

 "It doesn't matter because that's not what I want. It's all my dad's dream. I don't even like football that much. I want to be a teacher."

 Kurt smiled. "We are more alike than we look."

 "How come?"

 "I don't like football, neither. I started to play because ... you keep this to yourself, right?" Dave nodded and Kurt carried on. "When I was in middle school I was smaller than the others, kind of skinny and I was bullied like ... a lot. I wanted things to change. Jocks aren't bullied. I had less possibility to get hurt on the field, by being a kicker, and also because that was the only position I was remotely good. I keep playing because they offered me good scholarship."

Dave pulled a face. "Your reasons are better than mine. I started to play because it was easier. My father is unable to conceive the idea that I mightn't like football. To him, I am a boy, I am a Karofsky, I love football, it's genetic. I keep playing because this university is far enough from home so he won't come here too often."

 Kurt burst out out laughing. "So, tell me what you do with those kids."

 And Dave talked, more than he had since the beginning of the school year. He explained that he played sports with them, but that he liked it because they were just here to discover and have fun. It was something he never got the chance to do since his father had been set on competition from the start.

 What a nice view, Kurt thought; he’d never seen Dave so excited, so radiant.

 Puck’s arrival cut things short. "Dude! I have a problem!"

 Kurt smiled at his best friend's customary sentence. He was about to tell him to wait for a bit in order to finish the current discussion, but Dave's face was already closed off. The moment was gone. So Kurt got up and followed Puck into his own room, wondering in passing why they never went to the other bedroom.

 "Yes, I know why Jessica is avoiding you, and no, I won't tell you why nor how to change that."

 "She’s avoiding me? Too bad for her, that's not my problem, that's hers," Puck exclaimed as he let himself fall on the bed.

 "Well, I'm all ears."

 “Actually, it's not a really a problem, more like a suggestion, an idea for us.”

 Raising an eyebrow, Kurt asked, "Us?"

 "Yep, you know that next year Sam will be here too, don't you?"

 "Yeeesss..."

 "Don’t you think it would be cool if we lived together?"

 "The three of us?"

 "Yes! Karofsky and T.A. aren’t too bad, but Sam is like my brother and you're like my best friend and all..."

Kurt blinked; he hadn't expected something like that. Sharing a flat with Sam and Puck? It could be fun.

 "Did you ask Sam?"

 "Actually, he’s the one who gave me the idea. He said something about how great it would be if we could share a dorm next year; but you know, I think the chances that it will happen are close to none. The only way for it to become reality would be a flat. What do you think?"

 "Can I think about it?"

 "Of course, but I’m sure you will inevitably come to the conclusion that we are right."

 As annoying as it might be, time proved that Puck was right.

 Kurt was caught by T.A. when he left the bathroom and the guy talked to him for nearly one hour. Kurt was then in his bathrobe with wet hair and when he finally reached his bedroom all the benefits of the shower were gone.

 The next day was a Friday, which now meant "no-kids-day" in Dave's land so that translated to loud hard-rock music and a pouting and aggressive Karofsky. Needless to say, that helped make Kurt's decision easy and now he was just waiting for Puck to arrive.

* * *

 

University was great. Puck could even go as far as saying he was having the best time of his life, but since he didn't want to curse his own future he wouldn't.

 He loved the parties and the scantily clad girls. He loved having a weekly flavor girl (it felt like he was a rock-star with groupies – so bad-ass!).

 The football part of his life was hard and he was really starting to wonder if going pro was a good idea. The best part of the games was that he played with his friends: Kurt and Harry, and T.A. was quite interesting – once he took the time to listen instead of spewing all his thoughts. Karofsky (he couldn't call him Dave, the guy was too grumpy to be a Dave, Karofsky was more fitting) wasn't too bad when his father was absent; Nick and Jeff weren't bad either. Great stooges to chat up girls. He didn't know the other guys much, but from what he saw it wasn't a big loss.

 He surprised himself by enjoying what he learnt. He still hadn't found a major, but he tried different topics and they all aroused his interest. He loved the creative writing course, the Jew's literature and history. He registered for an Introduction to Women's Studies: Women and Society, hoping to meet sexually open chicks, but he didn't. He however was passionate about the course and he was lucky to have the most badass TP partner: Lauren Zizes. She was funny, witty and he loved it! Once they went to his dorm to study and she met T.A. They caused a few sparks to fly, not sexual, intellectual. They roused up so much that she forgot the paper they were supposed to work on.

 When February ended, Sam announced that he had been accepted with a complete scholarship for basketball. Knowing that Sam would be here next year opened his eyes. T.A. and Karofsky were good guys, but not to live with full-time, so he proposed to Kurt and Sam that they share an apartment the following year. Sam's answer was immediate. Now he was just waiting for Kurt to give his consent before putting the research in motion.

 It wasn't long. The first thing Kurt told him the next day was, "Okay, let's do it."


	8. chapter 8

 

 

 

 

Whistling, Puck opened the door. As he knew the others were not home, Puck didn't call out, and headed directly for the living room. There he stretched out on the couch and sighed happily: it was good to be home. He looked around and his smile grew even wider.

Finding the perfect apartment for them had been a true treasure hunt. It took time, so much that they were scared they wouldn’t find one in time, but they had. Kurt and he had visited a total of 12 flats before coming across the perfect one. Kurt said once that he felt like Goldilocks.

Four had been in bad locations; two were really too far from university to be considered; two were too expensive; three ceased to be inviting and considered once Kurt spotted cockroaches; one that was nice but slipped through their fingers, and the last one was the best one.

It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one with a shower and the other with a bathtub, an open-plan kitchen and a little balcony where they celebrated the first night. It was in a good enough neighbourhood but not too expensive. And the best part? It was free at the end of July, exactly when they needed it.

They were aware that it might be financially hard at times, but they all had good scholarships and Burt offered to help them every other month. However, in order to prevent hard times in the end of the school year, they decided to work a little during the week.

None of them was able to do much because of their tight schedules but Kurt managed to squeeze in some tutoring jobs and Sam gave some guitar classes.

He wasn't that lucky, he didn't have a second string to his bow. He too knew how to play guitar but he had learnt by himself and played by ear, a bit like that chick in Friends. He wasn't bad at school, but not good enough to help others, and he lacked patience. So, up to this moment, he was still searching for his future dream job.

"Hello?"

Puck looked at the time and yelled, "In here!"

Two seconds later, Sam entered with a strange expression on his face.

"Samuel? You're okay?"

Puck stared at his friend: from the look on his face the answer was clearly ‘no’.

"I’m not sure ... and don't call me that!"

"Okay, Sammy-boy, tell all your problems to SuperPuck and he will resolve them."

Sam looked at him and shook his head. "Did you know?"

"Maybe? But as I have absolutely no fucking clue what you are talking about, I will ask for specifics..."

"About Quinn and Kurt?"

"Shit! Don't tell me that idiot popped the question? That little shit didn't tell me shit!"

"No, they broke up!"

"I _told_ him that stupid bouquet was meaningless, but did he listen to me? Nooo... Uh, what did you say?" Puck thought he had misheard but Sam repeated, "They broke up."

"Who told you that? It's impossible; they are like the golden couple!"

"Brittany told me. And, she isn't a liar. She doesn't have an ounce of malice in her; she wouldn't spread rumors on her Kurtie."

Puck considered the news for a moment. He didn't know Brittany very well, just what Kurt and Finn told him, combined with what Sam just said. Brittany was too nice to badmouth anyone, but she might have misunderstood the situation. Once he reached this conclusion, he passed it to his best friend who didn't seem convinced.

"I don't think she is wrong. She was just telling me how strange it was to see Quinn on a date with someone who was not Kurt. Apparently the breakup happened during summer." 

Puck nodded; that explained why Kurt didn't say a word about going to Yale yet. Then, they heard the sound of Kurt’s key in the door, and they both turned their heads toward him.

 

* * *

 

Kurt was eager to come back home. He’d found the perfect way for Puck to earn some money. He knew his friend was annoyed that Sam and he had regular incomes and he didn't.

"Puck? You're here? Good news! I've got a challenge for you!" He waited for an answer, but none came. Frowning, Kurt walked in the living-room where he found his friends. "Are you okay, guys?" To be honest neither seemed to be alright.

"Why didn't you tell us about Quinn? What happened? Do you want to talk about it? I can fake interest, you know?"

Kurt smiled at Puck's babble, but cursed on the inside that someone had told them. He didn't want them to know, he wanted to be at peace about dating and sex stuff and now his project flopped. Well, two months were better than nothing.

"I didn't want to talk about it. I still don't want to. Sorry you had to hear it from...?" 

"Brittany, but don't get mad at her, she thought we knew." 

And he wasn't because it was impossible to be mad at her.

"So, what happened?"

"Puck, shut up!"

"What? I’m curious! They were like the perfect little couple, set to be married in four years with two kids and a dog! I never thought it would happen. Did she cheat?"

Kurt watched them quarrelling like an old married couple and smiled. "No, nothing like that. It's just ... when we saw each other this summer we realized that we’d grown apart. No drama."

"So you’re okay?"

Kurt stared at Puck and confirmed, "At the beginning, it was hard, but now I’ve accepted it's for the best and I feel better, I am better."

Puck's smile didn't reassure Kurt, far from it.

"Do you know what that means?"

"Yeah, that I don't have a girlfriend anymore?"

"Yep, but it also means: let's party tonight!"

"Dude, shut the fuck up! You have absolutely no sensitivity. A separation is not cause for a celebration!"

"You shut up, Sammy-boy! Yes, it's a break-up, but it's not like it's a new one. Kurt said it happened this summer. He’s been single for a while now. What he needs is to put himself back on track. And, you too. You stopped seeing Brittany before coming here; by now you should have got over it. Come on! It's the first time my two best buddies don't have the ball and chain. Let's party and chat up girls together!"

Kurt carefully observed Sam's reaction to Puck's diatribe and he scowled because his friend was completely hooked. As soon as Puck managed to get a ‘yes’ from them, he turned in Kurt's direction. "Now, I am all ears. What did you want to tell me?"

Blinking, Kurt watched him puzzled. What was that about? His friend must have felt his confusion since he added, "You said you have a challenge?"

"Oh, yes! Glance at that." And he gave him some papers he’d printed that afternoon.

"Novel-writing contest?" Puck didn't seem to understand the goal of it.

"Yes, from what you said you love creative writing class and your professor said you're good at it. Look! There are prizes."

Still looking at him, Kurt saw Puck's face lighten up and he smiled at the reaction.

"Dude! That's cool!"

"I know! What do you think? Up for the challenge?" He asked the questions, but the answer was in front of him.

"Challenge accepted. But I'm gonna start tomorrow. Tonight I go party with my boys, whoo-hoo!"

Puck's enthusiasm pacified Kurt's irritation: he could support an evening out if it made him that happy.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't Kurt’s first time at the Baltimore Soundstage, but to be there as a bachelor was a new deal. His friends didn't have the same expectations; to their eyes he wasn't just here to have fun.

The beginning of the evening was awkward. He never went to a club to chat up girls; to be honest he’d never had to. He’d had Quinn, and before that girls literally came on to him. It was strange to be on the dance floor and to see Puck's thumbs up by a way of encouragement every time he was close to a new girl. Kurt danced for a long time, enjoying the music, drifting with the flow before heading for the counter. He was tired and thirsty so he paid for a coke and scanned the room for a place to sit.

His eyes stopped at a brunette sitting alone at table in a corner. She was so sad that she seemed out of place, and he couldn't look away so he walked toward her.

"Hi, may I sit?" He shouted a bit to be heard over the music and he waited for her to nod before doing so.

He drank a bit of coke and started one of his favorite activities in nightclubs: watching other dancers. There were the good dancers who came to show off, the ones just to have fun and his favorite, the bad dancer who showed off. However, he didn't enjoy it for long as his gaze slid onto the young woman beside him, and he couldn't bear it.

He had to help her or at least try to, so he leant toward her. "Are you okay?" He attempted to only show concern; he didn't want her to think he was hitting on her because it really wasn't the goal.

"Peachy," but she wasn't convincing.

"I don't want to be rude, but if that's what you look like when you’re peachy, I am afraid to see you depressed."

"That has to be the worst pickup line ever."

"It wasn't. A pickup line, I mean. It seems like you need to talk to someone. By the way, I am Kurt."

"Brooke." She wrinkled her nose. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know. I’m a good listener if you feel like it."

They stayed silent a moment, enjoying the music. "It's Lucas."

"Lucas?"

"My boyfriend, or maybe my ex-boyfriend, I am not sure..." and she started talking, freeing herself from her burden. By the end of the night they’d exchanged their phone numbers and Kurt assured her she could call him whenever she needed.

She did, asking for advice to patch things up with her boyfriend. After Brooke, he met Lois who he helped with the guy she was in love with. Some Clark fellow, very elusive, then came the clumsy Susan with her Mike. Without intending to, Kurt slowly re-created a ‘harem’ of platonic girlfriends like he had in high school.

Going to clubs, bars or parties became something Kurt did with Puck and Sam at least two or three times a month, but one Friday in January he stayed home, despite his friends' protests. He had to work on his Foodservice Operations lessons. His night was just like any other, nothing out of the ordinary but, when the morning came, something was.

Kurt was sipping his coffee in silence when he heard a door opening, surprised to see one of his friends getting up so early after a party night. He thought briefly it was Puck coming back from one of his one-night stands or his flavour-of-the-week girl leaving. He was wrong, it was Sam – a dreaming and stupidly-smiling Sam who casually sat in the chair in front of him.

"Hey, Sam. How’re you feeling?"

The blond sighed. "Fine", then Kurt got it. "You met someone, didn't you?"

Sam's smile was blinding. "She is perfect."

"Oh, do tell."

"Her name is Unique Adams. She is voluptuous like Mercedes; she has the most beautiful smile in the world, she’s smart, funny, witty. She's got great moves on the dance floor ... her voice is just ... and her lips are luscious. She is perfect… and the best part? She likes me!"

Kurt laughed "Look at you, all smitten. When do I get to meet this gem?"

"Not now. I want to keep her to myself for a bit, but soon..."

"You've got her number, right?"

"Yes, and I’m seeing her for dinner tonight."

"I’m glad for you."

And he was… until he met her. He realized quite soon she wasn't exactly who Sam thought she was. Neither Sam nor Puck noticed, and Kurt personally didn't mind, but it wasn't fair to Sam. Then, he discreetly cornered her and gently told her that he knew before he asked her to be honest with Sam.

She cried a bit, tried to bargain, but finally agreed to do it, only asking Kurt to keep it to himself until she felt ready to let Sam know. He hesitated, but consented, hoping he wasn't making a mistake.

He waited, and started to think she’d gone back on her word up to a certain Wednesday afternoon.

Puck and he were playing Yahtzee in the living-room when a crazed-looking Sam passed through the door.

"Hey, Sammy-boy, wanna play with us? I’m about to kick Kurt’s ass so next game shouldn't be long in coming ..." Puck teased without glancing at his best friend.

"Puck, I don't think it's the right time. Is everything alright, Sam?"

"I don't know."

This time Puck's eyes went to the blond and grew wide. "Sam! What's happened to you? Are you hurt?"

"Yes ...No ... I don't know."

Kurt and Puck gaped at each other, and then they stood up and pushed Sam toward the couch.

"Let's try a different approach. Sam? Where were you?"

"At Unique's."

"Shit! She dumped you?"

"No, well I don't think so..."

"She told you, didn't she?" It wasn't a question; Kurt could see it everywhere on his face.

"You knew?" As Kurt slowly nodded, Sam came out of his torpor. "Why did she tell you and not me? Why didn't _you_ tell me? I thought ... I thought you were my friend."

"Told you what?"

Ignoring Puck's interruption, Kurt stared at Sam. "She didn't tell me. I guessed. An Adam’s apple, even a small one is a give-away. I ..."

"Adam’s…? I thought we were talking about Unique?"

"... tell you because she made you happy, she wanted to have a chance to tell you herself. She did, right?"

"She didn't tell me, per se. It's more like I felt … it … against my thigh."

"Unique is a dude?!"

“Yes.”

“No.”

Puck watched them successively. "Okay. Let's get this straight. Unique, the girl you have been seeing for a month, is a dude. Kurt knew, but didn't speak up and now he’s saying she isn't. Did I get everything right?"

"Yes. And, Kurt I know I felt her ... you know ..."

"Dick?" Puck said it innocently, but he was once more ignored.

"You know she or he ... I don't even know anymore, is a dude."

Kurt took a deep breath "Did you talk to her, when you realized?"

There was a moment of silence and Sam turned his eyes away. "Not really. I froze, and then my phone rang. I kissed her and I said that I would call her later."

"Well, I did. Talk to her, I mean. From what I grasp she is a girl, in her mind, in all aspects of her life. She was born with the wrong body. She suffered a lot because of that, but with you she’s happy, and you were happy, too. She is still the same person.

"Except she's got a dick."

"Shut up, Puck. You are not helping here."

"What? I’m just saying."

"Well, don't."

"I don't know if I can ... Is she going to have an operation?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask her. Sam, does it really matter for you? I always heard you say you were looking for the perfect ‘person’ for you. Not ‘woman’."

Sam frowned and pondered for a long minutes. "I never imagined myself with someone who has the same equipment as mine."

"Does her having man parts change your feelings?"

"Fuck! I don't know!"

The silence following the discussion was deafening until: "Hey, I've got the solution!" Their friend had been so unusually quiet that Kurt had forgotten Puck's presence.

"Let's play Gay chicken."

Sam burst out laughing but Puck shrugged. "What? It's perfect. You know, Kurt and I are guys. If you manage to kiss us without freaking out, you shouldn't have a problem kissing Unique who is mostly a girl."

"She is a girl, not mostly!"

"If you want, but she is a girl with a dick, QED. So, what do you think? Great idea or great idea?"

Kurt thought it was useless, but from Sam's expression he apparently didn't feel the same.

"Okay. Let's try."

"Do me first!"

Completely hypnotized, Kurt watched as his friends took their places on the floor face-to face.

"Okay, Sammy-boy, give me a kiss."

They both tilted their heads to the side, getting slowly closer, but just as their lips were about to touch, Sam moved back.

"Sorry, let's try again."

The second try was as inconclusive, the third was even worse as Sam busted a gut laughing. "I’m sorry, but I can't kiss you, Puck. It's like trying to kiss Stevie."

"Incestuous as such? Kiss Kurt then."

Kurt jumped when he heard his name. He should have known his turn would come, but he had been so taken by the scene that he wasn't ready. However, he knew that if he didn't do it, they were going to make fun of him for years. Furthermore, he didn't want to be the chicken. Then, he forced a smile, slid onto the floor and sat in front of Sam. They stared at each other and, as if there had been a countdown inside their heads, they leaned forward at the same time until their lips brushed. Sam's lips were dry and a bit firmer than Quinn's or girls’ in general. They kept the position a few seconds before moving back.

Puck asked nosily, "Well?" and Sam shrugged. "Not so different, lips are lips."

"Kurt, do me do now."

"What? But why?"

"I wanna play, too, and Sam is too chicken to do it!"

Puck's lips were different. For one, they weren't dry, they weren’t hard or flaccid. It was a nice feeling and when they parted, Kurt's heart was beating unusually fast.

"I dare you to French kiss him now."

"Puck!"

"What? If you can willingly French kiss Kurt, who is and has always been a dude in your eyes, how could you not kiss Unique who is a girl, but with a penis?" And the worst was that, despite the last part, Kurt could understand Puck's logic.

"I don't think that's a good idea ... And Kurt..."

"Kurt is not a chicken, tell him Kurt!"

How could he say "no" now? Puck was impossible so he shrugged, letting them understand whatever they wanted.

"See? I told you Kurt was badass. Action, guys!"

The kiss in itself wasn't too bad. Sam's tongue didn't go in Kurt's mouth too much. It was enjoyable, not explosive, but yes enjoyable… nearly as enjoyable as with Quinn. When that kiss came to an end, Kurt knew another was coming.

"My turn."

And within a matter of seconds, he felt a hand on his neck and Puck's green eyes in front of him, a smirk on his face. As he didn't want to appear weak, Kurt raised his hands and lightly put them on the other boy’s shoulders. Then he slowly traced back to his cheeks, never looking away from the daring eyes in front of him.

The skin of Puck’s neck was soft, but the stubble on his cheeks was a change. It was a different feeling, a good one that sent sparks up his arms. This time, there was no hesitation when their lips met.

Kurt wasn't ready for the feelings he received.

There was nothing nice or plain; there was passion and strength, and Kurt's blood rushed in his veins; it was a new feeling, he didn't know where it came from and that was terrifying.

When they parted they were both short of breath.

"Damn, Quinn was a lucky bitch!”

"Hey! Don't call her that!"

"Sorry, Sugar! Quinn was a very lucky lady!"

"That's better."

"So, Sammy, I forgot to ask. Was it good for you?" Puck asked, but he didn't wait for the answer. "Are you ready for the next step?"

Kurt immediately saw Puck's teasing smile, and he couldn't help wondering if he himself was ready for it. Sam must have read Puck's face, too.

"I don't know. What are you thinking about?"

"Hand job! If you can get hard in Kurt's hand you can be sure nothing would stop you from riding the Unique express!"

Hand job? Kurt was all for helping Sam, but he hadn't signed up for that!

"Dude! That's kind and all, but if I were to receive a hand job from someone with a … you-know-what – no offence, Kurt – I’d rather it comes from Unique. She may have a you-know-what, but she is still my girlfriend." 

Sam swept his face with his hands. "I shouldn't even have gone so far. It was a dumb idea. I feel like I cheated on her, and I’m not pleased. It's a shitty feeling. No more gay chicken for me. I need to think… and talk to her. Well, see you later."

And just like that, he was gone.

"Way to turn a party sour. How about we do it?"

Kurt turned toward Puck. "What?"

"I dare you to give me a hand job." Puck stressed his demand with a teasing move of his eyebrows.

In the space of one second, Kurt was gobsmacked, an unusual and indefinite feeling twisting on the inside.

"Sam isn't here anymore."

"So what? Sam isn't here anymore so you take his chicken's place."

"I am not a chicken! I just don't think that's wise."

"Cock-a-doodle-do!"

"Shut up, I remember now: I've got my Nutritional Genomics paper to finish. So let's clean up the game and play another time."

"So, that's just a rain check?"

Kurt wanted to say no because he had the feeling the question wasn't about the Yahtzee game, but he already heard the chicken noise coming so he agreed reluctantly.

"Wonderful. Go to work, Mr. Workaholic. I'll prepare us a little something to eat."

Sam came back the next day and his smile was back in full force. Apparently, he and Unique had talked almost all night long and as tasteless as the gay chicken game had been, it did help him accept that he couldn't care less about Unique's equipment. He liked her for whom she was in the inside. From that point, their relationship only got stronger and they all had a good laugh when the rumors began. Indeed, with Sam by her side, Unique learnt to love herself as Unique and as Wade (her legal name) and Sam had been caught kissing them both. The rumor started that Sam was cheating on Unique with a boy, then it changed to them being some sort of threesome in which two parts had never been seen together.

Kurt loved watching them. They always looked so happy, so good with themselves that it was a beautiful sight. But then, he began to feel something strange, some unease. He couldn't explain where it came from, but it began to make him feel sick to see them. The pain didn't prevent him from spending time in their company because they were his friends and he loved them.

His world changed in the space of one week-end.

Rachel, Finn, Bob and Jake came for two days in the middle of May. The few times Rachel and Bob met, they ended up talking about music, one being in her second year at NYADA and the other finishing her first at Mannes. Bob had started writing music as part of her therapy and kept on writing even now she was better.

The two girls could talk to their hearts’ content if no one stopped them. It was funny and tiresome at the same time. However, they let them go on until...

"Okay, girls nice chitchat, but that’s kind of boring. Let's play a game instead!"

When he heard Puck's words, Kurt froze up, afraid his friend would start up with the gay chicken thing again, as he often did lately. He observed as everyone agreed and surprised himself with internal wishes, "not gay chicken, not gay chicken". Puck managed to play it at the last team party and beat everyone except Dave and him. Kurt glanced at Puck; he knew his friend was looking for new opponents, but he wouldn't go as far as playing against their respective brothers, would he? That would be so wrong!

"How about ... a blind-test?"

Kurt silently let out a sigh of relief when everyone agreed. Puck went to get pen and paper to keep the score and his computer. While they came to an agreement on the number of points to be reached, he connected to The Massive MusicQuizz web site. It was their new favorite game; they played it whenever they got time (which meant not very often lately) and the game began. 

_End of passion play_  
Crumbling away  
I'm your source of self-destruction

Veins that pump with fear  
Sucking darkest clear

 

"Metallica, Master of Puppets!" Puck yelled his answer after barely five notes, and Rachel immediately protested.

 "That's not fair! You've already played so you know the songs!"

 "Well, no I don't, and don't tell us that you, Miss-music-is-my-life, are scared to lose against me?"

 The challenge was too much for her. "Of course not, keep going."

 Jake and Finn won the next one, recognizing the intro of "Come as you are". The game carried on between false bickering, laughs and sing-alongs. Everybody made fun of Puck when he identified "I belong to you" by Taylor Swift at the first note. Despite a slow start, Rachel and Bob were with Sam at the finishing line, a point away from winning. Rachel hated to lose and Kurt and Puck had teased her all evening long about it. The tension was at its peak when the guitar was heard.

 Kurt knew the song, but before he could put a name on it – "Jealous guy – John Lennon! Yesss!"

 Sam's words were followed by his winner dance which was the Carlton Banks move that night. Then, he reached for his guitar and started to play. Kurt watched him sing with a smile. Despite the fact that they lived together, he didn't get a lot of opportunities to listen to him sing.

  _I was dreaming of the past_  
And my heart was beating fast  
I began to lose control  
I began to lose control  


  
_I didn't mean to hurt you_  
I'm sorry that I make you cry  
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you,  
I'm just a jealous guy.

 

When Unique joined him, Kurt was surprised at how well their voices mixed together. It was lovely, but then he listened closely to the words and his world froze. The strange sensation he had been feeling when he was in their company was back...

 

_I was feeling insecure_  
You might not love me anymore  
I was shivering inside  
I was shivering inside

 

  
_I didn't mean to hurt you_  
I'm sorry that I make you cry  
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you,  
I'm just a jealous guy.

 

... And now, it had a name: jealousy.

 The remainder of the evening was a blur and he would have loved to withdraw alone in his room but, of course, it was impossible. Puck was sleeping with him to leave his room to Rachel and Finn. He quickly got ready for bed and pretended to sleep: he really needed to think.

Why was he jealous of Unique and Sam? Did he have feelings for Unique? No, she was just a friend and he truly was happy for them. That awful jealousy came from somewhere else, but he fell asleep before finding where.

The next day he wasn't himself. Finn asked him if he had a problem and Kurt brushed it off as if it was nothing. In some ways that wasn't a lie since even he didn't know where the problem laid.

It took him four days after the departure of their guests to understand. He wasn't jealous of the relationship between Unique and Sam, nor of their feelings; it was their openness, their freedom to be themselves. That revelation came to him early on Thursday morning, as if the answer came from his dream.

The alarm-clock rang and he turned it off. For the first time in his life he willingly stayed in bed and closed his eyes.

"Kurt! You’re late, get up!"

Puck's voice, although close to him felt far away." Kurt!"

When Puck started to shake him, Kurt opened one eye.

"Are you ill?"

"No, but I don't feel good."

"Do you want me to call the doctor?"

"No. I’ll just stay in today. Tomorrow will be better."

"Want me to stay?"

"No, thanks, don't worry."

Then Kurt threw Puck out of the room without admitting his main need: to be alone for a while to recharge his batteries.

"Don't forget to call the coaches!"

Once Puck left, Kurt opened his ears; it wouldn’t be long before Sam left also. Hearing the door close a second time was a relief; now he could get up and go to the kitchen to eat something. After all, breakfast was the most important meal of the day, but the simple thought of food made him feel nauseous.

It was 10 past 10 when he finally managed to go to the bathroom. His first purpose was to clean up a bit, but when he saw his reflection in the mirror he stopped… and stared.

He examined himself closely, like he hadn't done in a long time, like he’d done years ago when he decided to play chameleon, and he didn't recognize what he saw now.

Were there parts of the little boy he used to be still in there somewhere? He remembered when he put the mask on, but did he ever take it off?

At the beginning, he showed portions of whom he was to some people, but not much and not often.

Matt had known of his love for musicals and old movies though they’d stopped watching them when the others joined their movie nights.

When did he last lose himself in Breakfast at Tiffany's or The Wizard of Oz? He’d spent so many afternoons watching them with his mum, and now he got the feeling of having lost one of his sweetest childhood memories... Did he even take them with him or were they still somewhere in his old bedroom in Lima?

Who knew he didn't like football? Dave, only Dave. How many people considered him to be a womanizer while he had never met a woman that attracted him enough to go all the way? Many, too many.

Why did he have such a reputation? Why did he keep hitting on girls if he didn't have the heart for it? Because ... because it was easier than facing the truth.

What crushed him the most was that, even if he understood something had to be done, he didn't know how to make the change.

He was trapped in a life of illusion and it hurt. It hurt too much to move, so he stayed there in the bathroom, crying in front of that mirror of truth. He was so lost in his pain that he didn't realize how late it was, nor the door opening.

"Kurt? Are you alright in there? Kurt? Are you hurt?"

He jumped, wiped his eyes and started to say he was okay when he cut himself off. It was Sam, the so-open Sam who’d involuntarily helped him realize what a lie he was living.

"I don't know. I am fine, physically at least, but I don't know."

"What don't you know?"

"Nothing, everything, I don't know." Gosh, he hated his little weak voice.

"Oh, Kurt. Come on." And somehow Sam was beside him and put an arm around his shoulders to get him out of the room.

A few minutes later, Kurt was on the couch with a mug of warm milk in his hand and wrapped in a fleece blanket. He hadn't even realized how cold he was!

"Can you talk to me, Kurt? Maybe you would rather I call Puck? I am sure he'll be here in no time if you need him..." Sam's tone was so soft that Kurt's eyes started to fill with tears once more.

"Not Puck, please."

"Okay, but talk to me, dolphin." Kurt smiled through his tears because that was what Britt had started to call him in senior year, but she never explained why.

The silence was heavy and Kurt knew he had to break it, but it was too difficult to find the words." I... I lost myself, Sammy-boy. I don't know who I am, or how to change it. It hurts. It hurts a lot."

"You are Kurt Hummel, a wonderful friend, a bit of a mother-hen on the side, kick-ass kicker, funny, a smart-ass... And that's not helping since you are still crying. Then, tell me, tell me why you feel this way. Why now? Something must have triggered it..."

He was at a crossroad. Right – he lied and tried to get better by himself; left – he was honest and Sam might be holding his hand until he got better. In the end, Sam's concerned face moved him.

"It's you and Unique.”

That clearly wasn't the answer Sam had been waiting for. "Unique and me? But how..."

"You are so open, so free, so yourself ... It's... as if you don't care what people think or say ... And I am not like that... I haven't been in a very long time." Kurt took a break and drank some milk. "Do you know who my first friend was?"

“No.”

"Matt, and I was a freshman. When I was younger I wasn't the same person as when we met."

"No one is, Kurt. That's what it’s called: growing up."

"I know, smart aleck, but it's not the same. I was... well, boys didn't want to play with me because to their eyes I was strange; girls didn't want to either because I was a boy. Soon, I was the strange boy without a mom. During middle school, I became the strange, skinny boy without a mom it was funny to push around. I used to be hurt every day... Imagine that I once compared myself to a Dalmatian because of the bruises!"

Eyes closed, he took a deep breath and he felt Sam's hand on his knee. "Kurt..."

"That's why I decided to change. I started to play football to be in the cool squad. On my first day of high school, Brittany came and asked me out. It was completely out of the blue. Some boy I've never seen before saw it and came to chat with me. That had never happened before. I had never thought about dating, but it was a way to get noticed, a good way, so I dated. I dated a lot.

“And, now I realize that the line between the things I want because I love them and the things I want because that's what people do is blurred… in every aspect of my life.

“For example, I used to love Broadways musicals. I knew Wicked off by heart, but everybody made fun of Rachel so I slowly stopped watching them and I started mocking her, too. Now I wouldn’t be able to tell what I like even for the life of me. I’m aware that it's stupid, and I can't base my life on what other people want, but how do I change that?"

The words came across a heavy silence which Sam broke. "I can't tell you how to change all that, but why don't you start with small things?"

Frowning, Kurt looked at Sam from the corner of his eye. "Small things?"

"Mm-hm. I know that Unique's got a lot of musicals. Let's do a marathon on Friday or Saturday."

"But you hate that."

"Hate is a strong word. I just don't like them very much, not my favorite kind of movies, but you both watched Avatar enough times just for my pleasure, so I can return the favour."

The proposition, though quite simple, gave Kurt the feeling everything was gonna be alright. Sam was right: small steps.

And that was what he did.

He started with the movies, then the music and clothes. He remembered what he wore before actually looking at the contents of his closet and concluded it was not the real him. He took his time, starting with his underwear and moving outward to the coats.

He warmed up on the inside when he noticed his underwear were still top quality. He smiled, remembering how he’d decided that even if the outside needed changes the inside, the hidden part of him, should remain the same. It was a good surprise to see that even if he’d lost himself on the road, the underwear had stayed a permanent feature.

He sorted out and sold what he didn't want any more before going shopping with Unique. They had a good time; Kurt didn't remember the last time he’d gone shopping for himself and had fun instead of grabbing plain blue jeans, plain shirts and sweaters.

Once the little steps were accomplished, Kurt found himself faced with the bigger one, the harder one: his feelings or lack of sexual desire. He thought about it a long time, trying to find a girl that could do it for him, but nothing worked. Wasn't it strange to be a twenty-year-old man and not feel any sexual desire? He loved cuddling and kissing girls, but nothing else.

An idea began to tick over in his mind. Soon, he was unable to focus on anything else and he began to close his friends off. He saw them noticing. Puck had been the first to ask him if he had a problem, but Kurt couldn't tell him, not that, so he acted as if he didn't know what his friend was talking about.

Then came Sam and even if Kurt knew inside that he could talk to him about anything, something prevented it. However, when Unique cornered him he lost it. 

"Okay, boo, I know there is something. I don't believe any of the bullshit you threw at Sam and Puck and I won't leave you alone. So tell me what's wrong, right now."

"Asexual. I think I am asexual." How could he have spit it out like that?

She blinked and said nothing for a few seconds. "Kurt, I am not sure it's the right term to describe you, but okay, continue. What made you believe that? It's kind of heavy."

Kurt observed her closely, searching for a trace of mockery, but he didn't find any, only concern.

"Boo?"

"I have never ... you know ... with any girls. Tell me how many boys my age can say that?"

"What about Quinn?"

"Quinn? I loved her, I still do, but I love her as a person, not that way."

Unique raised her eyebrows. "Never?" and she seemed even more surprised when he shook his head. "Then I don't understand. Why did you stay with her for so long?"

He was still scrutinizing her, looking for any kind of judgment and Kurt waited to answer, but he saw nothing but kindness and the same openness as usual.

He lowered his eyes and said: "We were similar, on a lot of points and we were looking for the same things."

"Which was?"

"Someone who loved us, someone with whom to have dates, someone who would help us bear the high school years without hassle because of our different needs, someone who would let us live without pressuring us for sexual relationships neither of us wanted nor was ready for. I wasn't really interested in it and she couldn't because of her beliefs.”

"All right, but do you know what it means to be asexual?"

"Yes, someone like me who doesn't like sexual things."

"Not exactly, boo." She moistened her lips. "Asexual is the lack of sexual attraction or sexual interest in any form. Did you ever have a hard-on, sweetie?"

"Unique!" He couldn't believe she’d asked him something like that, something so personal, so private!

"What? The question is rather simple, no shame needed. Well, did you?" Kurt's cheeks grew warm and his refusal to answer made her laugh. "Okay, do you touch yourself while watching porn, then?"

"No, because I don't watch porn." Kurt couldn't believe what she pushed him to say.

“Never?”

“Never.”

"But, but why? I thought all boys LOVE to watch porn."

"Well, I don't. I tried, but I hated it. I can't find any of it arousing. It keeps bringing up thoughts about whether or not the actors' mothers approved and I felt so bad that I cut the movie off."

She laughed. "Oh, Kurt, only you... Can I give you my opinion?" Once he nodded she carried on. "I think you are mostly looking in the wrong place. I saw you at the gay chicken game, Kurt. It may be a stupid game, morally limited, but it's quite revealing."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't notice, did you?"

"No ... What are you talking about?"

At first she didn't answer, lost in her thoughts "I won't tell you, but are you free Friday night?"

As he hesitated, she asked, "Do you trust me Kurt?"

“Of course!”

"Good, then Friday night you are going out with Sam and me."

  
"But..."

  
"Do you trust me?" She waited for him to agree. "So, join us at my place around 9 p.m."

Friday was long in coming. Despite all his questions, Kurt had still no idea of their destination. His only clues were to dress casually, but no trainers, and to take his false ID. At first he felt bad ditching Puck like that, but it stopped when he heard the boy was meeting Harry, Luna and a friend of hers for a double-date.

  
Sam opened the door at Unique’s flat. "Come in, dude, she’s finishing getting ready." Then he yelled, "Unique? Kurt’s here!"

"Two minutes!"  
  
Kurt tried for the last time to fish some information from Sam, but his friend kept saying he had none. 

"Okay, boys, I’m ready. Let's go!"

They both got up and met her at the door. Unique wasn't going out with them, it was Wade. Kurt suppressed the urge to ask the millions of questions rushing in his mind, but was scared of the possible answers.

Instead, he stayed quiet during the ride, barely noticing the talk taking place in the front. When the car parked, the apprehension gnawing at his stomach climbed up his throat. He walked beside them in the street and they stopped in front of a bar named Hippo.

"What is that? What are we doing here? Why..."

 "Kurt? Shut up. As you can see, it's a bar. We are here to have fun, and your mission, should you accept it, is to do it without overthinking it. Can you do it?"

 Without a word, Kurt nodded and followed them to the door. His first thought was that the place was full. Then he understood why she didn't come as Unique. The bar was full of men: men drinking together, men dancing together, men kissing; to sum up, she’d taken him to a gay bar and all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

 "Don't think, boo. Take a drink and relax."

 He drank two tequilas before letting Sam and Unique lead him to the dance floor. They danced for hours and as his friends were moving together on his right, he felt hands on his hips and a muscular body pressed against his. He stiffened for an instant before hearing Unique's voice in his head. ‘Do you trust me? Then, don't think, just enjoy.’

 

And he did.

 


	9. chapter 9

 

 

Puck had been right from the start: sharing the flat with Sam and Kurt kicked ass. And now that he had a regular income, it felt even better. The writing challenge Kurt gave to him had been the first of a long list. Funny how well his friend knew him. 

He didn't think much of his writing skills before then, but he ended up earning a great deal of money for nearly a year, with the exception of his two months as a salesman this summer. He hated it, and he hated being alone in their apartment. Sam and Kurt had been back to Lima for the holidays where Kurt worked at his father's shop and Sam took care of his brother and sister.

To say he was glad to see them coming back would be an understatement. Besides, Puck's happiness about the start of his third year of university partly came from it. It also had been a huge relief to finally have a direction other than hoping to be recruited by a professional team. 

To be honest, even if football allowed him to study at University, he didn't enjoy the game as much as he used to. Too many constraints, too many practices and it was hard to get along with all his teammates, even if things were easier with Dave and T.A., now that they lived apart. So yes, studying literature and creative writing was a surprise, but a really good one.

His phone rang just as he reached their building and he answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Wesley Montgomery. Is that Noah Puckerman?" The seriousness of the voice surprised him.

"Yes..."

"Wonderful, I am calling from ‘Teen & Child Dreams’..."

Puck listened carefully to Mr. Montgomery's words as he reached for the mail in the box. He agreed a few times and then yelled a loud "Yes!" before he hung up.

He couldn't believe it!

He started to do his victory dance, but froze in the middle of it when he saw their neighbour Mrs. Grindle.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Grindle!" As always she ignored him and left, head held high. He didn't know why she hated him so much, but right now he didn't care: he’d just got the best news ever!

When he’d accepted Kurt's challenge, Puck would have never thought it would change his life, but it did. Indeed, when he won the first time, he immediately registered for three other challenges, and he won them, too. Not always the first place, but enough to get him a prize.

His teacher's compliments were pleasant, Kurt's praise was as good to hear as Sam's, and it was fun. All that led him to thinking about his writing skills. He remembered how he used to invent Jo's bedtime stories when she was a little girl and how much she loved them. He loved creating universes; he loved being ‘god’ for his characters, even when they took their destiny into their own hands.

He finally opened the door of his flat, ready to tell the good news to his friends, but no one was there yet. The fact wasn't unusual. Ever since Sam was with Unique, he wasn't here very often; Kurt's disappearances were more recent.

For a few weeks now, Kurt had been coming back home very late. He wasn't wearing his workaholic look, but a party-goer one that Puck didn't appreciate. Actually, it wasn't Kurt having fun that annoyed him; he could have invited him to come and party, too.

Maybe should he go out too, tonight. Who could he call? Maria's got a boyfriend now; Calypso was in Berlin for a semester, Kitty was nice and very flexible, but clingy. Who knew how long it would take him to get rid of her this time? It wasn’t worth the trouble.

He went to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge and sat at the table, drinking half of it.

If he was honest, he didn't feel like going out, and even if he enjoyed sex a great deal, it didn't leave him that relaxed nowadays. He was better off with Kurt. His sleep was always the best in the other boy's bed. And, when Kurt was beside him it was almost heavenly.

Gay chicken was way nicer when they did it before going to sleep. And, Kurt never gave up. Karofsky, either, but it wasn't the same with him. Karofsky scared the shit out of him, but not Kurt. With Kurt it was nice and kind of cute, and he loved how his best friend blushed. Puck often wondered if the red spread everywhere.

Maybe he should dare him for a shirtless French-kiss next time, so he could know.

"Hey, Puck, what are you doing here so early? Thought your classed ended at six?"

"Hey, Sam, I didn't hear you come in. Teacher is missing. Do you know at what time Kurt will be here?"

"Thimble Bladder is in the bathroom."

"I heard you!" Kurt yelled.

"I wasn't trying to be discreet!" Sam answered as loudly.

"Okaay, I must have missed something. Thimble Bladder?"

"Yep. That's his new nickname. We were late this morning because mister had to go pee, just as we were leaving. He had lunch with Unique and spent most of it in the bathroom; and now, first thing he said upon our arrival? 'Boy, I really need to pee'... And, here comes Thimble Bladder!"

Kurt's answer, flipping Sam the bird, was completely out of character. They all headed for the living room; Sam and he sat on the couch while Kurt casually fell onto the ottoman. Kurt's new clothes fit him very well. Those skin-tight jeans really showed off his muscular legs…

"Did you want something?"

The question took Puck by surprise, and then he remembered the phone call. "Great news, guys!" He saw his friends watching him with interest, so he waited, just to bring the suspense up.

"Well? Do tell!"

He loved Kurt's impatience. "Okay, okay ... do you remember when I won all those challenges? Well, that gave me an idea. I don't think I ever told you, but when Jo was younger ... I used to tell her bedtime stories.”

"Oh, that’s cute, Pucky-bear!"

Ignoring Sam's teasing interruption, Puck continued: "It was basically the adventures of a little girl called Jo-Hannah...”

"Wasn't Hanna the name of your first crush?"

“So?”

"So, ‘Hannah’, cute; carry on."

"As I was saying, before being rudely cut off by some jerk, the stories recall the adventures of Jo-Hannah, and Jo loved them. She often says that they were some of her favorite childhood memories. That got me to thinking: if she loved them so much, maybe other kids would love them, too. So I wrote one and I asked Jake to draw some illustrations and..."

"You sent it?" Kurt's cheeks were red with excitement.

"Yes, and I just received a positive answer from a small publisher: Teen & Child Dreams. I've a meeting in five days, but they seemed very interested.”

"Congratulations!" Sam’s huge smile and Kurt's hug made Puck feel even prouder. Was it strange of him to be more puffed up with a feeling of accomplishment because they were proud of him?

"We have to celebrate it!"

"Maybe should we wait until I sign; their interest doesn't mean they will buy it."

"I am sure they will. We should totally celebrate first their interest and then do it again when you will have signed."

"Kurt, you shouldn't underestimate him like that. He can do it, you know..." Sam teased and Kurt only stuck out his tongue as answer.

"So, Friday?"

"No, we can't. Kurt and I have a first game against Temple."

"Damn, I forgot ... Well, let's do it when you get back so that we can celebrate your win and the call at the same time."

"Why not? But I wanna go to the place Kurt had almost been living at these last three weeks." Puck's demand wasn't received as he’d hoped. Kurt seemed to be bothered by it.

"I don't think you will like it very much."

"Why? If you like it that much it must be great." He watched while his friends glanced at each other, then Sam lightly shrugged before Kurt breathed and nodded, clearly reluctantly.

Something was up and on his life, Puck couldn't tell what.

That night Puck went to bed at the same time as Kurt, something they hadn't done in far too long for his taste. Just as Kurt was about to turn the light off, Puck dared him and the shirtless Gay chicken that followed was very pleasurable. He was happy to find out his theory was right: Kurt's chest was pink, too.

Sam's prediction proved itself right. They won the game 36-27. To be honest, Temple wasn't their biggest opponent, therefore it wasn't a huge achievement, but it still helped put them in a celebratory mood.

At least it worked for him, not much for Kurt. The closer to leaving they got, the more nervous Kurt was. And, that was rather insulting, since Puck was the only one who had never been to Hippo yet. When Kurt asked him for the fourth time in an hour if he didn't want to check out another club instead, Puck burst out.

"What's the problem, dude?"

"None, why?" Puck stared at Kurt in disbelief.

"Are you ashamed of me or something?"

"NO! How could you think such a thing?" And the question looked genuine.

"Because you keep on asking me if I am sure I wouldn’t rather go everywhere else!"

"I do?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, gosh, I am so sorry, I didn't realise ... I absolutely didn't want you to feel that way!" Now Kurt looked sad and Puck hated when his friend was like this.

“I believe you, but can you at least tell me what's got your panties in a bunch? Is Hippo that shitty?”

“No! It's great, but it's not really your kind of place.”

Puck was puzzled. Then hoping to appease his friend, even if he didn't understand Kurt's behaviour, he asked, “You like it?” He waited for Kurt to nod and then asked, “Sam likes it? Well, I am sure I will like it, too, and, if I don't, I swear to remain polite and be good. Do you feel better now?”

Kurt smiled and agreed. It was so fake that Puck didn't believe him, but at least he stopped offering to go somewhere else. It was a good thing because Puck was very curious about the place. Why would Kurt worry so much about it?

At first glance, Hippo was like any other club Puck went to: there were a lot of people, music, alcohol and pool tables.

They began the evening with a pool game with Sam and Unique against Kurt and him, the winners facing each other later. Sam was good and Unique got by, but Kurt was a king at the game, which was strange since the game was all a matter of angles and geometry wasn't his thing. They won quite easily, even if Kurt wasn't playing at his full potential. Sam and Unique didn't wait for them to finish their game and headed to the bar to buy some drinks.

Although Kurt was out of character, he managed to focus enough to whip the table. It was nearly empty when a dude Puck had never seen before, stopped by.

"Hey, beautiful! What are you doing down here? Let's get your sweet body moving, darling."

Surprised, Puck looked around him, wondering to whom the guy was talking. Then he noticed that Kurt, who was about to hit a ball, straightened up to answer, "Hey, Sebastian, long time no see..."

Who was that guy, calling his friend 'beautiful'? How come he made Kurt blush in two words? Puck had never before seen Kurt acting like that. He looked completely smitten with the guy and totally forgot their game. Disturbed by the scene taking place in front of him, Puck took some time before starting to listen to their banter, not liking the guy’s pinched-face appearance at all.

"... really good time the other night."

And, after that sentence which implied too much for Puck's taste, he saw the intruder wrap an arm around Kurt's waist in a too-intimate move. Puck didn't know this guy, but he appeared to be more than a mere acquaintance. What he hated the most, was that Kurt looked to have completely forgotten his presence.

"Hey, we were in the middle of something here ...!"

They turned their heads in his direction, one with a look of apology, the other more annoyed than anything else, staring at Puck with squinty green eyes.

"Well, it mustn't have been very captivating if he forgot you so fast, unkempt rooster." Sharp teeth glinted after the delivery of that insult.

His ’hawk! The guy was clearly making fun of his ’hawk. Fighting against the temptation to check if his hair was still perfectly styled, Puck didn’t get a chance to put him in his place before Kurt spoke.

"Sebastian, be kind! Puck, this is Sebastian. Sebastian, let me present a very good friend of mine, Puck.”

That introduction, though simple, calmed Puck down. He was the ‘very good friend’ and that dude was only Sebastian. In light of his behaviour, Puck would rather call him Snobastian. His satisfaction was short-lived, though, as Kurt smiled without moving away from Snobastian's arms and said: "Let me finish beating his ass and then I’m coming. Wanna dance, too, Puck?"

Puck screwed up his eyes; what a stupid question. "Of course!" After all, it was the 'Congratulations, Puck, Soiree'. He was here to have fun with his friends and he refused to let this guy wreck it.

As predicted, Kurt kicked his ass at pool and then they all went to the bar in order to quench their thirst. Snobastian paid for a blushing Kurt’s drink before they joined Sam and Unique upstairs.

Puck was dancing to 'I'm sexy and I know it' when he suddenly realised what Kurt meant by "It's not really your kind of place."

He was surrounded by men dancing with other men, women teasing other women. To sum up, he realized that, even if there were some straight couples here and there, he was actually in a very gay-friendly club.

A man with a foul ginger ’fro started to rub against him in what had to be, at least to him, a sexy manner. Puck scanned the room looking for help. The golden couple 2.0 was nowhere to be seen, just Kurt and Snobastian. Puck froze and observed his friend for a few seconds.

Kurt was dancing and moving very sensually with the spoilsport and Puck didn't enjoy it for a bit. That wasn't the Kurt he knew and that new facet disturbed him. He felt a hand on his hip and jumped, remembering that horrible man hitting on him.

The universe wasn't right; it was time to put it back together. Without giving a second glance toward the poor ginger thing, Puck crossed over the dance floor and joined Kurt. The two men were face-to-face and Kurt had his back to him. It took Puck barely two seconds to bring his body close to Kurt’s. Kurt froze and tensed up, most probably wondering who he was. To soothe his friend, Puck leaned on him and whispered in his ear, "Don't worry, it's just me" and just like that, Kurt relaxed.

Despite Kurt's fears, Puck loved Hippo. The ambiance was great and he discovered a new Kurt; funnier, more comfortable within his skin, more open. Puck danced with Kurt and Snobastian for a while, never backing down from the noticeable challenge in the meerkat's eyes. Kurt was _HIS_ friend and he refused to let some low-class gigolo take advantage of him.

Lucky break, when Unique and Sam finally met up with them, the guy understood his presence was unwanted and moved away. And, at last, Puck got to enjoy the music with his friends.

They left around 1 a.m.; being the designated driver, Kurt didn't drink, but to be honest no one was drunk. Puck himself was only lightly buzzed. The journey home was quiet, except for the giggling couple in the back-seat. Golden couple 2.0 was most certainly having fun, but Puck didn't dare to turn around to confirm it. He might have some voyeuristic kinks, but that couple had a huge 'no' written all over. It would be like checking out Jake and Bob, or worse, his mom with any of her boyfriends. Complete turn off!

In order to block the sounds coming from the rear, Puck focused on Kurt. He could start a discussion, but the kissing soundtrack dissuaded him; then instead, he closed his eyes. He replayed the evening in his mind from what he would call ‘point S’, when Kurt's friend left. After that, they’d danced together, just them. That fact was a first. It wasn't the first time they’d danced, but it was the first without any feminine interference. It had been surprising and interesting.

Kurt's new openness shifted things. He was less self-conscious, smiling more, and happier. It was surprising to watch the sparkling of his eyes, the way he moistened his lips with his tongue (way too often but that was unintentional) or the way he moved around him. That clearly was a dancing gay chicken; Puck was being challenged in silence. So they played, giving as much as they received, stopping only when Sam asked if they were ready to leave. And, when they did; Puck was hard.

As he combined the noises coming from the back seat, Kurt's bad-ass calm presence beside him and thoughts of their moments on the dance floor, his erection came back in full force. It drove him to wonder what would happen when they got home.

Unique and Sam were the first to go up the stairs, half-laughing, half-kissing. He observed them and smiled. He loved seeing Sam so happy, and then he turned toward Kurt.

"Let's sleep in my room tonight."

"What? But why? Are your sheets even clean?"

"Yes, ‘mum’, they are clean. Actually, I washed them last week and I haven't used them yet. As for the why, I don't know about you, but I don't feel like listening to the lovebirds all night. I am not sure they are able to keep it quiet tonight."

As if to prove his statements, Unique's voice reverberated through the flat, "Oh, my gosh... Stop the teasing and start sucking ... YESSS!"

“Okay.”

To be in that bed was strange. He had only slept in it with girls he fucked. It was his sex bed and being in it with Kurt, after the evening they just had, was kind of stressful. Kurt's breathing was slowly getting steady and Puck realised that if he wanted to release some sting he needed to act fast.

"Kurt?"

"Hmmm?"

"I wanna play."

"Hmmm, what? Play? Puck, it's late..."

"What? You're chicken? I didn't even tell you the dare!”

He felt the body beside him stiffen. "I am not a chicken."

Puck smirked; Kurt’s voice was a lot less sleepy now. "You've got to play; now it's my turn."

"How come? It's always your turn."

"Of course not, you got yours on the dance floor."

"I didn't!"

"Kurt, I have seen you dance before, but never like that."

The few seconds of quiet before Kurt's answer seemed a lot longer. "Well, that's how I am at Hippo. Anyway, now that you woke me up, you'd better tell me what you had in mind."

"Let's move to the next level..."

"What a surprise!"

Puck ignored the mockery. "Sixty-nine. The first one that backs down is the king of chickens."

The lack of response left him puzzled. Since they were in the dark, he couldn't read Kurt's face nor gauge his reaction. He heard the scraping of the sheets and felt Kurt sit, then the light switched on.

Kurt was naturally pale, but he looked white as a sheet. "Kurt?"

"No." Even his voice was pale and Puck was aware he should back off, but something urged him to keep pushing.

"Why? Scared of a little blow-job between friends?"

"That's not a joke, Puck. It's sex, real sex, and I don't think it's a good idea."

"It wouldn't mean anything, you know? Blow-jobs aren't really sex, you know? We are still straight. So are you really pulling a chicken on me?"

Far from motivating him, Kurt's face closed off even more if possible and in a blink of eyes he was at the door.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"To my bedroom."

"But ... But what about the Sam and Unique express?" Puck stammered his words, shocked that Kurt would leave him like that.

"I'd rather try my luck with them than staying here with you!"

Puck stared at the door. He couldn't believe Kurt left him high and dry like that. Just because of some fucking Gay chicken. He waited a few minutes, convinced he would come back, but the door remained desperately closed.

He tried to sleep, but rolled over in his bed, unable to get to sleep, knowing Kurt was mad at him. Fed up, he got up and crossed the apartment to Kurt's room. The yells of pleasure coming from the next room disturbed him, but he focused and muted the noise before knocking. He waited and called, "Kurt? Open up, please!"

No sound.

"Come on! It's stupid. We don't have to play if you don't want to..."

As there still wasn't any answer, Puck tried to turn the door handle, but it didn't work.

Kurt had locked his door.

That was a first.

Puck pressed his forehead against the door, breathed out, and then went reluctantly back to his room, alone. He would talk to Kurt the next day and everything would get better.

It was a good plan, which might have worked if he had seen Kurt, but he didn't. His friend was gone when he woke up and he didn't come back, at least not that Puck saw. He went to his appointment with Wesley Montgomery and sold the rights of 'The Mysterious Summer of Jo-Hanna Monthe'. When he went back home he was happy, but alone.

Sam had sent him a message asking how the meeting went, but Kurt hadn't and that hurt. If Puck was here where he was, it was thanks to him, he should be there, by his side. The worst was that he didn't get to tell Kurt himself. Sam must have done it since he received a brief 'congratulations' text message.

Instead of being happy, this laconic word left him sadder than ever.

Tired of the game of hide-and-seek he had been unwillingly playing with Kurt for the last two weeks, he decided it was time to do something. On the heels of his resolutions, he rose with the lark the next morning and when Kurt arrived in the kitchen he was resolutely waiting for him at the table.

"Hi." Damn, it was good to finally have him just to himself, instead of glimpsing him from afar on the football field. Kurt was on his guard and it was painful for Puck to think it was because of something he’d done or said. "Sit down. Please. I made coffee and French toast. Do you want some?"

Still quiet, Kurt nodded and took a seat. During this time, Puck poured the coffee and mixed it with cream, sugar and cinnamon before putting the mug on the table with the platter of toast.

“Thank you.”

Puck would have never thought he would be so happy to hear such a simple phrase, but he was. They hadn't spent that much time without talking to each other ever since they met.

"Kurt, I’m sorry for the other night. I didn't mean to hurt you, nor make you angry. I promise… you are not a chicken; I shouldn't have made that challenge. It was completely unbecoming..."

"Don't. It's not entirely your fault. I shouldn't have gone ballistic so fast. I should have explained myself better instead of leaving like I did. For that, I am sorry."

"Can you explain to me now? Please ... I feel like I am missing something ... something important."

Kurt's look, he felt on him, was awkward. It felt like his friend was probing some hidden truth inside him and Puck couldn't tell what it was.

"You are right. You missed something, but..."

"But what? You can tell me anything, you know that, don't you? It's me!"

Looking closely at Kurt hurt him. He seemed so scared, so uncomfortable ... But he was also a badass to the core, therefore he smiled – not the most convincing one, but a smile nevertheless – before agreeing.

"Okay.” He nibbled his lower lip. "I don't know how to tell you."

"Be straight." When Kurt giggled, he asked, "What's funny?"

"That might be difficult..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Do you remember what Quinn's beliefs were about sex?"

"Yep, no sex before marriage... Damn! Don't tell me she managed to convince you?"

"Not really, but I agree with some part of it."

"Which part?"

"No sex. Not before marriage, but without feelings, without being with someone who matters."

"So?" Puck was starting to be afraid of where this was leading.

"So, I have never met anyone who matters, yet."

He saw Kurt preparing to get up and watched him carefully. Then Puck realized what had been said: 'I have never met anyone who matters' ... Does that mean – "You're a virgin?! But ... What about Lois?"

Kurt shook his head.

"Melissa? Jenny? Carly? Sylvia?" Each name was followed by a new 'no'. "Fuck! I did not see that coming. Aren't you even curious?"

"Yes, of course… but I want to do it with someone significant, not in a stupid game to prove I’m not a chicken. That's not the only reason. I also feel like I am cheating."

"You can't cheat at Gay Chicken, and you are not a chicken."

"Yes, you can. It wasn't voluntary at first."

"No, you can't ... And, how can you involuntarily cheat?"

"Yes, you can ... because I didn't know at the time."

"You're either a wimp like the guys on the team, or you're a bad ass like us."

"There is a third possibility."

"Okay... Then, why don't you tell me what it is?"

Kurt whispered something barely audibly.

"What?"

"I said, ‘ _if you are gay’_."

Troubled by the answer, Puck watched Kurt, not really sure he correctly understood what he was trying to say.

"Maybe, but we aren’t. I mean, everybody knows we are womanizers, right?"

As soon as he finished speaking, Puck became aware that it was the wrong thing to say. Kurt's face was more closed than at the beginning of their discussion. He hurried to correct himself, but before he had a chance to do so he heard: "Guys! It's not cool to have special breakfast without telling me!"

And, then, the moment was lost.

Soon, Kurt stood up in order to finish getting ready and Puck watched him leave with a heavy heart.

He tried to corner him several times in the next three days, but the guy managed to slip away every time... And, then he was gone.

Vanishing without a word.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Saying that truth out loud and willingly to his friend had been difficult, but Kurt realized it gave him an incredible feeling of freedom. Puck's answer, or rather his lack of a real answer, crushed that feeling fairly quickly; the sensation, however, remained in a corner of his head.

 Not ready to face Puck, Kurt went to Unique's that night. She had become his breath of fresh air; with her he was his true self without any concern. That night they watched a Canadian movie called C.R.A.Z.Y. that her friend Patty recommended, and it gave him this immense craving to see and talk to his dad.

 He needed to be as honest with him as he was with most of his friends here.

 He tried to convince himself it was ridiculous to go now. After all, he had been hiding himself for a long time, why couldn't he wait until Christmas holidays? It was only a few weeks away. That reasoning worked for a total of three hours, then, the craving came back full force to the point where it was impossible to avoid.

 Practice that afternoon reached a height of matchless absurdity. Indeed, his distraction impacted on his game, and he nearly missed more shots in one afternoon than in the past year, in a whole. In the middle of it, the coach asked him to go shower and wait for him in his office.

 The shower helped Kurt to come to a conclusion: he needed some time-off. He wouldn't be able to focus on anything as long as he needed to have this talk with his father. Quinn, too; he needed to see her, to be honest with her.

 The discussion with his coach was short. Luckily, Kurt got along pretty well with the man. He wasn't one of the more demanding players as he always worked hard and didn't pose problems.

 To modestly summarize, he was a 'perfect asset for the team'. He only told the man he had to leave for a few days, five at the maximum because of some family matters, and promised to be back on time and in better shape of mind for the game against UCLA.

 Once the team problem was resolved, he sent an e-mail to his professors and organized with some friends to recover the lessons later. Then he threw some clothes in a bag, warned Unique of his impromptu departure and he was on the road by 4 p.m.

 Questions and hypothetical scenarios about the talk to come spun inside his head during the first hour. Up to the point where it drove him crazy. The strain rose a bit more with every mile and the beeps of his phone ringing at regular intervals didn't help him keep calm, either. It had to be Puck and Sam since they both saw him leave practice early.

 Logically, he should at least send them a text message to stop their questions and worries, but he didn't want to park to do it. He was afraid that if he were to take a break too soon, his own doubts would push him to turn back before reaching his destination. Instead, he turned the music up. Good thing the road was clear since Lenny Kravitz was wonderful to speed up to.

 He hesitated for a long time but when he finally took a break, he called Carole to warn her he was on the way. If he had called his dad, he would have to answer more questions than he wanted to on the phone. He didn't want to spill anything in those circumstances. Carole was the safest option. She asked two things: if he had a problem, to which he replied ‘no’, and at what time he would be there to which he answered too late so they shouldn't wait up for him.

 His step-mom was a doll.

 When Kurt cut the engine of his car in front of his home, nearly five hours later, he was tired. He breathed and rolled his shoulders to loosen his nerves. Despite his request that they not stay up, light was shining out the living-room window showing they were, indeed, waiting for him.

 He grabbed his bag, slid his phone into the back pocket of his jeans without reading any of the 35 messages waiting, and walked to the front door. Kurt raised his hand, ready to ring the bell, but a breeze went through him. He shivered, frozen. _Go, Kurt, go! It's only your dad. It's not like the revelation you are about to make could change your whole life._ He was still bracing himself when the door opened, revealing his dad.

 "Hey, son, what are you waiting for? Come in!"

 Kurt barely got inside before he was pressed against his father's chest. He dropped his bag and hugged back with all his might.

 His eyes were stinging; gosh, he hoped he would never lose him.

 "Hey, kiddo, it's good to see you."

 "You, too, dad, you, too.”

 As soon as his dad released him, he fell into Carole's arms. Her smell wasn't like his mum's, but was still nice and heart-warming.

 "Kurt, how are you, honey?"

 "Fine, tired, but fine." He kissed her cheek and then moved away. She looked closely at him and announced:

 "Your room is clean and the bed is ready. It's very late, why don't we go to bed and talk tomorrow?"

 "Carole..."

 "Burt, look at him! He is exhausted. Any talk you could have now would end badly. Whatever it is, I am sure that it can wait for him to have a good night’s sleep."

 His dad didn't look convinced by his wife's arguments so Kurt intervened. "Dad, Carole is right, I am tired, and you are, too. We will talk tomorrow. There is no rush." He stressed his claim with a reassuring smile.

 "Don't give me the 'no rush' bullshit, Kurt. You wouldn't be here if something wasn’t up. Tell me just one thing: are you sick?"

 "No, dad, I swear!"

 His father clearly had doubts, but he lined up with the majority and nodded.

 "When do you need to be at the shop," Kurt asked.

 "I'm not going. I took care of it with the guys as soon as I saw you were on the way. If you are here for a day, I wanna spend it with you, not working at the shop."

 "Thanks, dad. I’m gonna have a shower before going to bed, okay? Good night."

 "G'night, Kurt."

 Being back in his old room felt odd. It wasn't his first time back since he’d moved for college, but circumstances were different now.

 If the discussion didn't go well the following day, it could be his very last night here. Kurt refused to think it. He started, however, to gather some little things forgotten during his previous visits: photos, private diaries, some clothes, nothing high-priced, mostly memories.

 He plugged in his phone to charge and saw in passing the increasing number of messages, but he didn't read them. He wasn't up to dealing with it – maybe in the morning.

 Despite the impending discussion with his dad, sleep came very fast. Probably because he always slept alone here, he didn't miss his bed-buddy.

 The now unusual sound of the house woke him up fairly early, given the time he’d gone to bed. When he arrived in the kitchen, Carole was about to leave for work.

 "Your father is still sleeping, you know how he is with his lie-ins and he rarely got to do any, except on Sundays. I will see you tonight, right?"

 "I hope so..." Shoot! He shouldn't have said that since she was now looking at him suspiciously, but she didn't add anything, only kissing his cheek like she used to do when he was in high school.

 "Bye." After her departure, he was taken by an awful choking feeling, and a desire to take action before exploding. Breakfast, he had to make something for breakfast. Wasn't food supposed to soothe the savage breast? No, that was music, but his dad had always been more gourmand than a music-lover ... Then, yes, food it was!

 He was starting to cook his tenth crêpe when his father made his appearance.

 "Morning, dad."

 "Son." The one-word reply and the lifeless tone were typical of his dad before his third coffee.

 They chatted during the whole meal and the everyday domesticity helped Kurt to calm down. The tension rose back quite suddenly when his dad ate his last bit of crêpe and said: "Now, tell me what's wrong."

“Nothing ...”

 "Kurt, you're my son, and I know you. The likelihood that the main purpose of this visit was just to update me on Mike and Tina’s engagement, or on the fact that Marley _ because that's her name and you really should start using it_ sold her first song, is close to none. Now, tell me. Is it a problem at school or with the team maybe? You told me you weren’t sick ..."

 "No, dad, no problem. I just ... needed to see you and talk to you, you know face-to-face."

 "Well, I'm here and all ears."

 Kurt stared at his father to watch for the myriad expressions about to cross his face.

 "Okay ... It's complicated, and very difficult for me to say. First, I am sorry, I am so sorry to have lied to you for so long, but I was lying to myself, too, so it's not like I did it deliberately, I swear!"

 "Kurt..."

 "Please, let me finish." Kurt took a break and wiped at the tears which were starting to fill his eyes. "I realized something wasn't right about me at the time Sam started dating Unique ... I talked to them a lot and they helped me get my life in order... I only found the last part about three weeks ago... Then, yesterday I realized you didn't know any of it and it wasn't fair. I couldn't stand for you to be in the dark any longer. That's why I came. It's not the kind of talk you can have on the phone, don't you think?"

 "I don't know. I'm glad you got your life in order as you said, and that you decided to come here to talk to me, but..."

 Kurt's heart pounded wildly; that 'but' could be a bad omen.

 "You forgot a critical thing."

 “I did?”

 "You did. I don't know what you are talking about!"

 Kurt was taken aback by those words. He thought back to what he said and giggled. "Oops, you are right, sorry. Dad?"

 "Son?"

 "I ... I am gay."

 It was a terrible time to realize that he had lost his ability to read his dad during their time apart, but he wasn't, on his life, able to decipher the light in his eyes.

 "You're sure?"

 He lowered his eyes, unable to face the judgement in his father's eyes as he nodded.

 "I am very happy you came up here to tell me, and to be as honest with you as you were with me but… I knew."

 Kurt jumped. "What? Really? You knew? But ... how?"

 "I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."

 "Why ... why didn't you say anything?"

 "Kurt, it wasn't my place. My job as your dad is to love you. And I do, whether you are straight or gay. I guess I'm not totally in love with the idea, but if that's who you are, there's nothing I can do about it. And, I love you just as much. The only thing I care about is: are you happy?"

 Kurt stealthily wiped away his tears to answer, "I am getting there."

 "Good. Is there someone special?"

 "Daaadd!!"

 "What? I was just asking..." he grinned, and Kurt found himself relaxing completely.

 Kurt left the next morning. After having spent some time at the shop and, savoured one of Carole famous casserole. Going home had been the right thing to do. If he’d had doubts before, they were gone now: he had the best dad in the world.

 Now he could only hope that things would go as well with Quinn. She had been his best friend in high school, but ever since the break-up they’d grown apart somewhat, and that had to change.

 He sent her a text message asking if she was free for dinner, and a surprised and positive answer later he was back on the road.

 

* * *

 

"I’m okay." Twenty voice-mails, double that number of texts, 48 hours of worry and he only got a two-word reply.

Puck stared at his phone in disbelief and threw it on the bed as if it was the guilty one.

He’d questioned a ton of people, but no one had nor offered him any information. He could swear that Unique knew more than she was letting on, but he couldn't prove it. Even for Sam it had been impossible to get a word out of her regarding Kurt.

As maddening as it was now, it was useful to know Unique was good at keeping secret.

His phone rang and he smiled: Kurt must have realized his message had been very short. He reached out for it and counted up to ten before picking up; he didn't want to appear impatient.

"Puck." At the sound of the voice his hope deflated. "Yo, man! How are you?"

No, he would never admit to being disappointed, it was just an illusion. "Never been better..." As usual, T.A. completely missed the irony and kept going.

"Great… so, I was talking to David earlier and we realized it had been a long time since the four of us had fun together. We should totally do something tonight. You free?"

"Yes..." He hesitated. Should he explain that Kurt wasn't there at the moment? He probably should have, but he forgot how quick at speaking T.A. was.

"Dave will take care of Kurt, but check with him when you see him, okay?"

"Er…"

"Fantastic. We’ll pick you up at six. See you." And he hung up.

The T.A. hurricane hadn't changed; it was still as hard to resist him. He felt bad for Kurt, but that didn't last. He was the one who left without any warning, the one who didn't give any news. It was Kurt who should feel bad, not him. Tonight Puck was going to have fun and stop thinking about fucking friends who dropped their own friends and disappeared.

Later, when he opened the back door of Dave's pickup truck, Puck was surprised to see Harry. He glanced at the driver side and Dave said, "I couldn't reach Kurt so I thought: if it can't be an ex-roommates’ thing, let's make it a buddies’ night instead."

Puck shrugged. He didn't care much, Harry was a cool guy. They headed to a diner where burgers were mostly fat. Kurt would have been horrified.

They talked about football and boring school stuff. T.A. was very voluble about one of his professors, Dave rambled about some internship he was trying to get, Harry revealed that he was bargaining with three different teams and Puck got to brag about his book. Then, scared the talk would turn toward Kurt's whereabouts, he asked T.A. about Nancy's.

He was persuaded T.A. would start his usual praise of the girl, but instead he said, "We are on break."

More than astonished, Puck took a quick look over at Dave and he seemed more annoyed than anything else. As for Harry, he didn't seem to realise there was a problem.

"Damn! What happened?” This was like Quinn and Kurt’s break up – out of the blue.

"We are not broken up, really, just on break. It's getting harder to be so far from each other..."

"T.A., that's a lie; tell the truth,” Dave butted in.

"I am not lying!"

"Well, you are not being entirely honest, either. Tell them everything so they can tell you how stupid you are! If Nancy knew she would dump you, and you would deserve it."

"Shut up, Dave! You have your opinion, I have mine. But… okay, why not? I will tell them, but give them a chance to get their own point of view."

"Fred, George, stop the argy-bargy and start talking: we don't have all night ... Okay, we have, but I don't want to spend it listening the two of you talking for the sake of talking," Harry said.

Puck burst out of laugh. "Well said, dude!"

"The thing is that I met this woman..."

"You cheated on Nancy??? Bad, man, bad!" And it was, because Nancy was perfect for him, once she managed to get used to his constant babble.

"I didn't! But she is great, a real lady, she is studying art history..."

During T.A.'s speech, Dave sneezed something that looked like "slut!" and that was disturbing. Dave wasn't the most courteous guy of the world but he was respectful toward women.

"Dave, why don't you say what you think? Looks like you’re itching to do it."

"Dude, she is whatever you want, but not a Lady. That's an insult to all the ladies in the world."

"David!"

"What? Don't you see how she dresses? Next to her, that Gaga chick is conservative!" 

Now Puck was puzzled. Did she walk around naked?

"And the first time you went out with her she left with someone else’s number. 'Just in case.' Tell me that I am lying."

"So what? It's not like we were a couple!"

"‘Were? So now you are?" The tone of Dave voice aroused Puck's interest, the guy knew something.

"More and less," A.T. replied, but he didn't sound very sure, which was a rare occurrence for him.

"Where is she tonight?"

"With some friends."

"Brad or Joey?"

"Both, why?"

"Fuck you! Are you stupid or stupider?"

"What?"

"They are her fuck-buddies. She told you, they told you. I don't understand. How can you accept it?"

"It's... we are not exclusive."

Listening to their discussion was like watching a tennis match and, to Puck’s thinking, Dave was about to win. The latter was incidentally about to add some juicy detail when Harry cut in.

"Let's see if I understand well. You have been with Nancy for three years…

T.A corrected him: "Four," and making things worse at the same time.

"Four. You used to think she was your soulmate..."

"I still think she is."

That guy was very confusing.

"So, you wanna leave your soulmate for another girl: a kind of gold-digger who has more one-night-stands than Puck in the golden days, a bit slutty. Is she really smart, or very funny? She must have something special going for her!" Harry ended his sum up in disbelief. And, suddenly, Puck knew.

"What's her name?"

The question didn't seem relevant to the quarterback and he pointed it out. "Who cares? Dave is right, that's stupid."

With a smirk, Puck commented "Wait I think it's more ridiculous than you think. And, he cares. So?"

Dave’s sneering smile and T.A.'s nervous one told Puck he’d hit the nail on the head.

T.A. muttered his answer: "Edith."

He thought very hard and very quickly, before exclaiming, "…like in Teddy Roosevelt’s wife’s name, right?"

"Yes! Isn't it fantastic?"

"Dave is right, you _are_ stupid."

"I don't understand..." and Harry truly looked lost.

"Our dear friend here has the weirdest kink I ever came across: Names..."

"I do not!"

Ignoring the interruption, Puck carried on: "To be more precise, names connected to presidents of United State of America."

"How come?" Harry glanced at T.A. who was trying to make himself inconspicuous.

  
"I could bet he doesn't have any feelings for that Edith. If what Dave said is correct, she really isn't T.A.'s kind of girl. What he likes is her name. Nancy is perfect for him, she is smart, a pure beauty and patient and she even shares her first name with Reagan's wife. The only good thing about this Edith is she's got the same first name as Roosevelt's wife. And, to that idiot, it's a very good omen. They could be Theodore and Edith 2.0. Dave is wrong: you are not stupid, you are a moron doubled with a jackass."

"Hey!" The lack of honest contradiction from T.A. proved he realised they were right, but refused to admit it. "Okay, I don't wanna discuss it anymore." 

Puck remained silent after that, focusing on his burger. It was good, at the beginning, but Kurt was right: the homemade ones were far better. This one was disgustingly fatty.

"I met someone." Dave's words surprised them all. He never had been very open about his love life.

"Man! Why didn't you tell me?"

So T.A. didn't know either? Odd, but if Dave decided to tell them now it must be important.

"Good for you! Tell us about her..."

" _Patrick_ is great – no, fantastic! We met in a bar two months ago and we just ... the penny dropped."

"Patrick? Original for a girl..."

Puck stared at T.A. in disbelief. Where did his brain go?

"It's not a girl... I ... I am ... gay. I'm gay."

Two jaws dropped and Puck only thought was 'what the fuck? They are everywhere!' Then, he noticed Dave seemed awkward and he was saying something about leaving. Puck realised he had to say something to calm him down.

"It's cool, dude. If it's good for you, it's good for us… right guys?"

They all agreed and T.A. asked, "When do we get to meet him?" That question gave them one of Dave's brightest smiles.

They left the diner half an hour later to go bowling, opting to avoid the clubs, since Harry and Dave were taken and T.A.'s love life was already complicated enough. As for him, he didn't feel like trying to chat up a girl; after all, it was a buddies’ night.

Later that night, as he was trying to sleep, Puck wondered why Dave and Kurt's revelation didn't receive the same reaction. Why was he completely cool with Sam and Unique, Dave and Patrick, but to imagine Kurt with guys like that Snobastian was unbearable?

He focused his thoughts on Dave. He liked him. Dave was his friend even if they’d taken some time to reach that level. He would even go so far as to say they were good friends. The guy didn't open up easily, and musically their tastes were complete opposites, but Puck knew the man hadn't had a simple life and the worst he could wish for him was to be happy. And, from the way he talked about Patrick, he was on the right track.

Sam ... He loved Sam; they were more than just friends. He loved Sam as much as he loved Jake and Jo. Sam was his brother in all except blood. Puck had watched him struggle with all his relationships. Santana, Mercedes and Brittany had been good for him up to a certain point, but with Unique it had been different from the start.

It was love at first sight, on both parts, and if discovering she had a penis didn't drive them apart, to Puck’s thinking, nothing could. That was a good thing; Unique was a good person and she helped Sam to be better. Who was Puck to judge her on what she had or hadn't in her pants? She made his brother happy and he was all for it.

And then there was Kurt. What was Kurt to him? If Dave was a friend, Kurt was more than that, but he wasn't a brother like Sam. Or it would be a very incestuous one with all the gay chicken. True, he’d tried to play with Sam, too, but they would have never gone so far. He didn't want to think about gay chicken, nor of the reactions it produced in him, and even less the lack of reaction his last rendezvous with Gaila had had.

To be honest, he didn't want to think at all, he longed for the very elusive sleep to come. To achieve his goal, he decided to do what he’d avoided since Kurt left: he went to sleep in the other boy's bed.

Kurt wasn't there, of course, but the mattress and the smell was comforting. He hugged Kurt's pillow and soon fell into a refreshing sleep. He slowly moved during the night and when he woke up the next day, Kurt was at the pillow's place.

His first thought was 'finally', but it didn't last long. Without trying to be careful, he pulled his arms away and left the room.

* * *

 

Kurt came back to college lighter than when he left. His discussion with his dad had been wonderful and his meeting with Quinn got their relationship back on a better footing. The start had been difficult since she thought he was there to get back with her and, like he discovered later, she’d got engaged to a future pastor.

Despite the initial embarrassment, the talk went nicer when she understood the purpose of his visit was something else entirely. They caught up and chit-chatted on mundane things they missed in each other’s life. When he shyly announced the reason for his presence, she had a wonderful reaction. She listened, smiled and then hugged him tightly.

Apparently, like his dad, she’d had some suspicions, but she wasn't able to put a name to them before their break-up and, by then, she didn't dare to say a word about it.

Like his father, she casually asked if he had someone special in his life, but this time as he assured her no; he was fighting against Puck's picture dancing in front his eyes.

Kurt forced himself to not think about Puck during the remainder of his short stay in Yale, as well as in the journey back, only to find the said man asleep in his bed. He couldn't prevent his heart from jumping with joy in his chest. They hadn't slept here together since their last aborted gay chicken game.

As silently as possible, he changed into his night-clothes, took his pillow back and slid between the sheets. He felt Puck's arm wrapping around him as he fell asleep, smiling.

An abrupt motion got him out of his sleep after what felt like a few minutes of rest. He didn't need to open his eyes to know what had woken him up. Puck leaving the room not as discretely as usual could only mean one thing: he was angry.

Was it about his byroad coming-out or his unforeseen leaving?

Kurt shivered at the thought of their future talk. Puck could be the kindest man, but he also knew how to hurt with words. The sound of cupboards and drawers slamming convinced him to get up and face the music. The more he would wait, the more Puck would be annoyed.

The first thing he saw when he entered the kitchen was his friend at the table, his phone on display and a mug of coffee between his hands.

"Hey."

Gosh! If eyes could kill, he would be dead by now.

"'I’m okay.' Thank you, it was very informative. You know what? Next time, be pithier. It's not as if we were worried or anything..."

Ouch, straight to the point! Kurt prepared his coffee and sat in front of his friend, saying softly, "Sorry."

"Oh, you are sorry? Well, if you are sorry there is absolutely no problem then." Kurt watched as Puck got up, put his mug in the sink and walked to the door. Following an impulse, Kurt caught Puck's hand. "Wait! I am really sorry, you know. I went to see my dad and Quinn. After our talk, I had to see them..."

"And I supposed they forbade you to call?"

"No, of course not ... I needed to focus on them and ... I didn't know what you wanted ... our last conversation was rather..."

"Shitty." Puck's arm relaxed in his hand so Kurt released it, aware that his friend wouldn't leave now.

"Yes. Do you think..."

"Do I think what?"

"You could accept it? Accept me?"

"Naturally! I was only surprised, I had no clue and between all the changes you went through lately, I got the awful feeling that I didn't know you anymore."

"I swear you do. I tried different things, but I am still the same, only with more varied interests. And, gay, not straight."

"Okay. I'll just need some time to adjust. You're up for a Risk?" 

At those words Kurt's heart blossomed. His dad, Puck, Quinn, Sam and Unique all the most important people in his life knew now, and better still, they accepted it.

"Okay, but just one, I have a ton of work to catch up."

The next few days went without any major events, except his meeting with Dave and "his friend" Patrick at Hippo. They didn't talk a lot, but their respective presence on Friday night was revealing enough. Instead, they had fun, the three of them dancing for a long time. Sebastian came by during some songs, but ever since the evening with Puck, all the sensations the boy incited in him went into a dive.

Kurt was starting to realise that Puck's presence in his life might not have just positive effects. They needed to find a new way to interact or the big crush he had on his friend would destroy everything.

* * *

 

Kurt was avoiding him; no, he was avoiding his touch.

At first Puck didn't think too much of it, but it was annoying to see Kurt detour around him, a bit hurtful, too. That was why he decided to talk to him the next time it happened. He didn't have to wait for long. That night as he slid into Kurt's bed, the other boy was already asleep. Then he laid down next to him and waited a few seconds before hugging him as usual.

Any other time, they would have woken up in the same position and cuddled a moment before starting their respective day. It was their thing. Puck would only confess it under torture, but he was a cuddle-whore, and Kurt's cuddles were the best. However, that particular morning he woke up in an empty bed, something he hated. Was Kurt gone once again?

Luckily, he wasn't far and Puck found him in the kitchen savouring his coffee. He didn't say a word and immediately hugged Kurt from behind. He needed the cuddle to have a good day. It was his lucky charm. However, Kurt didn't hug back, instead, he moved away and said: "Puck, we need to talk."

Puck didn't like the sound of that one bit. He could recognise a typical break-up line even if it had never been used on him since he’d never had a steady girlfriend. Now he attempted to lighten the atmosphere. "Dude, don't tell me you are dumping me??"

From Kurt, a strained smile; it didn't work.

"Puck, we can't carry on like this. I know I said my homosexuality doesn't change anything, but I was wrong.”

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I like you, a lot..."

"Like?"

"Like, like ... As you say, you're a hot stud, and I noticed some of your... attributes?"

"So you like me? You think I am hot? Is it my guns? My delicious lips? Or maybe ..."

"Puck, this is not a joke!"

"I know, sorry. So what?"

"I think we can't behave like we used to. It's bad for us. I have to stop seeing you that way because I know it will never happen. I have to find someone who likes me, someone I could like, too. We have to be less tactile, but more than anything, you need to sleep in your own bed. If nothing changes, I am afraid our relationship will crash in front of us. I don't want that… do you?"

Once he agreed, Kurt hugged him for what felt like the last time and left him alone in the kitchen. Puck was beginning to believe that the kitchen was cursed. Every time he had a meaningful talk with Kurt here, the boy moved further and further away from him.

Yet, his boy was right; he didn't want to lose him so he would do whatever Kurt needed.

Except, it was easier said than done. To sleep in his bed was bad for the quality of his rest and his sleep went from bad to worse. He missed Kurt's presence like mad. He attempted to have one-night stands more often, but women didn't always want to spend the night after sex, and the ones who stayed didn’t do the trick.

He never realized how dependent on Kurt he was. And, the bad nights were only part of his problem. He had to control himself all day long.

Was it because he had to restrain himself or had he always touched Kurt so much?

His interactions with Kurt were different from the ones he had with Sam or Harry, for example. Giving high-fives or shaking his hand was hardly conceivable, but he forced himself because that was what Kurt needed. To be honest, when he stopped himself from kissing his cheek to say 'hi', it hurt (that custom started as a joke, but it became their thing in time).

And the cuddles, he missed their cuddles like mad; there were the morning cuddles which helped him wake up, the unconscious ones during the night, and the TV cuddles. He was so used to having Kurt near him during movies that the few times he tried to watch one since they cut their cuddle time, he kept on squirming without finding a comfortable position.

He slowly came to the conclusion that Kurt might be needing changes, but those changes were not good for him. Maybe he should talk to him in order to strike a happy medium. He prepared the ground for a day or two, or at least he was under the impression he did. Indeed, on the day he decided to discuss the situation with Kurt, his friend arrived, a bright smile wreathing his face and said: "I have a date!"

All Puck's hopes crashed: Kurt would never accept for their relationship to go back to how it was before. Now he had a boyfriend it wouldn't be appropriate.

* * *

 

When Patrick offered to introduce him to his British roommate, Adam, Kurt hesitated before accepting. His feelings for Puck were still there. It seemed a bit hypocritical to meet him as Dave’s single gay friend, but seeing as no one knew the existence of those feelings, it was hard to refuse without reason.

In the end, it was a good thing. Adam was a nice guy. Physically speaking, with his blond hair, blue eyes and his lovely smile, he was good looking _ the complete opposite of Puck _ and he was studying theatre. It was funny to have a date with someone whose life could have been Kurt's, had it not been for his father's heart attack.

Their first date consisted of sharing a coffee. The coffee was good, the company and talk even better. It was nothing extraordinary, but they enjoyed it enough to have another date.

Their second date took place in the evening, Jennifer and Eric, two friends of Adam’s had a part in a production of 'Rent'. Kurt loved that musical and he couldn't refuse even if he would cry like a baby and have eyes and nose red for the rest of the evening.

He stopped counting their dates after that, he just enjoyed them. It was nice to have someone to call his boyfriend. The kissing part wasn't bad either, but he refused to compare them to the breath-taking ones he shared with Puck during their gay chicken games.

Adam and their relationship wasn't the perfect fairy tale, but it was nice. Puck was strange since he started to go out with Adam and Kurt refused to think about the reason.

After being very quiet on the topic, Puck started to drum into Kurt's head how he wanted to meet Adam. He refused for as long as possible. He had no desire to see the man he was currently dating, and the friend he appreciated a bit too much at the same time, in the same place. However, when Adam started asking about his friends, too, he could not avoid it any longer.

Adam came over on a Saturday afternoon. Luckily, Sam and Unique were there, too. Unique must have had a hunch and realized he was nervous. It wasn't the boyfriend-meeting-the-parents level of stress, but pretty close.

The final result wasn't too bad.

Adam had been his charming self: he talked with every one of Kurt’s friends. Kurt managed to busy himself up to the point that he didn't have time to make unwelcome comparisons. Sam got to show them some of his newer impressions and Puck ... Puck had been oddly nice. Kurt couldn't tell what, but there was something just a little bit out of place.

He was right; after that night, Puck's behaviour started to shift. It wasn't obvious to anyone else, but him.

The first chaste kiss on the cheek Puck gave him after that had been a surprise. And, since Puck was in a bit of a mess at the time, Kurt didn't make a big deal about it, especially since it was nice. After that, it seemed too late to react and the kiss always came out of nowhere. There was no pattern he could avoid: once in the morning, others at night for goodnight, sometimes completely out of the blue in the middle of the day, but always when he was alone.

Then, the cuddles came back. Not as often as before, but they came back nevertheless. They would be watching the TV and suddenly Puck's head ended up on his knees, he would offer him his sweetest smile and Kurt would find himself unable to ask him to move.

Three weeks after the meeting between Adam and Puck, Kurt was woken up by a knock at his door. Half asleep, he mumbled, "Come..."

Opening an eye, he saw Puck, clad just in his boxers, entering.

"Kurt?"

"Hmmm ... you okay? Need help?"

Running his hand in his hair, Puck averted his eyes. "Can I sleep here?"

"Puck..."

"I know what you said, but I am tired, no I am bone tired. I haven't had a good night’s sleep since the last time I was here. Please?"

Kurt let out a sigh and lifted his sheet in a clear invitation. "But just for tonight."

"Thank you."

He was about to fall asleep again, when he heard, "Kurt? What does he have that I haven't?"

Kurt heard the question, but it took him a few seconds to understand it. "Who? Adam?"

"Yes."

What was Puck trying to tell him? "I don't understand..."

"Why is it okay for him to touch you, to kiss you, to do all those things with you, but not for me?"

Kurt turned around to face his mate. "Puck, you know... I’m trying to build a relationship with him, the kind of relationship you and I can't have together."

"Why? Because I am pretty sure he doesn't appreciate you as much as I do. I miss you, Kurt."

"I’m still here."

He felt Puck's hand searching for his. "It's not the same. I miss how we used to be. I hate that stupid wall you want to erect between us."

Kurt tried to pull his hand out of Puck's, but the latter tightened his hold. "I am sorry that you hate it, but I need it. I don't want any confusion..." He couldn't end his thought before being cut off.

"You miss it too, right?"

"Of course, but..." Once more he was interrupted.

"So, why? Why don't we try to do what we really want? Why should we both be hurt when we want the same thing? Why can't we be as affectionate as we desire?”

“"Because ... because it's not what friendship is, it looks like a..." He didn't dare to finish his thought, but Puck didn't have the same reserve.

"Romantic relationship. So what?"

Kurt didn't know what to say, and the silence was deafening. He swallowed, switched the light on and muttered, "You want that kind of relationship ... with me?" That question didn't get any verbal answer, but the way Puck intertwined their fingers was an agreement by itself.

"Okay, I am astonished. I've known you for four years and all that time you went through women like Unique changes her clothes, and now you want to go out with me? Do you realize that if it doesn't work we probably wouldn't be able to go back to what we had?"

Without a blink, Puck nodded. "It will work. No more women… and no more Adam?"

“No more Adam.”

"Can I kiss you now? It has been a very long time..."

"No. I don't want to start whatever we are about to start before I end things with Adam. It wouldn't be fair to him or us. I’m sorry."

"I don't like it, but I can understand. May I _ at least _ hug you?"

"Yes."

They switched the light off, laid down and soon Kurt was wrapped in Puck's arms, in his heat, in his smell and then they were both sound asleep.

The next event went without drama. Breaking up with Adam was kind of anticlimactic.

They went to the coffee shop where they had their first date _ which in retrospect wasn't a very good idea.

As Kurt was getting ready to tell him, the other man announced a wonderful job opportunity that had opened for him and he was leaving for London in two weeks. Kurt briefly pondered if he should tell him why he’d asked to see him so fast, but ultimately decided to not do it since it didn't really matter now. So, he simply congratulated him. Then, they agreed it would be better to break up instead of vainly trying a long distance relationship, and both went their way half an hour later.

When he went back to the apartment after his last class, Puck was already here. He was working on a paper, sitting on the couch. Without a word, Kurt joined him and cuddled up against him, happy.

They didn't rush into the physical part, even if they wanted to. They started by finding their bearings in this new relation. They discussed various necessary topics like what they wanted from it, how open they wanted to be, if they should tell Sam immediately or wait a few weeks.

That last concern was taken out of their hands when their friend caught them kissing ere long. Being his wonderful self, Sam only said: "Oops, sorry, I’ll just ... head to my room?"

Once the foundations were set, everything went smoothly. Puck and Kurt explored their bodies without the boundaries required by a stupid game and Kurt couldn't be happier. Three weeks into their relationship, he asked Puck to move all his belongings in his room, or rather their room, since Puck had slept there more often than in his supposed room. And, the time flew by without any of them noticing it.

* * *

 

Kurt could hardly believe he had been here for four years, and yet Puck and he were going to graduate in a few short months. He would be sad to leave Sam and Unique behind, but he’d chosen New York for his Graduate school a long time ago. Without his scholarship he would have already been there.

Now he was only waiting for two things to be fully happy and relaxed: a positive letter from one of the schools he’d applied to and an idea of what Puck would do next year. He had always said his goal was to play as professional and to make a lot of money. Kurt knew some minor teams had contacted him, but he hadn't said whether he was still interested or not. 

As silently as possible, he turned the key in the lock and opened the door just as carefully. He had worked late with his study group and he didn't want to wake anyone, especially since Puck had started to wait for him on the couch. Unfortunately, he failed.

"Kurtie-pie, that you? It nearly one a.m.! Where were you?"

Well, his boyfriend was most certainly not asleep, but from the awful pet name he had just used, Kurt could bet he was drunk or at least stoned. Which, he had to admit, was strange since Puck never drank alone. Frowning, he looked for him in the flat and found him slouched in the living-room.

"Yes, Puckie-pie, that's me and I told you I would be home late..." 

"Damn, that's right, don't know why I forgot." No comment on the ridiculous ‘Puckie-pie’ meant he was definitely drunk.

"Maybe because you..." Kurt look around for the alcohol before concluded "... lost your brain in wine?"

"Maybe."

Kurt sat beside his boyfriend and in two seconds they were snuggling. With time Puck didn't even try to hide what a cuddle-whore he was, it was adorable.

"So what got you to open that bottle, thirsty-man?"

"You've received letters."

"That's what motivated you to drink? It's not the first time it has happened, you know?"

"Yep, smart-ass, but there’s letters and then _letters_. I was excited and curious about their contents, so I drink a bit to calm down, but you came back veerrry late."

Kurt’s eyes fell on the letters waiting on the table. Puck was right: there were letters… and _letters_. He reached for them: there were three. He hesitated a second before ripping the first choice and read:

_Dear Mr. Hummel,_

_Your application for the M.Sc. in Exercise Science and Nutrition degree at Sacred Heart University has been received. Your status is as follows:_

_Major: Exercise Science and Nutrition_

_You must submit all necessary documents and meet all stated requirements._

_You are admitted..._

 

"I got in! I got in!" His yells were cut off by soft, damp lips.

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you!"

"So we are going to New York?"

 Kurt’s heart jumped. "We?"

"Of course, Kurtie-bear, as if I would let you go by yourself. You're stuck with me now!"

Stuck with him? There were worse fates... and he looked into Puck’s shining eyes, at the smiling lips. He barely gave himself the time to think that, indeed, there were worse fates, before pressing his lips to those of his best friend and boyfriend, happily getting lost in the kiss.

  ** **The End****  



End file.
